Hi again. We do care and rant all you want. On a practical note you need help. I'm not being facetious either. There have to be some agencies in your area that offer a break and home health care. Here we have the CCAC. They come to your home (for free) and do all the things a nurse is supposed to - change bags give meds help with wound care etc... (also assess the patients) hopefully there is something similar available to you. I know your son is touchy right now that could be fear, or simply stress, but regardless its bad for both of you (Linda and you) to have to deal with it. I suggest doing some of it yourself. The shift work sounds like a great idea. that way you all get a rest.
Also when approaching your son take him somewhere else - out for a milk shake or something - and have a man to man with him. being away from the situation will help keep your wife from fretting, and maybe make the situation a little more distant.

hugs.