I'm so sorry that you are struggling so - and going over the "if only's" can be so painful because there is no real answer. What is true is that you were the very best caregiver anyone could have been for Reggie. I do hope that seeing a medium/psychic can make you feel better but I really think that (as Christine has suggested) an experienced and qualified grief counselor could help give you some perspective that could help you work through your feelings. Do check back with us and let us know what's happening.