I have to agree with Donna, cancer has already taken from you, don't give it anymore.
I believe that God is in control. Any circumstances we endure are meant to happen for a reason, Kathy.
Try and rejoice in the small moments of each day. When those thoughts come up, take a moment. The fears are valid! Just use those moments to thank God for all that you do have. Turn them around into something good.
Love to you.

Christine