John, at some point you will speak fine - I meant to say this to you way back but got caught up in other parts of your post. As I've said before I had a third of my tongue removed. Then I had 33 fry sessions (radiation) - I do film work part time - so I called my agent last week (it's been 1 year since surgery, and 9.5 mos since radiation finished) I listened to my message back after leaving it and was shocked to discover I had no lisp! I struggle with some letters sometimes but for the most part I speak clearly. I do get dry ocassionally so I need water at hand but other than thar i feel great - and very blessed!
Distraction (like going out with your mom) and focusing on other things will help alleviate the fear - give it time.
Also I'm not sure why they use staples for neck dissections when there are other options available, it's bizarre - if they just thought a little more - a person is already traumatized with a cancer diagnosis, then you chop them up, why the hell would you make it an even more traumatic recovery? Any good surgeon can do a hidden stitch, so why not use that? It makes it visually easier on a patient particularly if you have to split the jaw.
I've wondered that or a while - I do know it's probably faster for them but still....
Hoping you get good news and don't have to do rads... As for people staring let them - who cares - as you probably know the only opinions that matter are those of people who actually mean something to you. the rest can take a hike!! take care!