Hey all... I don't know what else to do at this point

This feels so awkward to talk (type) about, but I am extremely afraid that I may have an oral cancer.

I first noticed that the insides of my cheeks had turned white in the month of January. I began reading up online and learned that this is one of the first most noted symptoms of mouth cancer, or a condition known as leukoplakia (sp?) I immediately went into an emergency dental clinic, where the dental hygenist assured me that it was "nothing to worry about", and that it would go away when I was less stressed. A second dentist that I saw told me that I needed to get a biopsy done.

I scheduled an oral biopsy. During the over month & 1/2 wait to get my biopsy done, I convinced myself that I was fine and did not need to get the procedure done. I've read horror stories about biopsies going wrong and ending with a patient with permanent nerve damage in the mouth, and this freaked me out. Furthermore, I kept thinking that I really did not want to know. So, I canceled the biopsy. That was the beginning of March.

Now here we are in the beginnings of June, and the patches have not gone away, but have rather spread, now along the sides of my tongue as well. I also have some tiny red areas that have been appearing and (kinda) disappearing. Also, within the past two weeks I noticed a swollen lymph node in the right side of my neck and some very acute very dull pain. I am now scared out of my wits - literally. I have been so depressed that I can barely get out of bed, let alone go outside. I've missed several jobs because the only thing I can think about is oral cancer. I have not even been diagnosed with anything, yet the dis-ease is ruining my life!! The more I think about it the more fearful and depressed I become. I have no hope for the future, and I cannot find any joy in my days. Most of all I am angry with myself for allowing myself to get this way.

I am a vocalist and musician, and I get a good deal of my income from singing/busking. If I cannot sing, my life is over. It is the only thing, besides my child, that I get enjoyment from. Music truly is my life and I cannot fathom radiating my vocal chords. That is one reason I suppose that I've been in such heavy denial. I just can't accept this.

On top of all of this, I am very much poor (I'm a musician afterall) and have no insurance whatsoever. I can barely afford to get the biopsy done, so how could I ever afford treatment should I have something?

I guess I am just a weakling. I have been reading around the boards for a couple days, and I really COMMEND some of you for how strong you are! I have tremendous respect for you all and the ordeals that you've gone through. I apologize for being such a wimp and for typing this negative garbage on your board. Please forgive me.

If it was not for my child and the fear of the "lake of fire", I would probably end it right now. I'm that down in the dumps, and I just don't know what to do.

Someone, please just tell me that I am going to be fine and that I am not going to die. Please...