Hi HGT. Welcome but sorry you have to be here. I can only offer my opinion as a "caregiver" and wife. I will never even pretend to know how difficult it is to be faced with what you are up facing. BUT.......I have been on these message boards long enough to know that there can be a life after cancer that is both productive and happy.

My point of view as a caregiver and wife is that my husband would never be a burden to me no matter what. I know that if I was to get sick that he would be there for me no matter what. We have been married for 10 years and together for 17. I thought I loved him before his diagnosis but going through all we have been through together has definitely deepened our love and commitment for each other. We don't take one day together for granted.

My husband owns his own business and I work at a hospital and cover our health insurance. My husband was totally unable to work for a few months and had to cut back his work schedule after he recovered from treatment which greatly affected us financially. We had to tap into our IRA and are still faced with owing the IRS a lot of money. I DON'T CARE. As long as he is here we will get through it together. You need to give your family more credit. Be honest with your wife about your fears. I know it is hard to open up about all of it but she deserves to know how you are feeling. John had a hard time opening up to me about his fears etc. and that was very hard for me. I felt like he was shutting me out and I wanted us to be in this fight together! He eventually let his walls down and opened up to me about what his concerns and fears were and we worked through it together.

Get a second opinion and don't throw in the towel. You have found a great place to come and be honest about your feelings and gain tons of information and support.

Not that everyone will admit it but I'm sure many here have felt the same way you do about not wanting to go "through it all". Half way through treatment my husband told me "if it wasn't for you and my mom (82 years old), I would stop treatments." That was very hard to hear but I told him "well good, keep fighting for me and your mom".

Life is good and worth living! Sorry for rambling. Just wanted to give you my perspective as a wife who can't imagine life without my husband.