It has been a very hard week--My brother-in-law is not doing well. He went to UVA for his post-op checkup Tuesday, and he was told his cancer is stage 3. He has been absolutely distraught since hearing this news. My sister has called me several times quite distraught herself trying to figure out how to cope with this.

(Background: 2 1/2 weeks ago my BIL had most of tongue removed (SCC) along with nodes on each side of his neck. Apparently one node had ruptured due to a tumor that outgrew its location. He is 42.)

Today his case was discussed at tumor board. My sister was expecting a call next week regarding the outcome. Instead, the radiologist called her at 8PM tonight and told her they have decided to not go through with the planned radiation next month but instead want her husband to start chemo immediately. He overheard the phone conversation and just collapsed. She said he has been leaning toward suicidal thoughts this week since hearing he is stage three. She is afraid to go to work because she just can't leave him alone for fear that he will do something to himself. She had to call his brother over to the house tonight to try to get him calmed down.

She said that she called the office of the social worker who is assigned to their case (they have no insurance), but this person has not returned her call three days straight.

She is beside herself for what to do. Frankly, I am unsure what to tell her. I've researched places for her to call, but they all keep coming up blank. Nobody has any answers. Surely there is something that can be done to counsel him? Yesterday, at my suggestion she called the doctor's office at UVA, and got the resident on call. He told her he didn't really want to call him in any meds, but finally gave in and called in Zoloft.

I just think this is all being handled so badly. Too much too fast. Does anyone have a direction to point me in? I feel so helpless.

Thank you for any ideas you can offer on what she can do to get help for him.

PS No amount of telling my BIL about success stories and reasons to have hope are phasing him.