Just a little updating and whining but figure this is the best place to vent.

Well, in the last two months (time is flying by much too quickly), we have managed to get through most of these tough topics. We have made out our wills, discussed cemetery plats, other funeral arrangements and bought Chasing Daylight. We have just received our passports and I have asked Pam to research a trip for November or December. It will be the first time she has ever been out of the country and the same for me except two visits to Tijuana while visiting California as a kid. David, I have been obeying well, trying to cave whenever possible. Thankfully, the cancer has been spreading slowly so far. About a month ago I cornered her MO worried that it had been four months since we had been told that we could be looking at ten months to a year. The MO did say that Pam is doing better than most of her patients with Pam's diagnosis. Her PET from last week came back with most areas stable with a little more uptake but that there was a new area in her lungs that came back cloudy which had previously been clear. The MO said that it was not clear if this was cancer, an infection or something else and that she would suggest going ahead with the scheduled chemo treatment of Taxotere now and do another scan before the next treatment in early October. At that time, depending on the scan would suggest possibly going with Cetumab(sp) or that there may be a couple of studies opening up. The MO has said that Pam has received as much Cisplatin as is deemed helpful and has had Taxotere, Taxol and Carboplatin in the past without too many side effects. I have tried searching the internet on trial studies but can't seem to make sense of the information given as to benefits/risks of the studies.

On the emotional side of this, Pam has been holding up well but has picked up many new characteristics. She has never been much of a shopper but now is constantly shopping either on-line or at stores for all sorts of "wierd" things. She usually seems the worst around chemo time when she is taking steroids, staying up all night making plans to remodel the house and making a "honey-do" list that would take years for me to get through. Her comment last night wa that she was going to get this place ship shape before she kicks off. I have asked her to make a list prioritizing what she would like to do from trips to things around the house but she has been hesitant to do anything other than keep adding to the list. I guess I have a couple of questions about this behavior. I guess I am having a hard time putting much energy into remodeling when I would much rather just be spending time with her, sitting around the house or traveling. I feel this time should be spent how she wants but am having a hard time believing this is it. Have others experienced this as a phase that the person with the cancer gets through or is this more of a permanent change from the treatment/circumstances?

OK, done whining,will gt back to tiling the laundry room and get ready to scrape/paint the house. Thanks for listening.