Hi everyone been awhile since i've been on here hope everyone is well and going strong i've been a little down i'd like too hear of anyone going thru this or your opinion i asked my family partner of 25 yrs and my children son 25,daughter 19,son 17,son 15 what it would of been like if i didn't make it i just got fed up with their attitudes my children's not my partner i am 3.5yrs clear and i don't think its too much to get some sort of feedback but its like they don't want too talk about it or they make flippant remarks which really piss me off should i keep pushing or let it lie what do you think?


Scc tonsil
mets in neck
35/rads,3/chemo
back teeth out top/bottom
pegin/pegout
3.5yrs clear

Hard to tell if it is the ages, generation, or both. My 3 sons, 24, 21, 16, also are not really able to talk about 'what if dad....', they even were nervous visiting in hospital, and couldn't sit with me at home until all the bandages, drain, and stuff was removed. Their grades dropped, dropped off sports team, under it all I could tell they were scared. We probably should have used family counseling, but good luck getting them to go.
I would let it go, you might find as they get older, have own kids, they can be open with the feelings. I'm guessing that if you look close can tell how much they love you, which is all that counts. Just give them hugs and you know everything is fine.

Malo, it must be their ages. Ive often seen other parents here who have young adults that just dont get it. These young adults seem to be self centered and concerned more for themselves than others. It really is very common for the young adults to think the patient should just move on with their life after going thru so much. Doing volunteer work may help you to cope better with this. Working with other cancer patients or even animals can be very therapeutic. Some patients find seeking out therapists or even anxiety meds can help them move past this part of their lives and help to understand others reactions.



@ Mike, have your sons been vaccinated for HPV? The shots are NOT just for girls. It could help to prevent this from ever happening to them.

Christine, we're working on going boys vaccinated. Seeing my experience is a great motivator for them. One of our doctors advised the age limit is only based on typical sexual activity ages, if anyone has a late bloomer the vaccine can be given even later.

My adult kids were actually pretty good. My daughter came and sat with me to give my husband a break. My son doesn't live nearby, so I didn't see him until I was a couple of weeks into treatment. I had tried to be pretty upbeat whenever I talked wth him on the phone, so he was pretty shocked when he saw me for the first time. I don't talk about it much with them, now, but I guess that I really have no reason to. I guess that I just prefer to move on with it, and concentrate on my beautiful new grandson.

I hear what your saying about moving on but don't you have too first acknowledge something and deal with it then your able too move on i don't want my children too be affected by this and not know it so i will do all i can to make them aware of it so it doesn't affect their lives when their older besides my oldest son my other kids weren't that old so i feel that i have too do all i can too help them deal with this or it might become a habit not too deal with emotional issues when they come up in their lives so thanks for your input much love and peace too all.


Scc on tonsil
mets in neck
35rads/3chemo
back teeth out top/bottom
pegin/pegout
3.5yrs clear

I think that if I saw my kids every day it might have been different. My daughter lives the closest, but even she is about 45 minutes away, but she was available when I needed her. My son is actually 4 hours away, so I didn't see him all that much, and when I did see him he was pretty shocked at my condition. I find that it has been helpful for me to talk with my friends who have gone through something similar, because even my husband who was with me constantly really has no clue exactly what I was experiencing. I have tried to be very direct with my kids without dwelling on it too much.

I am lucky my kids were really good with Ron and he's not even their real father but he's been a REAL Dad to them since their father left. They handled everything really well, my youngest she was 22 when he had his first surgery and she was a real trooper her and her girlfriend showed up after a softball game and when she saw Ron she didn't hold back nuthin! She commented on his lips and how big they were and made a silly remark that I am not even gonna put here but it made him laugh cuz that's just how we are say it like it is but realize we mean no harm in being so outright honest I guess you can say. But that is our family and how we handle and go thru life. My son though he never came to the hospital but he lived at home and he was there all the time for Ron when he wasn't working and my oldest she was there too and she even still stops by in the mornings after she drops her son off to the babysitter and before she goes to work stops and visits with him in the morning for half an hour. Some kids just handle life and situations differently. It will be fine.

When this happened my oldest was 22 the others were 16,13,11 so they were real young and even now i can see that it has had a very negative affect on all my children and unil they realise what it is that is making them act out like this i believe and can see for myself that it wil not be fine and only get worse if i don't try despite their attitudes to help them make sense of all that has happened especially since i am doing so well and yes it would be easier to move on but after what i've been thru has shown me that the easy path is not always the right one much love and peace too you all.


Scc on tonsil
mets in neck
back teeth out top/bottom
35rads/3chemo
pegin/pegout
3.5yrs clear

Hi there!! Well first off we as parents tend to tie things unnecessarily to certain events thinking they have a profound effect on our kids - when they don't neccessarily - point in fact a friend of mine is having difficulty with her son. He was recently diagnosed with clinical depression... But prior to that she was blaming her self, their home life, the death of a family member (he was very very close to - a 22yr old cousin who was like a dad to him) the lack of his father in his life etc. prior to him going to see a counsellor she wrote down a list of what she thought were life changing events for his dr to take a look at. He went into the session - came out and said to his mom, when did this happen etc... He didn't even remember half of them. I think the possibility of losing a parent is traumatic, two out of three of my kids were living at home during my diagnosis and treatment. They came to see me in the hospital, they were there the day of the surgery. My youngest who was living at university came home two weeks later during reading week and we spent a week in Mexico as a family. I kept them informed about what's going on, on what the dr was saying, but it's hard because seeing you doing okay makes it harder for them to fathom loosing you. I want my kids to be happy and enjoy their lives - focusing on the time we have together and the good things. They know I could have a recurrence and be taken from them - we've never hidden what was going on from them - an I've always said a diagnosis of stage II can be as deadly as easily as a stage IV could survive (i have a friend right now in clinical trials, for peritoneal cancer - she's close to our family - my youngest's god mother - they've dropped in to see her, and say hi asked how she's doing etc... They arent afraid or in denial, but do live their lives they way they should. I would never want them to stop their momentum for me because of whats going on. Yes I've struggled with cancer, but - I could also step off a curb tomorrow and be mowed down by a bus. So could anyone... So I wouldn't focus on the what ifs with them, it's next to impossible for them to imagine, and frankly unless faced with the inevidible - a terminal diagnosis - why push it. Acting out is what teens and young adults do. It may have nothing to do with your previous diagnosis. I'm sure they've been affected by it but you're fine now, so they are treating you like most kids would - a parent... Focus on the good, and being close as a family, give them good things to remember don't let cancer be the forefront of your life, it's there, it's a part of it, but dont give it that much power, don't dwell on what ifs, don't try to hammer that into their brains, you can't force something like this onto another peron. Plus why would you want to?
If you're feeling down, and burdened by all that has happened go talk to someone outside your family. You need to unload, and sometimes verbalizing to someone impartial will give you the feedback you need to move beyond it.

Good luck!

Well funny you should say that cheryl after writing or ranting depending on your point of view i did feel a hell of a lot better after doing it and i am able to talk too my kids from a different angle and not so stressed which makes talking so much smoother and not talking about cancer is not an option i had 7 secs in the left side of neck so i dodged a bullet thats what my doc said so everyone i talk too i say prevention is cure includes my children and that will probably be the last thing i say before i take the big sleep so thanks for listening and responding this has been very theraputic and will do again i'm sure when full much love and peace.


Scc on l/tonsil
back teeth out top/bottom
pegin/pegout
35 rads/3 chemo's
7 secs in l/neck
3.5yrs clear