Doc came in this morning and looked upset, then just started spouting it out. " Nate, this one is very aggressive. I took out 5 times more than the pathologist said too and the tumor shows to be poorly differentiated. Were going through the MDA tumor board monday then go from there, more surgery may not be the answer but we will see what they say. Possibly more chemo and radiation but that may be so toxic it could kill you. Just hang tight and we will see you next week, you're being discharged friday." I guess the only good thing said was All nodes came back negative. Whomever feels like chiming in then please do, with tips , stories, encouragement etc. What does all this mean? He did say this type of cancer in 20 somethings is the hardest to kill. I was ALL CLEAR for 3 scans, now here I sit in my cubicle at the hospital just confused. He seemed so confident and now he looks defeated. I just want to be at home with my family, korinne and the dogs.
Nate,
we've talked all day brotha, you know my thoughts and that I'm in your corner. I think it's sad your Dr can't muster up a fraction of your courage and not look defeated. "F" that guy. Square your shoulders, lower your chin and get those hands up, we still got some work to do.
Rest up, love on those close to you and prepare your heart, it's the size of the state you live in.
Love you bro
Eric
Nate, you and I have also been chatting today. You know what Ive told you. Do NOT give up!!!! Even when things look bad, you never can predict what the future will hold. Try your very best to keep thinking positive! I know how difficult that is, Ive been in your position. Lets hear what the plan your docs come up with on Monday.
There are a couple of good things. Having zero lymph nodes come back positive is a good sign. Just being able to return home on Friday will help you to feel better. I bet you cant wait!
Hang in there!!!
I agree totally. Please don't give up and don't be defeated. Poorly differentiated cancer responds better to radiation and chemo than well, and moderately. This is because it doesn't resemble an actual cell and therefore doesn't have the defenses. The problem with it is because they are so poorly differentiated the replicate quickly. It's best to move and make a decision ASAP. Push. The good news is no node involvement. Hopefully your doctors get out ahead of it. If you don't have confidence in your dr. if he seems out of ideas, then get another dr. But don't waste time. talk to him before friday. Tell him you want to treat this aggressively - you're young and strong, you can handle what they throw at you. hugs... heal well.
Nate, you listen to these guys. They know what they are talking about. Know that we are all behind you, supporting you. Stay strong Nate. You are one of the toughest guys I know, don't let this beat you.
Sending you strength and love from Australia.
Wendy xx
Nate - You are a fighter!! You've already demonstrated that so keep up the momentum! There is always something you can do about whatever situation you are in and YOU CAN DO IT!! You have had positive signs already, so concentrate on that and as Cheryl says, if your doctor "seems out of ideas, then get another dr". Yell if you have to, to get people moving. Sending positive vibes and hugs your way.
Nate, these experienced folks have some pretty encouraging words for you! Listen to them, and we are all pulling for you to come out the other side of this bad news with a new, upbeat, and fresh outlook from your doctors. Hugs, Nate.
Nate, you have received some great advise from some very wise people here. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! You have so many people in your corner pulling for you and praying for you. I am amazed at how well you are doing after this HUGE surgery. You have youth and strength on your side - FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!! If you don't feel confident in your doctor find another one. There are many doctors out there and feeling confident in the one providing your care means so much. Continued prayers! Sending you a HUGE hug from Philly! Wanda
Here is the problem with finding a new doctor, I'm in the public county system. No Health Insurance. My doctors were residents at MDA, and the team is them, their residents here at LBJ/ENT and MDA tumor board. I definately want quality of life, this is a very uncomfortable hospital and don't want to just be their lab rat for aLl the students to come see. I don't want to keep getting cut up like a pig, I am so swollen and burning right now. Never thought I would say this but I hope chemo and radiation is the answer. I bounced back quickly from that last time as most remember and have the PEG in place already. Someone give me some ideas on good high calorie supplements I can use, Christine, Eric? I'm going to use the shit out of my vaporizer to stay hungry and pain free! Get bent cancer!
No words except ones I can't put on here cuz Christine will be an editing fool if I did. So after those were all thought in my head, and a deep breath...FIGHT NATE! Gosh darnit do some research on docs maybe somebody else will be able to take your case if you don't like these docs and this hospital. Ron had no insurance either and the Cleveland Clinic took care of him and I got him on Medicaid and now he is on Medicare and he has the best docs there. Go on the internet and do some searching, be proactive while you are there waiting to go home, maybe have Korrine(by the way I so love her name):)talk to whoever you find and give them all the info on your case maybe somebody down there will help you at a different hospital. They have that list on this forum somewhere for hospitals dealing specifically with cancer. Do not just lay there get to lookin!
Hugs to you!
Sue
Nate I'm at work right now, I'll work you up a list I've used to put on all the lean muscle I've put on when I get home. I'll also give you a list of easy supplements to run by your Dr. Love you brother
Eric
Nate
Like everyone says stay strong! You have all our positive thoughts rooting for you knowing you can do this. You are young and must stay positive in every way. It's beatable you did it once you can do it again!
Big hugs from across the ocean
Jayne
Sue, you know I love you! But yes, I would have to edit those words. I thought the same thing yesterday when I got Nate's first text.
Nate I would make chocolate peanut butter milkshakes. These arent the healthiest things out there but do get you high calories. I dont measure but I know they have about 2000+ calories per milkshake. All ingredients are approximate. If your taste isnt 100%, you can substitute a cup of milk for a can of Carnation VHC. That would give you even more!
3-4 cups chocolate ice cream (850-1130 calories)
1/4 cup choc syrup
1/2 cup peanut butter (750)
2 scoops dry Carnation powder
2 cups whole milk (300)(add another cup if like a thinner shake)
Blend until super smooth.
If you are able to eat pudding, I make a great tapioca pudding. That is loaded with calories too!
Here are the links to top places...
CCC's
http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/resources/cancer_centers.htmBEST CANCER HOSPITALS
http://health.usnews.com/health/best-hospitals/cancer-hospital-rankings/
Can I shoot that down the peg Christine? I can't start soft foods for about another week they say, remember last year? Lol, I think I'm already talking too much and don't want to mess up Dr. Ho flap. I'm just upset but am confident in the team, I mean it is MD Anderson telling them what to do. You saw my doctors credentials, I just think he was sooooo sure I would be out of the woods after this. I can say this, and I asked point blank what's my chances? He said were not even there yet, but I don't want to poison you to death. Let's see What MDA says next week. The team did say poorly differentiated does respond best to radiation. But I need to heal first and try my best to keep the crappy cells at bay so they hit the right spots!
Nate, I know you have a feeding tube. Sorry for giving you the shake recipe when it might be something you are unable to have right now. Keep it for down the road when you are able to drink again.
It would be a good idea to go thru the green Amazon box on the main forum pages to buy a case of Carnation VHC. Depending upon which formula you are using, you may want to add a couple cans of C-VHC. That has 560 calories per can while formulas are usually 175, 375 or a very few are 560 calories. Formula can be very expensive. I was charged $80 co-pay per case which was supposedly discounted from $220 per case. C-VHC is about $48 per case thru Amazon.
Here is a link to Nestle website. Write them a letter and ask for them to donate cases of formula to you. They will send you a form to get filled out by your nutritionist or doctor. Just make sure they fill out every single thing, if one item is missed they throw your application away. I know cuz they sent me 12 cases of formula for free.
http://www.nestle-nutrition.com/Contact_Us/Email.aspxAnother helpful link is for the Oley Foundation where they will help you get your supplies if you arent covered by insurance. Make sure you do this in advance since it can take about 2 weeks to receive anything. All you need to do is pay for S&H by sending a money order to the person who has the supplies you want. You can either call the 800 number or email them and get a list of people who have the item you are looking for.
http://www.oley.org/equipexchange.html
Nate:
All I can add to the previous comments is believe in what they have said and recommended because they have been there. YOU CAN DO IT, and read each of the comments and try to do as they recommended because these guys know what they're talking about. My prayers and love are with you and will continue to be until I read your "ALL CLEAR" post.
Big hug from julieann
Hi, Nate,
You have a great attitude! Love that fightin' spirit, too. I also love that you are already looking ahead and planning things. You are awesome! Big hugs and lots of love from me.
Anita
Keep fighting Nate! I wish you could do something to change Drs. I'm sorry you're in pain! My thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs!
Great news re no node involvement! High 5 on that. I agree that your physician sounds a bit discouraging. What an idiot!! Tell them you are there to challenge them to far exceed their own expectations!!
With my second cancer I had two nodes positive, had had what my surgeon thought was a "lifetime dose of radiation", but here I am 4 years out from diagnosis after having received another 30 radiation treatments (apparent toxic) and one of my biggest problems is keeping weight off!! By the way, my second tumour was "invasive and moderately differentiated".
Do not give up. If you aren't getting what you need from the hospital you are at - MOBILIZE - find your local politican and get some help to make some noise. My second cancer I said "Hit me with your best shot". They did, but I am still here today to tell about it.
Be your own advocate. We are here to support you.
Donna
Nate, I've had doctors who panic too. We like them to be honest but not to close their minds to every possibility. He hasn't even talked to the tumour board yet - someone needs to come up with a sensible plan of action and that takes a cool head and lots of expert discussion. You have the incredible support and knowledge of the people here. Furthermore you sound so strong for someone who has just had the big surgery.
I don't think you need to lose faith in your doctors. Rather, you need to be armed with as much information you can bring to bear so that you are part of the treatment plan.
From way down here at the end of the world I'm wishing you all the best!!!!!!!!
Im home, still pretty swollen and red in the face and neck. Glad to be here though, CT Scan monday, Then the gameplan for treatment that wednsday. They say either way I need at least 4 more weeks to heal properly before they start anything. Tongue still pretty damn swollen but plastic surgeon said it will be 70% smaller in a few weeks. I feel like the elephant man and hope the swelling in my face and neck get better soon but i am finally relaxing and sitting up all the time so hopefully that will help.
Seems like when i sleep on my side the side of my face and neck look more swollen. Just know my friends that if you didnt know I am one relentless tough SOB! Sure we were positive and the team seemed so sure I caught this recurrence very early with my obsession that this was finished with surgery but now here we are. We cried for a few minutes that day mainly because Mom is upset about the torture I am enduring but immediately we pulled together and I looked everyone in the eye and said were done, now lets kick some ass!Any tips for my swelling and redness in neck? Keep moving around the house maybe? Thanks, I love you all...you guys ready? I sure as hell am.
Your Friend From Tejas',
Nate
You are such a SHORT time out of surgery, and while I know you have a proactive "kick-ass" approach, with regard to the swelling I don't know if there is much you can do except just allow your body the time it needs to heal. I thought you looked amazing and not all that swollen in light of what you have been through!! Relax, rest well....those are things that help the swelling.
Donna
Well in my understanding you had lymphnodes removed and as with Ron everytime he sleeps on whatever side because of the lymphnode removal he swells up during the night because all the fluids rest there and have no place to go, he looks like the elephant man every morning when he first wakes up and within an hour or 2 the swelling goes away and he looks fine again. And boy when I got on FB last night THERE YOU WERE first picture to show up looking "bright eyed and bushy tailed" and I smiled! I showed Ron your picture too, sorry didn't write anything, I had just gone on and he came up to talk to me and I had to shut down he hates when I am on there thinks I have a boyfriend or something the goofball I told him ya, I can't keep them off me! lol But you look fantastic and I soooo love your fighting attitude. Ron said if he can make it you can do it too, he's made it thru 3 bouts of the C. He's like a fricken cat with 9 lives thank God, I don't know exactly how many he has left cuz he used quite a few of them in his younger years let me tell ya he's got some stories! You get some rest, get that scan done and when you find out what's up get the gloves on ready to kick some "arse" as they say down under I think it is? Is that OK Christine?
Hugs to you and to your momma too!! Cuz I'm a mom of a 28 yr old son born the same day you were! AND VIRGO'S ROCK!
Ok Nate, let's talk nutrition!
As we both know, top athletes live and die by nutrition. They understand that what they eat (and when) is just as important as how they train. If you think about what physical training is it's just breaking down your body so that it builds itself back up even stronger. To do that it needs fuel and building blocks, which is exactly what every healing patient needs!
When I first looked at rebuilding my body, I knew my challenge was going to be how to get all of the nutrients I need when I'm restricted to liquid only (99% of my diet is liquid) so I started reading.
Understand that a calorie isn't just a calorie and there is more to nutrition then getting x amount of calories per day and trying to meet or exceed RDA's (recommended daily allowances). When your body is going through more then the average persons is on a daily basis it needs more of certain minerals and nutrients so just throw RDA's out the window in your case.
VHC is easy to be sure and popular on these forums however in my opinion is kind of spendy. It's 560 calories and mostly from carbohydrates and fat and low on protein. Protein provides the building blocks for your body (aminos) and is essential for your body when in the hypermetabolic state of healing. In my opinion, and I'm not a Dr or a nutritionist (just a guy that's built a hell of a physique on liquids), protiens and long chain triglycerides should be a solid staple in any recovery diet.
I use regular Ensure (250 calories) as the base of my meals. It's cheap at Costco (29.99 case of 30) and it mixes with anything as it's not really thick has the vitamins and minerals etc...it's low on fat (6g) high on carbs (40g) and OK on protein (9g). I "eat" six times a day, I have three meals a day that are the "big" meals where I get most of my calories and protein and three meals that are are light and quick.
The big meals consist of an Ensure, 1tblsp Olive Oil ( $19 Costco for 6 liters, 120 calories, 14g fat), 1 scoop Cytosport Whey Protein Powder ($30 Costco for a 6lb bag. 27g protien, 2g fat, 3g carbs, 140 calories per scoop) and a cup of whole milk (146 calories, 8g fat, 13g carbs, 8g protein). If we add all of that up, it's 656 calories, 30g fat, 56g carbs, 44g protein per "big" meal.
Small meals consist of 1 Cup whole milk, 2tbsp peanut butter (190 calories, 16g fat, 7g carb, 8g protein) 6oz Yoplait Yogurt ($9.53/18 6oz cups at Costco, 170 calories, 33g carbs, 1.5g fat, 5g protein). That adds up to 506 calories, 25.5g fat, 53g carbs, 21g protein.
Total Calories 3486, 166.5g fat, 327g carbs, 195g protein. Roughly 24% fat, 47% carb and 28% protein. Now keep in mind this is a "building/gaining" nutrition plan and not a "maintaining" plan which is why some numbers are so high however the ratios are still in the "Golden Ratio"(40-50% carbs, 20-30% fat, 20-30% protein). Normally for maintaining I'd be consuming 2500 calories and a target of .55-.91g protein/lb of body weight.
Now I've been playing with this diet for a while now and making adjustments etc, but this is basically what I've used to gain good weight. Weight gain and muscle is why the calories are 1000 over what I should be intaking to maintain my weight and the protein intake/lb of body weight is high along with the fat intake ratio. It's a game I play with my body, when I hit my target weight I'll lower my calories and adjust my ratios to have a 50% carb, 25% fat 25% protein that's the ratio I believe promotes optimum hormone production in my body.
Higher fat percentage helps testosterone levels and more protein helps rebuild the muscles I'm tearing down. The more you learn about this stuff the more you realize how tight the balancing act is between optimum hormone levels and the ratios of food in your diet and because everyone is different there isn't a "standard". It's not just about what you eat either, but when. Always eat first thing in the morning and then get the majority of your protein post workout, eating 5-6x per day you need to really be sucking down a shake every 2-3 hours too. If I'm thinking in patient terms facing rads, I'd say get the most protein after radiation.
Supplements play a huge part as well, especially since you are needing more of everything to build up your body. I would say the important vitamins and minerals for you would be Zinc (50mg as not to get toxic levels), Magnesium, B6 (this combo bodybuilders use to promote testosterone levels and muscle gain. Zinc is very important in healing as well), B12, Niacin, CoQ10, B5, C (2000mg+), A (as beta kerotine) will all support immune and energy. I also use Ginseng, Tumeric and Flaxseed Oil and I blend all of these into my first shake of the day(it's the only time I use a blender actually as everything else mixes very nicely in a whisk ball shaker bottle from Walgreens $8 and there are no chunks if you don't use fruit yogurt). I use other supplements as well but those I don't think would be helpful to the "healing" patient.
With anything Nate, ask your Dr and or a nutritionist before implementing anything. Sorry for the novel, I have more thoughts on this subject but the book is getting rather long at this point however I hope it was helpful.
Eric
Nate, as Eric suggested get this checked out before changing your diet. Im always extra cautious about those things. Specifically ask about the zinc. It has been discussed here before. Here is the old thread.
Zinc thread
Gary is spot on with most of that however like anything check with your MO. There is a huge split over antioxidents in the oncology community with different views. Tumeric is a supplement I used through tx and has a powerful antioxident in it that was just featured on the OCF news list. As always talk with your MO. Thanks for the link Christine!
Thanks, I love you guys...I am only able to get in about 1500 cals in the peg right now because I get hot headed and feel sick. Trying to stretch my tummy back out. I am goaling for 6 Boost Plus in at the moment but only nailing about 4 right now. The Boost has Prebio 1,35%,Iron 25%,Niacin 25%,B12 35%,Zinc 30%, Vitamin C 100%,Vitamin D 20%, B6 35%, etc. in each 8oz. bottle. Can I put whole milk through the tube? I excercise 4 times a day since ive been home by walking my moms hall 10 times, so with yesterday and today I have accomplished that 6 times, dizziness is now gone. I have my swallow test next week, then I can get back on my Smoothies I hope, I havent swallowed to much but a sip a day because I fear what the docs do in what happened last year with the flap explosion. I swallow my own saliva fairly well but am still using the suction machine for drool and such.
You guys are my coaches, we made it to the championship last year to be shut down in the big game by this recurrence. Now it is time to win this MOFO! As you all have previously stated, lets get to the scan and gameplan next week and then we work on our OCF gameplan. Think positive for my swallow test, but peg stays in for possible rad treatment. I love you all, time to get yet another OCF Title on the team, Ready?
Sincerely,
Nate
P.S.- Thanks Eric for the novel, Korinne understands it well and will tweek it as we go when I can start back on soft food.
wow you are having your swallow test quicker than Ron did. Good for you and keep swallowing! I am thinking you can get whole milk down wait, you don't have the NG that will be a Christine question sorry.
Awesome Nate, love the attitude.
You can start upping those calories by just adding the Olive Oil right to your boost, a tablespoon isn't very much and will shoot right down your tube brotha, adds 120 calories and 14g fat, it'll help.
You are in my heart my friend.
Eric
Watch it Nate - Eric's gonna have you all buffed out in a matter of months!!!! Saw your pics on Facebook - so glad to see that sparkle in your eyes despite all you've been through!! You look SO good!
PS - you can put whole milk through the tube. Lots of protein and calories and it's plenty thin enough that it won't clog the tube. Keep swallowing your saliva - it will help keep the muscles of your swallow in motion in preparation for your swallow test next week.
I'm in your corner Kid!
I agree with Jen, you do look wonderful Nate! After everything you have been thru you have made excellent progress.
Eric's olive oil idea is a very good one. Very high calories for only a tablespoon. Whole milk is fine for the tube. Just make sure you flush it good after milk or olive oil.
Keep up the great work
Hi Nate:
You really sound upbeat for all you've been through. How wonderful! Christine and someone else mentioned your picture on Facebook, but I can't find it. I know we're "friends," but in case not, please re-friend me. I'm Julia Bouvier on Facebook. Keep up the good work - prayers headed your way now and from the first day you posted.
julieann
Hi, Nate!
I hope you are a bit more comfortable at home. This is the time that sucks...healing and waiting. Keep a regular schedule with your meds. Set an alarm and wake up to take them so you can stay on top of the pain. As you probably know, it's better to keep pain meds at constant level in your bloodstream than to let levels dip and have to climb back up.
As far as the swelling goes, use soft gel reusable ice packs. If you don't have one already, they are the best because you can mold it to your face/neck. You can get inexpensive ones at your local drugstore. It's a good idea to have a few on hand so that when one gets warm you can put another cold one on. Also, I'm not sure how much area you have to cover. I'm assuming your face and one side of your neck. Be sure to have a thin layer of material such as paper towel or slip it inside a pillow case. I used paper towel and wrapped the ice pack up like a birhtday gift, that way it lasted for a while and it stayed in place. Putting light pressure on top of the ice can make it more effective and feels great. You can hold the ice around your jaw and face by tying a pillowcase around the top of your head...you know, like in the cartoons when someone has a toothache?
I am a physical therapist and use ice with patients all the time. There are 4 stages/sensations you feel with ice (cold, sting, ache, numb)...once you're numb, you're done. Keep in mind that you are likely already numb in many areas, so you have to make sure note the amount of time you have it on. Check your skin...it will turn red/pink then blanch a bit and return to normal within 10 minutes of removing the ice.
There are a few rules about ice.
*10-20 minutes every couple of hours; more than that, you're not letting blood flow back into the area
*Do not sleep with ice on...you can give yourself a serious ice burn!
*do not apply ice to graft/donor sites without your doctor's permission
*do not apply ice over medication patches, areas of poor circulation, open wounds, or infected areas
I purchased a recliner just before my surgery specifically for sleeping with my head elevated. I slept in that recliner for about 6 weeks after my surgery. If you don't have one or can't afford to purchase one, ask friends/relatives if they have one you could borrow for a while. Craigslist is also a possibility.
Also, when I was in the hospital, I had quite a bit of swelling and it was restricting my breating. The doctors ended up putting me on steroids and they did the trick. Of course, I am not a doctor and steroids have risks, but ask about them if you feel the swelling is really bad and certainly if it's affecting your ability to breathe.
I don't know you, but I have been thinking of you every day. I'm not on the forum daily because I find that I easily get depressed and anxious and end up focusing too much on cancer. I try to do it in moderation, but I have somewhat of a compulsive personality and can overdo things. Just know that if I'm not on here every day, I always check back to see how you're doing. I hope the tumour board and team come up with an effective treatment plan for you. You are also a part of that team, so keep exercising your input and self-advocacy.
I hope you can find some comfort both physically and emotionally. It will be nice to wake up each morning and not have cancer be the first thing that enters your mind.
Peace, my friend,
Kerri
Awesome advice on the icepacks. Old school boxers use ziplock bags. Fill the bag with mostly cold water, add salt and icecubes but don't fill the bag very full maybe about 3/4. The salt melts the ice and lowers the freezing point making the water very cold. The ziplock is really moldable and will form around anything really if not filled up too much. Works great for broken noses and black eyes.
Incidentally ice + salt+ water in a cooler is the fastest way to cool down beer. The notes from a Mythbusters episode here
http://kwc.org/mythbusters/2005/03/mythbusters_cooling_a_sixpack.htmlTo kill two birds with one stone, keep a cooler with icy salt water and fill the ziplocks whenever you need while you're keeping your beer cold! Multitasking!
Eric
I've never heard that, Eric! That's a great one to pass along to my patients. I have a coworker that tells her patients some ratio of water/rubbing alcohol, but I always forget what it is. I'll have to find out. It makes a slushy consistency that doesn't freeze rock solid. It's great that we all can borrow from each other's bag of tricks
. Thanks!
Love the multi-tasking idea Eric! I will use that with my NA beer later this week!
Hey my pleasure Kerri.
The alcohol to water ratio is 1 to 3, I've used that before actually got that from my PT when recovering from a massive injury that ended my wrestling career. The rubbing alcohol keeps the water from freezing fully to keep it moldable.
I used the ice/salt/water for my hands, face and knees mostly. Broken knuckles, noses and very sore knees. It's amazing the tricks fighters have for recovery. Bruising especially by getting the swelling down as quickly as possible and then switching to a very warm water to increase blood flow to the area to "flush out" the bruising. Worked wonders for black eyes.
Catherine, have one for me my dear!
Eric
I know, Eric! Fighters and trainers have some amazing tricks that really work. As the saying goes, "Necessity is the mother of invention.". I am also amazed by the training techniques they use. That's why I used to like to watch "The Contender" when it was on. I was just amazed at what the human body can do above and beyond what the average person does.
Watch The Ultimate Fighter Kerri! Its on spike TV Wednesdays at 8pm, time for my own ultimate fighter series, did you guys watch my friends episode on ESPN? Rad Martinez-The Promise, look it up if not. He has been motivating me in big ways, love you guys. Drop by and tell Rad high, he is an amazing and uplifting person. With all of you, and Eric with Rad sitting cage side I can't lose. CT Scan in morning, lets hope he bastard stayed put so they cn get the poorly differentiated bastard. When I'm through its going to be annihilated rather than differentiated. I am sooooooo pissed off right now, come on with it you f%*k! -Joe Pesci voice.
Your Friend,
Nate
Kick Arse and take names Nate!!
Awesome Nate!!! Good luck and prayers for you that the scan shows marked improvement!!! Hugs!
Wishing you a good scan Nate!!!!
Thanks for the recommendation, Nate. I will be holding you in my thoughts for a good scan result tomorrow. After all that you have been through, you need to catch a break somewhere! I like your attitude. I find that sometimes that anger stage of grief is so much easier to tolerate than the other stages. It's probably not good for the long-term, but it can get you through some tough spots. Also, I hope the tumour board can come up with a plan that is going to ravage that cancer instead of it ravaging you!
Be well,
Kerri
Here's the deal...
Get to hospital this morning, check in, wait around for an hour and a half to find out the scheduled CT Scan was for my regular check-ups and not ordered by my doctor. I say OK, follow me lady and let's go ask the doc himself. I walk right into clinic with Korinne and nurse in tow moving a bit faster than them if ya can believe it, and sit right down like I own the place. First all the nurses are like " What tha!?! You're not supposed to be moving around, have you even been discharged yet?." I say, What it look like girlies?
Anywho, here comes the doc from around the corner in a laughing tone " What the hell are you doing here Nate, Your oncology appointment is at noon!" Just trying to see why ya got me down here for a CT Scan? Then nurse speaks up, he sends her on her way kindly and tells me go back to this room and he will be right there.
Needless to say the scan was an error and he said he has everything he needs for the tumor board on wedsenday evening. He jokes with Korinne and I a bit, removes the rest of my staples from my neck then I ask him if he has any pictures of surgery, he does! So we ewwwwwww and ahhhhhhhh over those for a bit then he gets down to businees. Nate, all crap aside, you are my number one priority right now and best patient I have ever had. We will figure this out and I am waiting on a few more phone calls. We may be doing more surgery, radiation this soon may noy be a good thing but lets see what the big wigs say and by the way we put a request in for a clinical trial at MD Anderson.
So, he shuffled us off after saying that the margins were slightly positive and he would like to use those words rather than poorly differentiated, in other words he almost got it all but is nervous it may try and travel my main artery for my tongue, the one that helps you swallow and move the booger. He thinks removing all that may be the answer but just hold tight, go get fed and see you friday morning.
We go to oncology, they dont have much to say yet either but speculation and the same thing about getting with the tumor board and my referral for a clinical trial at MD Anderson. They are concerned about radiation as well, that my jaw may just crumble away if they do more so soon within just one year. So we will see what happens, sounds to me like none of them want to be the ones to kill me, but I think I would rather them than the friggin' cancer. They did say again that no node involvement and the fact it is trying to comne back in thje same spot may help them pin point the bastard. Going to bed now, any experiences, advice, encouragement? Could use a good Braveheart moment right about now. I love you all and thanks for all the cards!!!!! It's go time friends...
Your Buddy,
Nate
Tell them how you feel. Glad they're considering a bit more surgery! I know it's not optimal for you but it's an immediate situation! It will be Gobelin then they can treat any stragglers!!
hugs! And good luck! The trial thing is awesome!
Nate
Its awsome that you are soo positive! You will kick its arse no problem! stay like this cos you will come through it.
it Will be ok
love and prayers
jaynex
Nate,
Read what you wrote above and realize you just had a Braveheart moment...you share that spirit. Charm's coined it on these forums as the "warrior spirit", which is very fitting and he certainly defines it.
When I think about that movie and the traits that defined William Wallace, defiant, courageous and unyielding come to mind. He would not bow to a tyrant, he did not fear death and he would not yield no matter what he faced.
If you remember the only time as an adult that he showed fear was before he was to be tortured and executed and it wasn't fear of death. He was afraid that he was not going to be strong enough to push past the pain to keep from asking for mercy. Bravery isn't the absence of fear but doing what has to be done in the presence of it.
What I see when I read your last post Nate is that you are there, especially when you say you'd rather die fighting then let the cancer kill you. You gave me chills and inspired me this morning brotha.
Rest up and do this thing.
Eric
I have found my " WHY " Eric, and something wierd tells me this is what is supposed to happen. Korinne and I are finally going to make it official, we don't have the stress of the house over our head anymore, she is just a mile away, and I finally got that answer I was looking for about my career. I have hated my career for the last 7 years, ironically I remember puffing on a cig looking up at the sky about 2 years ago begging for a sign, begging for direction and how this can't be my life. Here we are today, a new path, new friends and new challenges. This cancer has removed me from that previous stress and in a sense made me feel free. Ive had several inspiring dreams, the kind where you wish you just stayed in ya know? I would like to hear someones theory on dreams, there is no pain there and I have had many gorgeous ones in the last few nights. Korinne says were just getting all the bad stuff out of the way so the rest of our life together is a beautiful one.
I have a big weekend ahead of me, got the big visit friday with the doctors and experts then my brother wheels me off to meet a good group of fighters at the UFC fan expo, wait til they see my scars eh? I just want to have fun, and give this my best shot for survival and quality of life. Again, I love you all and will throw my best judo at this son of a gun, I have too much still to do. Eric, thank you. Did you watch what I told you to? Rad Martinez - The Promise.
Your Buddy,
Nate " The Bull " H.
Does that mean you and Korinne are getting married? I read and reread and you never said marriage...lol and what new career are you going to be doing? Love the fight in ya Nate! Ya Badazz!
Hey Nate! Dont you dare plan on giving up!!!!! You gotta get your mind wrapped around the future and beating this.
Im very happy to see you being your own advocate. Good job!!!! If you dont stand up for yourself its hard to get the proper attention that you need.
[quote=Nate82]Korinne says were just getting all the bad stuff out of the way so the rest of our life together is a beautiful one. [/quote]
Korinne is absolutely right.
Best wishes for your coming big weekend�.the good and bad bits!
Will be thinking of you and looking for your post.
You know that I love your attitude and courage. xoxo
Gabriele
Love you too Gabe! Hope ya got room for FOUR lol. My mama loves her whine too!!!
NOt been here in awhile. Keep up that positive attitude. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thinking of Nate this morning as he gets the news of a treatment plan from the Tumour Board Meeting Weds. Post soon Nate - we're here for ya.
Hugs
Donna
Keeping a positive head here and prayers going for you also.
Has anyone heard from Nate? I've been checking back to see how he's doing and haven't seen him post anything. I hope he's okay. I'm just worried about him.
With care,
Kerri
Nate is doing ok with his recovery. I heard from him yesterday and he is currently cancer free.
Nate's warrior spirit attitude alone should beat this crap. We're all waiting to hear from you, Nate! (thanks Christine)
Thanks for the update Christine. I'm sure Nate will post when he feels up to it. Nothing like being cancer free
Gabriele
Thank you, Christine. I hope to see him post soon. I'm not sure what else he has had to endure over the past couple of weeks, but I'm glad to hear he's cancer-free.