As part of my Lenten penance for posting a direct link to an article even though Brian had hustled it up for the OCF news, I thought I would point out a very provocative article from the New York Times that appeared in the OCF News Feed to all those who don't check OCF news feed religiously:
Here is are excerpts to entice you[quote]
We�re all familiar with sentences like this one: Mr. Smith died yesterday after a long battle with cancer....It�s one of the clich�s of cancer... We like to say that people �fight� cancer because we wrestle fearfully with the notion of ever having the disease. We have turned cancer into one of our modern devils......How can it be a battle when we patients are the actual battleground? We are caught in the middle, between our doctors and their potential tools of healing and the cell-devouring horde.[/quote]
So sign up for the free OCF news feed or put it into your Google reader and you won't miss great articles like this one
Lets Face it, Words are Inadequate for Cancer -
Charm

WOW, I could not say it better myself. Thank you.

Thanks for posting this. I have signed up for the news feed but did not get this. Anyway, this is so perfect. Great article!

There were 3 in last nights apaper with the same words. This wording has been the standby it seems every where. One last nite was one of my friends and 1 year older than me. Thanks Charm.

For me, the author best summed it up in the last paragraph / sentence:

"So, no, cancer isn�t a battle, a fight. It�s simply life � life raised to a higher power."

"Ronald W. Leonard, 56, a lifelong resident of the Lake Geneva area, died Saturday, June 6, 2009, at his home following a long and courageous battle with oral cancer."
This paragraph began Ron's obituary and apparently it was a cliche. I was more than a little offended by this article because Ron DID fight a long and courageous battle--he just happened to lose. I am amazed to see that you other cancer survivors apparently agree with this article. Now, I fully admit that I am still deep in grief so perhaps I am being too sensitive, but with all respect to Mr. Jennings, Prostate cancer is MUCH more survivable than Oral cancer and I would think that you would all know that.
You may call cancer a journey or a life lesson or "life raised to a higher power", but those seem like cliches to me too. Ron always felt like his cancer was a battle, and he fought it with everything he could. I think anyone with cancer is in a battle-they just don't know if they are going to win the battle or not.
Lori

Lori- I couldn't agree with you more. I reached out to two other women my own age (30's) who had tongue cancer. They both did not survive the disease- both had children loving husbands families and friends. Everything in the world to live for. They fought so hard for thier lives but for whatever reason the cancer spread and metastisized for them but not for me. Cancer is a disease- it doesn't have any rhyme or reason whatsoever. It doesn't care how much you want to live. Its just cells multiplying. Sometimes the Drs. can't get to it in time and stop it and sometimes it just doesn't respond as well to the treatment. Yes a positive outlook and a fighting spirit help immensely to get through through this but for anyone to think that someone who dies from cancer didn't fight as hard as those of us who got lucky and happened to survive have it all wrong.

I think they didn't mean harm- the wording just wasn't right- but people should be more sensitve.

Your Ron and all of those who weren't fortunate to survive cancer are MY heroes. I know what I went through and I know they went through 1000 times more.

I thank my lucky stars every day. I know I have so much to be thankful for.

I know this must be a very very difficult time. I hope one day soon the happy and fun memories will start to eclipse the memories of his illness and struggles with this disease.

Misskate,
Thank you so much for your kind post. I was worried that I would be slammed right away for my comments. I freely admit that at this point in time, it seems that I have no impulse control as far as my emotions go. If I feel it, you can be sure I am going to say it. Perhaps this is a part of the grieving and healing process. It's a very freeing feeling, but it may get me in trouble. I am so glad you are doing well and I wish you all the best.
Lori

Lori

thank you for making me an honest man. I prefaced this thread's first post with my opinion that the New York Times article was
"provocative" , yet until you posted, there was nothing provocative at all in the OCF responses. Your responses are perfectly acceptable in this forum since it is expressly for coping with anger/fear. Who wouldn't be angry in your shoes?

Even though it is not politically correct, I also find myself angry at the tone & tenor of many articles by prostate cancer survivors who seem to think their experiences of an easily curable and highly overtreated cancer (estimates range as high as 70% of prostate TX were never needed as the tumor would have grown so slowly the patient would have died of old age first) are universally applicable to insidious cancers like OCF patients and caregivers. You simply do not have the watch and wait option with oral cancer. In this case, I just told myself, yep - finally an honest prostate cancer guy admitting it wasn't much of a battle. Too bad he thought he was representative of anyone with oral cancer. I've seen prostate cancer up front and personal when my Dad was diagnosed with it twenty five years ago and don't discount the anguish and fear that any cancer causes a family but from where I sit, oral cancer is much much worse. (and like most prostate cancer patients, my Dad died of something else - heart attack). Sorry for your loss.
Charm

Lori,

Thank you for your point of view. Until your post, all of the responses were from survivors or CGs to survivors. And that is the difference.

When my husband was recovering from his first surgery and had just started rads, I wrote a poem that I titled "Battle". It was my perspective of his cancer and writing it was cathartic. I think most people mean well when they refer to Clark as brave. However, he does not see himself this way. Cancer and the issues surrounding it are forever a part of our lives now, inconvenient and ever present. Like a leaky roof--your don't know when it will leak or how bad it will be, but you have put out the pots, and call the roofer. To quote Roseanne Rosannadanna. "It's always something!"

I am so sorry that your Ron passed away.

Anita

Lori,

I think it's a statement in and of itself that you were worried about posting your point of view. I've felt this way as well, but I'm so opinionated and more brash then most and have come to grips with the fact I'm going to piss people off with some of the things I say.

With that being said, I view life as a battle that no one escapes from alive. Do some face darker realities then others in the battle...most certainly, but in the end we all end up the same. Some would argue that it's how we've lived and how we handled ourselves to the end that counts...and I believe in that. Is it cliche? Sadly most things in life can be considered so. Hell I think Rolex watches are cliche and prefer Patek Philippe, Omega or IWC...are they still overpriced time pieces? Sadly yes. (that was my shallow, materialistic side)

Anyway I was glad to see you share your thoughts and feelings and hope you've inspired others to share no matter if their opinion is popular belief or not...as long as it's sincere.

Eric

This shows the power of words which i realised when my doctor told me i had cancer,i went on my own and my partner went to work,the doctor saw the look on my face and said she would ring my partner and i said no i'm fine i wasn't it felt like someone had reached in and pulled my insides out it was a very hollow feeling and mentally it felt dreamlike i must've been in shock keeping this in mind i didn't tell my partner i said it was inconclusive because i coudn't do to her what my doctor did to me.She found out a week later from the ENT doctor three of them the look on her face was enough to destroy me and to this day i feel i did the right thing so it is a battle alright with ourselves to keep ourselves present from the start to the finish. Much love and peace to everyone.



2yr survivor
throat cancer
so far so good