robs cancer has come back and is so aggressive that he is not expected to live for more than a few weeks if that.I have had no internet for 4 days and have been desperate to talk to someone here who will help me get my head round this.

he has rapidly advancing tumours in his lungs and a necrotic fungating tumour in his face that has burst through the skin.

god help him.

today he has been passed over to the palliative care team,who at last have eased his pain,he wants to come home to yorkshire and die quietly wth me,which will happen next saturday.he has made his will and is saying his goodbyes and then we will start the final leg of this hateful journey. i hope you will all pray for both of us but mostly that his passing will be peacful

Liz, you are both in my thoughts and prayers, I am so sorry to read this. God Bless, Carol

I'm very sorry to hear this news, Liz. I will send my prayers that he has good last days and for your peace of mind through all this.
Nelie

Liz

I am very sad to hear this.

You are both in my prayers.

(((HUGS))) Petey

Liz,

I am truly sorry to hear this. My heart is with you both. I understand his wish, my father passed with all of us with him. Surrounded by love is the only way to leave this world to pass to the next. May God Bless you both and all your Family. It is hard to let go of a loved one.

Take care,
Diane

Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. LJ

Liz,
I'm saddened to hear the news. I wish you both peace in the time to come.
Wayne

Dear Liz and Rob

You are in my thoughts. I wish you peace and love together at this time.

Love from Helen

Dear Liz & Rob, I'm sure you 2 have the prayers of everyone here.Barb T and I will be praying that Rob doesn't suffer much and that one day , you 2 will be together again. Love EzJim & Barb

liz
you are in my thoughts and prayers. i'm so sorry to hear about this.
lynn

Liz ... you both are indeed in our prayers. Please keep in touch and keep talking to us - I think being with people who understand this path you are on, make the best listeners.

Warmly, JaneP

Liz,

It has been a long hard road for you both and you both are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bill D.

Liz, and Rob, I hope you can feel the love and strength surrounding you from all of us who care about you and are praying for both of you. What a long and difficult journey you have had. You have difficult times ahead, too. I hope that you will come here often, both in the weeks to come and down the road. We can all continue to help each other through this, and you will have much to offer others, and you will hopefully continue to find solace here as well.

when we received the news on thursday i wanted to run home as fast as i could so ithat i could e-mail Amy and ask where she found her strength to deal with this situation.I knew she would say all the right things to me and help me on the path to being the best support to my husband i could and all i found was a computer that wouldnt connect to the internet.the conection is still very fragile and i may dissappear again at any time. Buti will be back home in a few days and back on broadband thank god.
i find it impossible to computethat just 5 short months ago i joined this site as a terrified newbie and now i am battle worn veteran about to lead the assault on the final hurdle.

The man i left such a very sort time ago has gone and is replaced by a strong very brave very kind and loving person,who i feel it impossible not to pity because he has to end his days with such an awful and unpleasent disfigurement that means he is confined to the house.He doesnt even think about having a drink,when the first time in his life it doesnt matter a damn he says thankyou all the time and touches and kisses me every time i am within arms reach.He says he isnt scared and is putting all his affairs in order and dealing with every thing methodically within in the limits of his terrible speech difficulties.He has lost another 14 lbs and is so very very thin now but the dietician says not to force him to have feeds.

I feel very much like second in command to a very brave and courageous general,and i am proud to serve him to the best of my ability.

i know god will forgive his previous mistakes and hope he will accept his spirit into his arms.

My dear friends i would NEVER have survived this ordeal without you all and i hope to continue to survive in this place of love,friendship and support.

yourvery grateful friend across the pond. xx

LIz


I am soo soo sorry to hear of this , Please know that myself and I am sure every one else is holding you in our hearts and thoughts. I wish I could be there to hold your hand as welll. No words can express my thoughts to you right now..please know I am here to listen and sending you ((HUGS)) across the ocean !


Shar

Liz,

Words can't describe how I feel right now or what I wish I could say or do to help. Unfortunately death is a part of this cancer and unfortunately only experience can teach you in these final hours. I just wish in times like these that all of us on this site were in one city so we could all help and comfort each other. Since that's not possible, please share your hurt with us just like we were.

Liz,

There is not much I can say that hasn't already been said so eloquently by others... I was so sad when I read your post, I was thinking about what a tough time you and Rob have had, and now this... I wonder if part of the reason he had such a hard time dealing with everything was that he feared this end result, but now that it's a reality his true self is shining through. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Dear Liz,
God Bless You Both. I pray that he will have an easy passing and that you find the strength to do and be all that you need. It's never easy saying goodbye. Please know that I'm thinking of you both and am on my way to St. Andrew's Church to light a candle. Donna

Dear Liz - I am so sorry for the sad news. My heart goes out to you and Rob. I so-o wish there was something I could say or do to make things easier for youboth. I hope that in the days ahead, you will find the peace and strength you so deserve to make it thru the difficult days. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My Dearest Liz,
How ever you may worship may you be blessed with Strength and Wisdom, The strength to deal with what you face and the wisdom to know how.

Peace be with you
Lenny

Liz
I know what heartache you are going through I lost my dear Brian 2 weeks ago. He died at home with his family around him, We had hospice with us which was a great comfort. Please know that I am praying for you on this last part of this journey. The most important thing is he is at home with you. That was Brians wish also, to be out of the hospital and die at home. Peace be with you. God will give you strength.
B

Liz: I wish there was something I could say that would cause you to feel better....both of you are in my thoughts and prayers...may God strengthen you during this transition......

Liz, my prayers are with you.

God Bless you both.

LisaB

Dear Liz,

My heart has been feeling so heavy since I read your e-mail yesterday.

I wish I could help you in some way or write something profoundly wonderful. I am at a loss.

I hope you can feel the love and hugs I am sending through the Internet to you and Robin during this unimaginably difficult time.

Love,

Margaret

I am having a very difficult time with the visting thing.People dont seem to understand that when rob and i go to yorkshire he literally doesnt want them to come visit.He wants to say goodbye this week and then just be alone with me.His brother and his sister want to drive up at weekends to visit and his sister wants to come and stay but he doesnt want that and i dont know how to deal with this diplomatically.

They are all hurting so badly and as you all know rob is not good at the emotion thing and at the end of the day his wishes must be respected i think.This is a very dangerous minefield and the last thing i want is for Robs passing to be marred by sibling in fighting.

Dear Liz,
You have beena reat trooper thru all this, know that you and Rob fought the good fight, you both are in my prayers. Bob

Liz,

My thoughts are with you. You have been the best caregiver to Rob.
I am so sorry that the cancer has come back and that you both have had such a difficult journey. Rob knows that you love him,have put him above all others and that you are completing this journey by his side.
Paula

Hi Liz, I just read your post and feel so badly that you and Rob are going thru this. What I have seen from your posts is that you are strong, caring person, and you will find the strength to deal with this just as you have all the other ups and downs you've faced in the past 5 months.

Go with your gut and your heart on deciding what to do about anything. It's clear that Rob is finding a sense of dignity and peace and that he wants to die in his own home with the person he feels the strongest connection to - you. The fact that he has made his will, is saying goodbye to family, and has strong feelings about where and with whom his death will occur is an indication that he knows what is happening and he's trying to accept it.

Hospice or palliative care is about keeping people comfortable and managing symptoms. Some people like to have conversations about dying, and others - particularly those with issues expressing their emotions - may just want you to be with them. There aren't always words, our feelings are expressed in looks, gestures, or sometimes just that long overdue thank you.

It's clear that you and Rob love each other, and that's what I'd focus on. The rest of it doesn't matter anymore. Tell him you love him, hold his hand, and take your cue from how he is feeling.

You are right that his wishes need to be respected. Tell the family that you will call them if Rob changes his mind and that you will give them updates. Beyond that if he doesn't want visitors people should respect it. Just as when he was in treatment, you are the gatekeeper again. The siblings are not your concern right now. They will either understand or not, but your concern is being there for Rob and yourself. He may feel differently about visitors as time goes on. It may as simple as it's too hard for Rob to have them there or to keep talking about it. At some point, it is what it is and there's nothing to say.

I sincerely hope that his passing is peaceful. Are they sending a visiting nurse out to check on him and help you with pain control etc?

My thoughts will be with you both.
Regards JoAnne

Hello Liz,

i hope that you and Rob find some peace during these trying times. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

thanks for your efforts,
larryb

Dear Liz,
I just read your post last night and am so sad for you and Rob. I hope the final path on this journey if loving and peaceful for the both of you.

Take care,
Eileen

Hi Liz,
So sorry about the news. I have been away, then doing my own 'might be last lunch with siblings ' thing on Monday, before starting 'second round' tomorrow and Thursday.
I'm sure your actions helped give Rob the space he needed to reflect and to give him an opportunity to demonstrate his love for you. It DOES 'MATTER A DAMN' because that reassurance will hopefully help you over the next few weeks.
I'm thinking of you both and am so glad they've got the pain sorted out.
You know where I am, let us know how things progress,
love Brenda x

rob woke up in excrutiating pain today and nothing we did helped.I called the nurses and they called the doctor and he sat and held my hand and said he had had enough and he didnt think he would make it to yorkshire.
i told him it it was ok to let go if that is what he wants.He has sorted out his affairs and said his goodbyes and i told him not to worry about me,and now he is resting in the local hospice.The tumour is attacking the jawbone and the trigeminal nerve.the doctor spent along time with rob today asking how he felt and what he wanted and asked if he felt anxious or scared to which he answered no just tired and angry.

They have upped his fentanyl to 150mcg,put him on 75mg tryptilline and morphine and diclofenac and steroids.They say he is allowed two beers a day and there is a garden where he can have a cigarette if he wants.his room is very private and comfortable and he seems settled.when i left this evening he was sitting in the sunshine in the garden with a beer in his hand,looking very serene.

I dont know if we have much time left ,they say he may get home again,but then again he might not,his sister flies in tonight and his brother tomorrow,the last two pieces of his lifes jigsaw.

Pray hard for my love that he ends his life the way he chooses,pain fre and at peace

Liz, My prayers are with you and Rob at this time. I pray that the Lord wraps his arms around him and comforts him and eases his pain as he goes through this. Your description of him sitting in the garden with the beer made me smile, and hopeful that he is at peace. My prayers are with you also, that you will have the strength to get through all of this. Take care. Linda

Liz,

My prayers are with you and Rob during this difficult time. I will pray for peace and no pain for Your Love. I pray for strength and peace for you too.

Love,
Amy C.

Liz, you are doing the right thing in telling him it's okay to let go. You're giving him the peace of mind that he doesn't need to worry about you, and that whatever it is, you are there for each other in the end. They can continue to up the meds if he needs it but sitting in the garden with the beer and the sunshine works too.
My thoughts are with you both...and this completely sucks.
Regards JoAnne

Liz,


Just know that I hold you and Rob both in my heart and I hope he finds peace and comfort as do you .


Shar

Liz,
I personally know people that have had 500 mcg of Fentanyl (5 - 100 mcg patches) and even 300 isn't uncommon so if his pain isn't a "3" or below, demand that they increase his dosage. They can also give Methadone for breakthrough pain which is very effective.

Dear Liz,
I hope that his passing is comfortable for Rob and all of you. God Bless.

Thanks gary they have mentioned methodone as an option already,but when i went to see him this morning he was good.He likes the place, is comfortable and content.They have even mentioned getting him home for a while next week the large dose of amitryptilline he is on seems to have helped any anxiety he was feeling.The biggest problem is the hole in his face,which is creating a foul smell and discomfort in the wound but otherwise it is a nice place to visit.

Liz,
Rob sounds much more at peace, I am planning a visit to our local hospice shortly (just to 'see' at this point)but have been so pleased when nurses said everything is done for pain-relief and maximum comfort. I've also spoken to the husband of a lady who went home for quite a while after she'd been 'stabilised' and made more comfortable there--so whatever, and wherever, you should both be as well looked after as is possible at this awful time.
Thoughts and prayers remain with you, you're a lovely and strong woman Liz and will be a great source of support for Rob and his family---and we're all here for you
Brenda x

Liz,

I think about you and Robin daily. In the face of such an untimely and far too early transition, it sounds like you and Robin are handling it with love, compassion and courage. I admire the two of you.

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how he and you are doing...I know there are so many people praying for both of you.

I hope they continue to make Robin comfortable, and I pray for peace and comfort for both of you.

Love,