thanks for the words of encouragement. I also feel a fair amount of fear of even telling people that I am depressed. I think it's esp. dangerous in general to tell other men (who have not experienced depression/cancer) as they don't get it (not socially acceptable for men to be depressed) and may actually avoid you. Women are safer and often offer support.

I feel sometimes that I experience much more fear of illness than is normal. I am not sure why exactly. Even minor stuff depresses/scares me and makes me worse. Cancer is far beyond minor and I can't seem to deal. It's as if people with much more serious/non treatable illness handle it better than I do.

[quote=Steve J.]Hi TRT,
I'm kind of a stranger hopping in here, I've just been reading through these posts. I had horrible, horrible problems with depression following my first round of Tx. It was worst when I was in the process of getting off the pain meds (like Fentanyl, oxycontin, etc). But it persisted long after and I still struggle with it on and off. I'm on both Wellbutrin and Prozac now. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I'm on these meds, like ashamed that I have this problem of depression. But my wife reminds me that it's a legitimate medical condition caused by imbalances in the body and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a good thing she reminds me because I really struggle, even when I go in to the doc and they ask me to update what meds I'm on.

I'm in the middle of my second recurrence now, with cancer in both lungs. They're telling me there's not a lot they can do except try to prolong things, although I seem to be responding a little bit to the chemo Tx. I'm actually finding myself less prone to being depressed since this recurrence started because I'm so focused on getting through it and figuring out what I can do (if anything) to survive and make it through this thing.

I just wanted to encourage you. As you've seen from all these posts, the depression is something most of us have run into or struggled with at some point post Tx, and there's a lot of us that still struggle with it. It all started for me in Feb 06 and it's still a struggle today. The advice about surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and who you enjoy being around is good, good advice.

I wish you the best. Don't forget you have a lot of people here who care about you and want to help support you.
-Steve [/quote]

MEDS: I don't know that to do with these. I think the shrink I see is pretty good (he is my only choice at the CCC), but I wonder if it's possible to feel better using other meds. He tried adding other stuff to anti depressants like Abilify/Zyprexa etc. but these seem to be heavy duty meds which put me to sleep and may have more scary side effects. This does not work with fatigue.

He sometimes says that he does not know what else to try. He prescribed Pristiq (spell?) which is the new version of Effexor. Effexor boosts my energy but also gives me high blood pressure and makes me a little manic/out of control which is not a good thing. I wonder if Pristiq will work out.

Does taking multiple anti depressants work?

A shrink friend of mine told me recently that Lexapro and Cymbalta are the two most effective ones for her in her practice -- Cymbalta didn't work for me, but Lexapro does.

Yes, if something such as Lexapro, Cymbalta or Effexor (among the most commonly prescribed for anxiety and depression) don't work sufficiently, then many psychopharmacists will add 1 or more meds to try to stabilize mood, increase energy, etc. I think that the best way to look at antidepressants, etc. is that the goal is to lessen anxiety or depression sufficiently to allow the individual to engage more fully in life.

Hey trt,

Lawsuits and divorce are very stressful and is a normal cause for depression. I went through something similiar a few months ago, and depressed the hell out of me for months. After it was over, I felt so high on life again. You and I have the kind of personalities that are prone to not dealing with stress well. Our natural inclination towards stress is depression. My friend has a different reaction to depression; he gets mad at it. It helps him out. I've tried that route, and it seems to be working for me too.

Take it one day at a time. It'll get better. Find a good therapist that deals with depression and anxiety. Then find some goals to work on.

A new relationship can bring a lot of unneeded emotions to so be careful about getting what you want.

I wouldn't go out looking for a new relationship right now. You have a lot on the table...if you meet someone and something happens then that's great. But, I would just concentrate on making yourself feeling better...Do something that makes you "happy"--for example, going to my local SPCA and taking a few dogs for a walk or petting a few others or dropping off old sheets and blankets or dog food to the shelter makes my heart sing. Do something that makes you feel "happy".

I'm trying to talk my GF into fostering a dog...We'll see how that works out.

how do you get mad at it?

I think that I am actually pretty angry but Lexapro is toning it down. Also I am constantly sick with colds/flus so there is not enough energy to become angry. I am constantly just trying to avoid stress and running away from everything by distracting myself.





[quote=MSG]Hey trt,

Lawsuits and divorce are very stressful and is a normal cause for depression. I went through something similiar a few months ago, and depressed the hell out of me for months. After it was over, I felt so high on life again. You and I have the kind of personalities that are prone to not dealing with stress well. Our natural inclination towards stress is depression. My friend has a different reaction to depression; he gets mad at it. It helps him out. I've tried that route, and it seems to be working for me too.

Take it one day at a time. It'll get better. Find a good therapist that deals with depression and anxiety. Then find some goals to work on. [/quote]

I was hoping that it would actually energize me or lift me out of depression. I think the lack of a relationship is making me unhappy as I am so used to it after 20 years. On the other hand if I try to look for it I get more sick as there is not enough energy. I am not sure I can attract anyone in this state.

[quote=davidcpa]A new relationship can bring a lot of unneeded emotions to so be careful about getting what you want. [/quote]

Be proud of yourself for posting about the emotional side of cancer. I am thrilled that you are dealing with it openly and are working hard to find the right balance of medication and therapy. Far far too many men don't seek help when they should - with horrible results.

KNOW that your feelings are not unusual. I have a brother in law who had kidney cancer 10 years ago and he tells me now that without DENIAL he never would have made it through. How does that go "Denial is more than a river in Egypt". We all deal with it differently. No right or wrong way.

One day at a time, on foot in front of the other. Take care of youself first - and only if/when you feel you are ready - then you can think about new relationships in your life.

Take care.

Donna