[quote=trt]I ended up going after writing my note. But I am having trouble making myself believing they need a visit from me, esp when they have their daughter and her child. It's more like I need them.

[quote=Pete D]Go do it because THEY need a visit from YOU! Leave when you get tired or whatever -- Journey of thousand miles begins with single step and all that stuf! [/quote] [/quote]

Needs can be a two-way street! However, if it actually adds to your stress, then it's not a good thing.

At this time in our lives we need people. If they are there for you to talk to and help though some hard times...do it:)

I'm glad you were able to get out...I'm proud of you. One step at a time.

I know what you're going through. I'm susceptible to depression--had mild forms of it most of my life. Most of it comes from wondering, "What's the point of life? What is death like?" etc.... I was just too aware of the human condition. I get into long bouts of depression and anxiety when it came to health issues. Several years ago, it got bad and I had to see some cardiologists to see if I had heart problems. Luckily, I didn't, but for a couple years afterwards I was worried there were going to be problems and that caused my blood pressure to rise. It was a vicious cycle. I would get worried, my blood pressure would go up, I would take my blood pressure, and it would stress me out even more. I finally had to learn that it was all in my head, and even if it wasn't, it was out of my control. I just had to let go. Once I learned that, I got my worries under control and my blood pressure returned back to normal.

Now i've got new worries, but I know now my personality is to always worry about things. I think it's a self defense mechanism to prepare for the worst. It sucks. People shouldn't worry about shit so much, especially death. I think that's the fundamental flaw of our society and culture: death isn't embraced, it's ignored. And society is too focused on being "successful" and making lots of money. I think that causes needless worry and stress.

Anyways, i've been to therapists, and most of them suck. I've talked to others who've been and they think they're a waste of time too. I've finally found one, though, that has dealt with his own issues of depression, anxiety, and pain management. He is really good. After several sessions with him, i've felt much better. He also told me of his experiences with anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I never went that route, but I know others that have and offered the same advice for drugs. Too bad he is in NorCal.

I've been trying to get out of the house more and socialize.

I went to central coast of CA for a coupla days with a friend. He is unfortunately extremely antisocial, critical and judgmental and constantly spewed negative comments which was too unpleasant for me. I think I could handle it before because we never spent 2 days together so I could laugh at it.

It's good as a distraction but I experience increased fatigue and anxiety the next day. People are also noticing that I am tired so I feel guilty and inadequate as I am not as social as they are. My social skills are not very high either and I think I'll blurt out something that I don't realize is judgmental and turn off the other person.

The most important thing I would like to respond to is....you have to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. You need positive peole around you who will help you're healing. Try to do that as much as possible.

Definitely stay away from Mr Personality, now and forever more IMHO.

Yeah, I would stay away from negative types. That's only gonna drain you even more. I've been there and done that, and realized it's just a waste of time and energy. Who knows how long you have left on this planet. You should make the most out of the next few years.

This is all true. Unfortunately I could not get any of the other few positive people to go so he was the only one left. I thought maybe this is better than going alone but actually it's worse.

I think it's hard for me to attract anyone positive because my energy is so low. I keep getting sick which makes me even more exhausted so it's such an effort to even talk to others and I actually have to make new friends which exhausts me.

TRT,

When I read your posts I notice they have an "unhappy" tone. I'm sure what I'm going to say is nothing you have not heard before but...our minds are very powerful. If you keep referring to yourself as "low energy" "exhausted" " such an effort to talk to people" all of these things will remain the same in your life.

In the past I always blew people who talked like I am now. However, I truly believe it now. If we tell ourselves we can do somethnig, regardless if it is mental or physical we can do it. Do you like to read? There are so many good books out there on the power of the mind.

I know you have tried therapists but we also have to look at ourselves at times like this. You should try to reach within and get your strength from that. Take baby steps..remember, one day at a time. I have told you my story so you know I have gone through some hard times. My aunt and I emailed all day sometimes just to get me through the work day. I will be that person for you. I know you can do it...I'm here for you. I wold love to see you get past this.

As always, let me know what I can do.

Being a cancer survivor can be difficult. Sometimes we tend to think way too much about the whole ordeal we have endured and it can become overwhelming. Seems that only cancer patients or their caregivers truly understand how awful cancer really is, especially oral cancer.

Happiness is contagious. Try to avoid the negative people and seek out the ones who are more positive and it will help you to feel better. Some days its easier than others to do this. I always try to keep away from the grouchy ones at work. It only leaves me feeling rotten when I talk with them and they start complaining and I tell them to cheer up, things could be worse. It gets irritating to me when I must tell someone who is perfectly healthy (in my eyes) that their latest sniffle will be ok.

A good doctor and therapist can help to make all the difference too. Have you discussed all of theses things you mentioned with your family doctor or someone who specializes more in that type of field? Sometimes it takes a few tries before you find the right fit with a specialist that you are comfortable with.

Hope you start to feel better soon. Its a new year, lets try to make it a good one