I went to the Radiologist today and it wasn't good news. I mentioned the pain on the right side of my tongue to him. He said well Jim you have cancer on both sides of it>>WOW. I told him The Dr at the cancer center didn't tell me that, so he showed me an operation report.. Sure enough..He said I have 2 options,, 1 is to take all of my tongue , no way,, the other is to get get chemo and implants in my tongue. 1st thing is to pull my teeth so they won't cause an infection.. This will be Jan 15th. Then when I see him for my next appointment he wants my family there so he can talk to them. He said that pretty girlfriend too . LOL.. told him she took off and he said probably too much pressure for her. He will do the implant for which I will be hospitalized for 3 days. He told me I might not remember those 3 days because I will be heavily sedated to ease the pain. Then he will give me Chemo somewhere in this time too for 3 weeks or so. I asked what my chances are and he said the most he can even think about is 75%. Of course I said do what you have to and can. I want another 20 yrs. I also told him I should have came to see him after surgery when he called my house to tell me the margins were too close not to have radiation. I had talked to my Dr at the James Cancer center and he said I didn't need it. He sure was wrong about that seeing as it is on both sides of my tongue now. I appologized to the Radiologist for not listening to him. He said don't appologize ,, we have more important things to talk about and do now.

Forgot,, he also told me I would need a care giver with me most of the time.. that should be a fun job trying to find one. Too bad Barb was a easy early quitter, she was perfect the 1st time. If I can find someone just half as good as she was I will be fine.

What a mind,, Dr in Columbus also took a piece of my tongue from both sides on the 3rd of Jan. Too many things going thru tis small brain to remember much at 1 time LOL

Hang in there Jim... my hubby had a stage IV base of tongue chemo and radiation no surgery and is now back to normal... well.. as normal as he ever was.
You have a lot to deal with but you will make it.

Marica

Jim

If there was anyway i could be there I would.... I feel so helpless and you have been so so GOOD to me. Things will work out though , you will have someone by your side...I mean with a personality like yours who wouldn't want to be !!!

Shar

Hi Jim- Well way your options. do what you think is right. I have no tongue and I'm doing OK.

Hang in there I know this is hard.

K

Jim i am so sorry you have to go through all this again.I often questioned why Robin didnt have chemo with his surgery and rx but i guess at the time these decisions seem to be for the best.Only time tells when they arent.
If i could i would jump on a plane and come stay with you,but i think i have spent enough time hiding abroad,its nearly time to go home and face life alone.

Its hard sweetie but you will find a way i am sure of that.

love liz

Awe man, you ladies almost have me in tears for being so nice and treating me so well. All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish I had you both for caregivers. Luv Ya all

Jim...I'm just too emotional to respond to your news tonight...will do tomorrow. KNOW that you're in our thoughts and prayers!

Lois

Tough news for sure Jim, but I know you are strong and can get through this. If I can - YOU CAN. We can cry on each others shoulders along the way and even if that isn't productive we will feel better

Donna

Hang on to the thought of that 75% Jim--sounds damn good odds to me!
Would your church be able to organise a 'carer/driver' rota for you whilst you go through this??
You'll certainly be getting as much cyber-care as we can give you here,that's for sure!tart now eating as much as you can to get 'built up' before you start this next phase.

Brenda

Time to get into fight mode, Jim! And splurge on all your favorite fattening foods. Maybe you could check with the hospital about volunteer programs they have that could provide a driver? Does your insurance provide for any driver service?

Jim,

You have zero choice but to remain tough and I'm sure you will and we will be there every step of the way. Too bad about Barb. It's a shame that we see the abandonment issue frequently when love ones get sick. The conclusion is obvious but better now than midstream. Spread the word and talk to the docs and nurses. Hopefully one will come out of the blue. Until then you do have some 100 or so "offsite" CGers ready to tell you what to do. LOL

I'll settle for the site support and keep hoping Barb comes back and understands. after her noone else will make me as happy or care as much

im really glad jim has all of you caring people.. i just want you all to know i didnt leave him because hes sick... as you all know i stuck with him thru the first battle...im sure he still wasnt feeling up to par but what i dont understand is why a person has to be so mean at times...he tells me it was the cancer talking... now if i had cancer im sure i would want the people i care most for to be around me and i sure wouldnt treat them as if i didnt want them around or push them away when they try to help and be there for them....i dont know if he has told any of you all but i did tell him that even tho we are not living together i would still be his friend and go to the dr and such,,,but he cant take that, he wants all or nothing,, im not the only one in this that has ended this,, and yes i do feel for him with what he is going thru and what i say now may make a few people mad or upset at me but i feel he really needs to be living up around where his family lives,,his time needs to be with family right now,, i tried my best but my best wasnt good enough... im sorry but i just dont buy the CANCER TALKING... because i sure wouldnt push people away from me in a time of need...
thank you all for listening to me and im sure a few are upset with me but i had to get this off my chest and let everyone know im not as mean and hatefull as im sure some feel i am... i do have feelings too...thanks..BarbT

Barb, I wasn't all that bad and just was very miserable and it was hard to hise the fear,, like they say, you always hurt the ones you love. someday you will understand and change yoour way of thinking.

One of the biggest problems is we nevr had a chance to sit down and talk about things like we should have, but it wa great while it lasted.. I don't want this to change to the anne landers show, so nuff said

Ok Barb,, this is an open invitation for you to be my friend,, come to the meeting with the Dr next appt

OK all, I do have to say I am in the fight mood and will face the unkown and let it know i intend to win this war it has started again. This time I will win the battle hands down,, thanks for all the advice and encouragment you all have given me.

I have done as suggested. keeping busy to forget things. I have my christmas lights down. cleaned my garage and turned my compost pile. Did dishes and ran vac in basement and on stairs leading upstairs. Anyone need any help with your chores?? LOL

Barb, with all due respect, you have no idea how you might react if you were the patient and in Jim's shoes. Trust me when I say there is a profould difference between the feelings and reactions of patient and caregiver..........neither more "important" than the other, but for a caregiver to state what they would or wouldnt' do during treatment simply isn't fair to us that have actually DONE the treatment. I never thought I would react the way I did at times.........but I did. Jim is facing something you struggle to understand, but all of us on this board DO understand him. He's alone facing it, so I think it would be really kind of you if you allowed him this board, a place he can come and vent HIS feelings whether they are right or wrong. He really needs that rignt now, far more than you need to publicly defend your reasons for not being with him right now. None of us judge you on that. But we DO understand Jim and what he's dealing with, let's allow him to do that.
Thanks,
Minnie

Barb i am going to take the bull by the horns and say you are soooo wrong.
I could name you a dozen women on this site who have been treated exactly as you say Jim treated you.It unfortunately goes with the territory.If you doubt my word go back and read my early posts which were nearly all begging for help and advice on how to handle the angry animal my husband became.In fact in June of last year i eventually packed my bags and left before he destroyed us both,i was so fed up being treated like an emotional punch bag.I went back after three weeks just before he was told he had a terminal recurrence,and i regret leaving him every day,but know i would never have had the strenght to manage our last month together when my spitting tiger became a purring pussycat again,and left me with precious memories.
Life with cancer can be too short Barb,dont live just to regret your decisions.

Jim, YES..............can you please come to Va. Beach and take down our Christmas lights and then help me take down my indoor snowman collection?? We are all sick and tired of looking at them.....but I won't let anyone else put them away as they're so precious to me. So, let me know when you'll arrive! No pay but the company is great and I can cook up some great meals for people with our eating issues!
Love,
Minnie

minnie I'm on my way and can kill 2 birds with one stone. My daugter in laws mom lives there too. Her name is Ruby Dail,, maybe you know her. You put the snowmen away and i'll fo the rest, unless I drop a few LOL

Ok all, I was just informed by Barb that she will not go with me to the hospital or to appointments. I knew that was going to happen when I took her up on her up on her offer. Oh well, I will make it without her help. AND to the supporters in here who told her the way it is,, I thank you for sticking up for me. It reminds me of what my granddaughter told my ex one time when she was 8 yrs.. My wife said soemthing mean and mandi went right after her,, LOL she told my Ex that no one talks to her pappy that way. I loved it. As for Barb,, she is going to have a tough time making it , but I wish her well.

Jim, if you still have energy left after taking care of the lights at Minnie's house, just swing by my house - my lights and Christmas tree are still up, too and need to come down. Same deal, no pay but I'm a really good cook and have lots of experience cooking with special diets! Try not to worry about Barb too much because you can't control what somebody else does or doesn't do. My son's then girlfriend took off when he was diagnosed with his SCC and it's been a blessing because last Spring, he rekindled a romance with his childhood girlfriend and now, they are very close and happy in their relationship. You just never know what good things tomorrow can bring. I was also one of those caregivers that Liz mentioned. Some days can be so difficult but we all do survive and my son and I are closer than ever. He's back to his sweet, witty and wonderful self! So, you hang in there, Tiger!

Minnie and Anne-Marie, i will need some of our style lessons in cooking so I just might have to be the Christmas undecorator for you 2 LOL and get some good old homecookin I have no idea what I will be able to eat after this gets moving and what I'm eating now I have a hard time chewing or swallowing. I hope you have extra bedrooms LOL Hey,, I'm a good cook for normal food. We can swap meals.

Sounds good to me!

Jim,

I've been reading your posts and pulling for you behind the scenes. I'm in Wooster OH, about an hour south of Cleveland, or 2 hrs north of Columbus.My Dad has been in Cleveland Clinic since 12/27.

I feel deeply your struggle with Barb and what you both went through the first time. My step mom has excluded me from almost everything, but she can't stop me from seeing my dad while he's in the hospital. My dad won't sign consent for dr.'s and nurses to talk to me directly. No matter how bad this hurts, and it hurts excruciatingly, I will not stop being his loving daughter. With all my heart, I implore Barb to be there for you. When all is said and done, that is all that matters. My love will shine through this cancer, no matter how ugly the family gets. My dad will know I loved him through it. I don't understand it, not at all. All I know is my dad has had 2 surgeries, 9 hours each. I know that my family fell apart the first time in 2003. The second time was not as much of a surprise. Let love be your guide, let God lead you from your hearts. But Barb, someone you love needs you and is reaching out to you. I wish my dad would reach out to me. Don't disappoint him, please reach back! You're needs won't be met, almost guaranteed, because it's Jim's needs that need met now. Yours and mine will have to wait. Dig deep Barb, he needs you, help him get to the other side again where he can meet you halfway and meet your needs again. My dad has said and done some terrible things to me while he's battled his cancers, we have too many unresolved issues for my comfort level, I'm working daily to seperate the person from the behavior and just love him through this. I wouldn't want my loved ones to leave me if I got nasty through the treatment, cancer brings out the nasty ~ fight back with love!

Deb, I have been to wooster a few times in the past years. It's a nice town from what I saw. The town I live in is between cambridge and St Clairsville just off I70. It's a nice small town . I was raised in Steubenville . As for Barb, I think that has to be over . she seems set on proving something and I have no idea as to what it is. This is one person that has never said I am wrong, I am sorry or I appologize.. Even when proven wrong. Everytime i talk to her all she wants is to tell me how bad and mean I am. I can do without that in my life right now. I want a happy smiling face to look at, not one that makes me wonder what she will come up with next time. I guess we were raised with different values as I was raised to admit it when I am wrong. I feel sorry that you are being left out of the updates on your Dad and feel this is completely wrong for anyone. I hope you 2 work out your differences and become a close family again.

i WAS that happy smiling face here for jim,,but you all have no clue really as to whats going on... i know im not inocent.. and neither is he,,,sorry to burst all the soap oprera bubbles here but me and jim are not going to get back together... as i said before, yes i feel for him and what he is going thru but it is still no reason for me to be treated like i am and i dont feel i should put up with it.. im know alot of you on here dont agree with me on this.. im sure none of you do but i cant help it.. i tried my best and my best was never good enough...i would hope you all would see that i did care for jim if you would read the post from a few months back, i would be there for him now if it wasnt for the way he pushes me in the other direction,, there is to many things going on here thats not said and im sure no one will ever know or want to know ,, so i would say the best that can happen now is that you all be there for jim,, hes not going to push you all away because you all are in the same situation hes in, and i feel for you all.. no one deserves that but for some reason things happen we all have no control over, i know i should be there for jim but i think you all are better support over the air waves then i would be being there in person,, he seems to value what you all say ,, and im glad he has you all,,you all take care and i wish you all luck

Humm, I think I have been trying to pull you back to me and not push you further away. No more of this on this site. OK?

Jim,
I feel for you very much, and Dell's post above seems to me to just sum up so many things!
If she won't can't be there for you jim, get the support from your family or church---you are MORE than just a 'person in/not in a relationship'---you are you, Barb was with you for 5 years, you were maried and had a family before that.
You may have made mistakes along the way, as we all did.Others often fall short of our expectations and hopes. If anyone could write a book on 'Bliss and Health Forever'--and it actually worked!--they'd be a multi-millionnaire!
What I have learned from 'disatrous' stuff is finally to not take it personally, you've done good stuff, you're not responsible for other people and YOU right now, are the most important person is this horrible scenario you are facing.
Draw on all your resources--you invested a lot of time in your family---call in some 'pay-back time' now, rest, eat and get into next battle tiger!

Brenda

Bren,, lets put our heads together and write that book. Between us we should know all the mistakes and their remedys. LOL My family will be there with and for me. My daughter in law, who is due in a couple of weeks, is coming tueday evening and spending the night so she can go to the hospital with me on thursday morning. I hate for her to go seeing as she is so close to delivering that new boy, but she insists on going. I think thur. is the day they will remove my teeth. For the main surgery to do the implants all my kids will be there . As for Barb,, I would love to see her show up but if she doesn't it's fine. I have too much to live for to not beat this stuff. Thank you for the support and a thank you to our family in this foundation.

Another bit of good news. The oral surgeon has to pull all of my teeth.. I was hoping for just the ones on the bottom. This should add to the fun. LOL

Jim---I can suck a grape to death!!!

Brenda, you sure have me laughing on that one..have to get me a grape LOL

Jim,
I will send you a whole list of stuff which it is possible to get down ya with nothing but gums! having worn full dentures since the age of 30 and only EVER taking them out, privately, for 10 mins at a time to clean, then having biopsies and jaw probs etc., HAD to have them out for some times, including to get some nutrition--I'm now an expert on it!
Brenda

LOL Brenda, you are my hero. Now if I can get some beat them smooth until soft recipes, I'll have it made. I have my blender clean and ready for the big days ahead. I'm still laughing about the suckin the grape LOL

Jim,

See if you can borrow a food processor. There are lots of recipes that will blend all sorts of food to go thru a straw. Just a thought.

Good thought David. Maybe my ex will get me one LOL and I'll take whatever recipes you have.

David, I know what I want to say but can't LOL there are ladies present. Hummm,, wonder if she would like a straw. b-(