Hello, all. I'm just coming out of surgery (Fri 23Sep) for the 2nd time and feel like I've been broadsided by the space shuttle! Not so much physically-although having part of my tongue removed is no fun-but psychologically and emotionally.

I had the option to let the ENT do just the tongue and wait on removal of aprox. 1/2 my lower lip until a later date, but decided to be "agressive" about it, as a 2-month delay for me has meant the difference between a quarter-sized tumor and a mandarin orange-sized tumor. ("successfully" treated with chemo/rad in '03) The doc tried to explain (in the minutes before it was to happen) exactly what was involved with lip dissection.....he wanted to take part of my upper lip and stitch it into the "hole" left by my cancerous lower lip.

As he is the head of the ENT dept, I trusted his judgement; saying only that I didn't want to come out looking like a model for this year's Halloween masks......

I awoke from surgery with a VERY sore tongue-to be expected......and an EXTREMELY disfigured mouth. I have probably 50 stitches that go all the way from the side of my nose almost to the tip of my chin (with an added inch or so on the bottom part of the "y" going to about the center of my bottom lip.)

There go all my hopes of making a beautiful corpse! :-(

I am, to put it lightly-HORRIFIED. I know that the swelling will go down, and when the stitches come out it'll be much less garish, but the thing that's really getting me now is the fact that my mouth is about 1/3 the size it was! I thought my lips were just "stuck" together by blood and gore (that was in no short supply upon my re-emergence), but it seems that my lips have actually been SEWN TOGETHER at almost the midpoint! This is very strange and bizarre to me, and as I have mentioned time and again in my postings....I really DO hate surprises!

Of course the doc had to go out of town immediately, so I am left with no one except his "team" of residents to ask- who seem to think there's something wrong with ME for not being grateful for his "intricate, delicate" work.

Granted, I am under the influence of some strong pain-killers and my judgement may be impaired, but does this seem strange to anyone else?

I know that it would be very easy for me to beat up on myself for rushing into this without fully understanding what was involved, but what's done is done, and I-with my vanity taken down a notch or two-will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. The weird part of it is, though, that my lip has been "chapped" like that for aprox the past 6 years with nothing more than an occasional soreness.

It just doesn't seem right to make a mouth that small- I can't even fit a large spoon in at this point! How the heck is he planning to check the work he did on my tongue without being able to see it?

I'm really in a bad space right now and haven't even been able to bring myself to show it to most of my family and friends-is it possible to wear a face-mask 24/7 indefinately? How am I going to face the world like this? I am a small-business owner (home repair/imp), and much of my ability to get new business is to be able to "schmooze" with potential clients. I can't see myself doing that successfully if they're afraid to let their children see me. I want to work and be productive for as long as is humanly possible, but I feel this is a severe blow.........

I know you wonderful people will have some words of wisdom and warmth to share, and I thank you in advance for your taking the time to console a much-distraught handyman.

Gordon

Gordon
You are right the swelling will go down, the scars will fade and you will be able to look in the mirrior, I expect the Doc has stiched you lips together in the short term to stop you accidently putting strain on your lips till everything has had time to start to heal.
Take comfort from this post I freaked out when I first saw my neck and arm, now it's rare to get a comment.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

Gordon, Helen is exactly correct. Immediately after surgery I was a close double for elephant man (woman) and know that where you are now is absolutely not how you will look later. Let people see you, because it is only going to get better.

Gordon
I cannot help with the results of surgery except to say I am sure Helen is on the right track. But...I am a hairdresser in Lawrenceville, Atlanta, with a large clientel who are always looking for a good handyman! I will be happy to schmooze for you!
Try not to stress too much until you talk to your Doc.
Take Care
Marica

Gordon, I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time after surgery and I was not even sure it was really me. It will improve. God Bless and Take Care, Carol

Gordon, p.s. I just read my prior post and did not like the way it sounded. I was not trying to make light of your situation, trust me, I am three years out of surgery and radiation and still have issues with my appearance although it has much improved. I sent you a private message. Sorry if I came off like you had nothing to be upset about. Write back to me if you want. Carol

Thank you folks so much for taking the time to write. It really helps to calm me down a bit just knowing that it really DOES get better, and the docs are NOT part of an underworld scheme to grotesquely disfigure America. ;-) I have left a call to have him call me ASAP Mon am, and I really hope and pray that Helen is right, and that my mouth will be able to open a bit more.

Carol, I don't feel like you were making light of the situation.....actually that's what I SHOULD be doing- finding the humor and forgetting the horror.

I'm still concerned that that side of my mouth seems to be so far above the other side-it seems like more than just swelling could account for. Is this common? Will I forever have a postoperative "leer".....?

Also I seem to have hair on part of what I had assumed was lip. Good Lord- it's really a mess- I can't really tell for sure what's supposed to go where!!!!

I went through similiar sugery 4 years ago and am still dealing with reconstruction. It will all be better but takes time and you many look a different way...but of course beautiful! The hardest part of the reconstruction(s) I've expereinced is the limitations with the lower dentures (constant frustration) and the lower lip reconstruction limitations. I'm still working on getting "closure" of my mouth so I'm not spitting on people when I do have spit available. The worst moment for me after the initial surgery was seeing my face! I think all of us on this site can relate to that one!

Gordon, don't look in the mirror for awhile. John asked me to take a picture of him in the recovery room after surgery[which I did] I later showed it to our crew at work and no one knew who it was. He is now looking more like himself again 5 1\2 mo later. My mother always told me "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Take your time. Amy