Hello, all. I'm just coming out of surgery (Fri 23Sep) for the 2nd time and feel like I've been broadsided by the space shuttle! Not so much physically-although having part of my tongue removed is no fun-but psychologically and emotionally.

I had the option to let the ENT do just the tongue and wait on removal of aprox. 1/2 my lower lip until a later date, but decided to be "agressive" about it, as a 2-month delay for me has meant the difference between a quarter-sized tumor and a mandarin orange-sized tumor. ("successfully" treated with chemo/rad in '03) The doc tried to explain (in the minutes before it was to happen) exactly what was involved with lip dissection.....he wanted to take part of my upper lip and stitch it into the "hole" left by my cancerous lower lip.

As he is the head of the ENT dept, I trusted his judgement; saying only that I didn't want to come out looking like a model for this year's Halloween masks......

I awoke from surgery with a VERY sore tongue-to be expected......and an EXTREMELY disfigured mouth. I have probably 50 stitches that go all the way from the side of my nose almost to the tip of my chin (with an added inch or so on the bottom part of the "y" going to about the center of my bottom lip.)

There go all my hopes of making a beautiful corpse! :-(

I am, to put it lightly-HORRIFIED. I know that the swelling will go down, and when the stitches come out it'll be much less garish, but the thing that's really getting me now is the fact that my mouth is about 1/3 the size it was! I thought my lips were just "stuck" together by blood and gore (that was in no short supply upon my re-emergence), but it seems that my lips have actually been SEWN TOGETHER at almost the midpoint! This is very strange and bizarre to me, and as I have mentioned time and again in my postings....I really DO hate surprises!

Of course the doc had to go out of town immediately, so I am left with no one except his "team" of residents to ask- who seem to think there's something wrong with ME for not being grateful for his "intricate, delicate" work.

Granted, I am under the influence of some strong pain-killers and my judgement may be impaired, but does this seem strange to anyone else?

I know that it would be very easy for me to beat up on myself for rushing into this without fully understanding what was involved, but what's done is done, and I-with my vanity taken down a notch or two-will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. The weird part of it is, though, that my lip has been "chapped" like that for aprox the past 6 years with nothing more than an occasional soreness.

It just doesn't seem right to make a mouth that small- I can't even fit a large spoon in at this point! How the heck is he planning to check the work he did on my tongue without being able to see it?

I'm really in a bad space right now and haven't even been able to bring myself to show it to most of my family and friends-is it possible to wear a face-mask 24/7 indefinately? How am I going to face the world like this? I am a small-business owner (home repair/imp), and much of my ability to get new business is to be able to "schmooze" with potential clients. I can't see myself doing that successfully if they're afraid to let their children see me. I want to work and be productive for as long as is humanly possible, but I feel this is a severe blow.........

I know you wonderful people will have some words of wisdom and warmth to share, and I thank you in advance for your taking the time to console a much-distraught handyman.

Gordon