Hello all,
I know I keep posting and have one thing after another happen-but now I just feel lost.
My dentist thought I had a mouth infection after just one week of radiation and I felt my throat closing up. Turns out I did not have an infection but my ent gave me antibiotics just in case. My throat was sweling due to radiation and the fact that I have lymphedema of neck and throat and it is swelling more with rad.
I decidied with my onc that I could not stop breathing and have trach just to have radiaiton for insurance. Had no mestasia and negative nodes and stage 2. My ent is furious with me and my oncologist says he perfectly understands and will try to see if chemo can help.
Me- I am now having feelings everyone once in a while of overwhelming sadness, I just want my life back. I want to decide. I want to see my husband happy. I want to eat something one day.
Sorry, Just rambling but just needed to talk.
Anyone just have chemo instead of radiation?

Peace.....I wish you peace....My heart aches for you to be so tortured by a lack of assurance about your treatment. I can't help, exc. to send you caring thoughts.

Dear Peace
I understand what you are feeling. I had a multitude of problems BEFORE I was diagnoed and I can hardly carry out normal functions.

You are not rambling, You are expressing yourself. Your sadness, isolation, loneliness, dispair, etc. You need to say these things and not keep them bottled up.

This forum is a lifeline for a lot of people. You get compassion, caring thoughts, great advice, tried and true suggestions. You even get to chuckle now & then from reading here. There's one nut case here that thinks everything is funny. Watch out for him! His name is Petey something or other. He looks like this !

Sometimes I wake up at night with terrible thoughts. Can't sleep, and not in a TV mood. I jump on the computor and read this forum. It's gives hope, inspiratiion, and encouragement. A real sense of belonging.

So please do not apologize for rambling. We all do it now and again. See, look at me now, ranting and mumbling here. But you know what, it takes my mind off all the negatives. Dang, I forgot what I came on to complain about! It's human nature. This is hard for everyone here, but we get through it together. Like many say here: One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Hang in there Peace. Your never alone here. And the best thing is were open 24/7/365!

Dear Peace, you have been dealing with this [at leat on OCF] since January. And you have been through alot so far- it's no wonder you are very tired, sad and frustrated. It sounds to me like your Onc and ENT should have a talk with each other, as well as you. If the trach is preposed as a tempoarary thing- ie: to get you through radiation- it is not an insurmountable obstacle. Granted it is not pleasant to deal with, but it is manageable. Bottom line is, I guess, how hard do you want to fight? Thinking about you and wishing you strenght. Amy in the Ozarks

August,
Looks like you didn't have rad or chemo and had very similar to me. Is it just the doctors, the part of the USA or what?

Hello Peace,
I'm new at all this, my mom is the patient and I will be her caregiver....I do understand the feeling of frustration having one doc seem like they are not happy with you responding to another doc... My mom, Rose, hasn't had surgery yet, she is scheduled for Tues, the 15th. Already she is saying everything you wrote above...it's heartbreaking and frustrating and to me it seems like the patient has no control, all you want is for it to be over and healed. I just wanted you to know that I will pray for you. I hope that you find peace.
Donna

Hello Donna,
It must be hard for us who have cared for others and are used to that to give up and not make anymore decisions. I am trying to get out from under this depression feeling so hard. Good luck to you and your MOm and just try one day at a time to start with. Peace for you also.

May I ask for an opinion from anyone on here. Since I am not taking the Radiation, which I got very depressed over, they were going to think about Chemo but have not gotten back to me. Since they did not want to do Chemo to begin with, how safe should I feel that they pull it out now? They waste more time just going from one doctor to another. I feel like a quinea pig. Didn't Brian say he refused Chemo treatmtents? I saw that on here but cannot find it now to read it. I wish I knew why?

can someone enlighten me on some stuff before I drive myself crazier?
Peace

Dear Peace,

Sorry to hear of the tumoil and pain that you are going through.

If I am reading your post correctly, I am confused as to why you were having radiation "for insurance".

Jerry

Hey Jerry,
Thanks for taking the time to answer. The "insurance" means that they have said I am cancer free but should take radiation for insurance against micro pieces being in my body.
Thanks!

After much discussion with a radiation oncolgist it was decided the difference the radiation would make in my chances of recurrence did not warrant the side effects that the treament would cause me. So no radiation for me, but somedays I wish I had taken it, just in case!
I think sometimes we think the Doctors make these decisions randomly (or at least it seems like they do) but they look very closely at each individual case and decide what is best for each person. In my case I made them all sit down (surgical and radiation people) and go over my stuff just one more time, so I would feel more confident with the decision.