I wonder if Helen would mind coming down from her tree for a while so i can climb to the top and hide.

This morning i went to the Doctor about my damaged sciatic nerve, which is no better and if anything is worse two months down the line.I have been in so much pain it has been driving me to drink,so i thought i had tried long enough to get better myself,i needed a helping hand.After examining me the Doctor said i needed an MRI scan as i had no reflexes,and reduced power and loss of sensation in my leg.That was fine and i was pleased to be getting something done about it.

I dont go to the Doctor more than once or twice a year,so i thought while i was there i would mention a lump i discovered some time ago,just above my left clavicle directly below my ear.For the past few days it has got bigger and makes my neck feel very tight when i turn my head,and my throat feels a bit sore, infact i had to remove the chain i wear as it felt as if it was choking me.

Doctor Rickwood examined the swelling and said it was very diffuse,he then examined my arm pit and my left breast,both of which he thinks are ok.
Next thing i know he is referring me to the hospital for an urgent ultrasound which he says must be done ASAP.
I trawled the internet some time a go to see the causes of what is called a swollen supraclavicular lymph node,none of which are very pleasant and the Doctor did mention the possibility of a branchial cyst but didnt think that was likely ,so now i wait.

For the first time in fifteen years i had no one to ring up and tell,no one to tell me its nothing to worry about no one to hold me ,no brother or sister in laws house to got to for coffee and a chat and all the people who became close and important to me over the last year are 300 miles away.
I cant speak to the children as i dont want them to worry so as has become my habit since February i am dumping my fear on my OCF family.

I know i should have gone to the Doctor weeks ago but i refused to believe it could be anything other than a swollen gland from the terrible cold and chest infection i had when Robin died,talk about ignoring your own advice!!

For the first time since Robin died i am playing our wedding video,just so i can see him alive and hear him speaking and laughing,how sad is that? How i wish he was here.

Sorry to whine guys i just needed to unload,this fear is stifling and consuming and has certainly brought back to life a part of my persona i thought had died with Robin.

I am not brave like he was or so many of you are.I cant face the thought of my family bearing any more pain this year it would be too much.Guess the next week or so are going to be a long time coming.

Liz

Oh Liz, Reading your post bought tears to my eyes. I am not experienced enough to help, but as a tiny part of the OCF family I support you and you can "dump" on me anytime. Good luck with the appointments and keep the faith.
Will look for your update.
Sammie

Oh Liz
Well I wont come down, but I'll move over and share a branch.
Why do we silly women think we can do it all by ourselves. I've not told anyone about my concerns with my tongue. (well except for a few thousand people on the OCF forum)
So fess up lady.. How long has it been there? Have you got a date for the ultrasound?
Considering all you have been through it is perfectly possible that the infection you got has not got out of your system yet, if you are near the hospital ring on Monday and tell them if they get a cancellation to ring you and you will hotfoot it down there.
What can I say really, I know you will have told yourself all the things you will here from us.
It ain't anything till someone says it is.
(20 years ago I had a lump on my left breast, after 4 wks of freaking out it turned out to be a benign cyst)
Pour a drink, I'm in Lincolnshire this weekend being a yellow-belly.
If you need someone to talk to, mail me and I'll ring you.
Shit happens, the best thing is to duck.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

Dear Liz.... Don`t worry.. it`s nothing and consider yourself (((hugged)))).
It is such a part of human nature not to want to worry the family but sometimes you just need shoulder to lean on for a while.
You have been a very strong lady and deserve to have a wee melt down... try not to rely too much on the drinkie poo`s.. all you will get from that is a rotten hangover!

Now go and have some cheese with that whine....... and try not to worry yourself to death over the weekend.


Let us know OK?
Marica

This gets worse because we have a postal strike here and there is no post being collected or delivered from wednesday last week till next Wednesday!!

Liz
Tomorrow first thing, phone, and get your appointment over the phone. (they may be glad, they obviously cannot send out any appointments)Or ask at your surgery, see if they have a direct number.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

Oi you. lady---how many times do I have to tell you to look after yourself?????????
We're all here for you--and so are all your relatives---just TELL EM!!!!!!!!!!
Back tomorrow,
Bren x

Liz,

When will you get the results of your ultrasound back? I pray everything turns out fine.

What a beautiful thing, to watch your wedding video. It makes me wonder on what dusty shelf mine is sitting.

Liz you are very brave, I have admired your courage from my first post here.

Please keep us posted.

God Bless,

Hello Liz,
I can't even think of what to write to you to help ease your mind. You haven't stopped in months, trying to be normal--whatever the hell that means these days, and you've been fighting a nasty bug and incredible heartbreak!
I'm trying to recall all of your great advice that you have shared with others to help ease your worries...but all I can think is, "When is Liz going to be given a break?!" I wish I could help you somehow, wish I could come and visit with you to help you unburden your heart some. Talking to a friend sometimes helps. I know in my case that really didn't work for me, finding you and the rest of our family here is what helped me most. I know how much you mean to all of us, so....let it out!
Before I leave I have to tell you that I smirked when I read the beginning of your post, I can only imagine what the newest members think when they read about "...Helen coming down from her tree..."
Love,
Donna

Hi thanks for you messages girlfriends This is tough and gives me a different pespective about this damned waiting game.I find myself touching and feeling this intruder every few minutes,its absolutely obsessive.sometimes i think it is smaller,sometimes bigger,sometimes i feel confident it is nothing serious,then it feels overwhelmingly terrifying.Its not like a lump,its like a sausage under the skin across my collar bone ,heading up towards my ear,and there definately isnt one the other side,sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesnt and my neck is quite swollen,and my spirits are flagging daily.Watching the video might not have been the best idea,but at least i now feel as if i am grieving as it made me cry a lot and every picture of Rob is doing the same.
But i am still waiting for the appointment as those of you who live in the UK know the country has ground to a halt because of the postal strike!So i am waitng for a phone call hopefully

thanks again for letting me get my feelings on paper and your support which is priceless.