| Joined: Feb 2012 Posts: 151 Senior Member (100+ posts) | OP Senior Member (100+ posts) Joined: Feb 2012 Posts: 151 | My-husband-had-his-20-month-post-treatment-CT-scan-this-week.Met-with-the-chemo-doctor,everything-looked-great.Next-day-met-with-the-ENT-and-he-said-there-was-a-.8x.4cm-lateral-lesion-along-the-right-lateral-wall-of-the-trachea-at-T3-vertebra-level.He-said-they-would-be-bringing-it-up-at-the-tumor-board-yesterday.
Received-the-call-from-the-nurse-and-they-want-to-do-a-biopsy.Only-avaialable-date-is-day-after-Christmas-or-January-20th.I-said-noon-after-Christmas-would-work.
Next,I-come-downstairs-and-my-husband-asks-what-they-said.I-hope-I-did-the-right-thing.I-LIED!!There-is-no-way-I-am-ruining-his-Christmas.The-kids-are-all-here-and-the-relief-on-his-face-showed-me-I-made-the-right-choice.
Now-the-problem,when-the-scheduling-nurse-called-back-she-said-surgery-at-7:30-and-be-there-at-5:30.We-are-3-hours-away-so-with-the-chance-of-bad-weather-this-means-leaving-the-night-before(Christmas-Day.So-with-all-the-family-still-here-I-will-have-to-tell-him-by-5-so-we-can-pack-and-make-it-to-the-Hope-Lodge-before-curfew-at-10.
OK,caregivers-and-patients,did-I-make-the-right-decision.There-is-no-way-I-could-wait-a-month-for-a-biospy.I-can't-talk-to-the-kids-or-my-parents,don't-want-to-ruin-the-next-few-days.
I-am-praying-this-will-be-nothing.I-am-optimistic,first-time-2-years-ago-I-was-very-optimistic-until-they-said-cancer-and-I-had-to-apologize-to-my-husband-for-not-taking-believing-it-could-be-something-serious.
Just-something-they-need-to-look-at-since-the-ENT-could-not-see-it-during-the-scope.He-is-doing-too-well-to-be-getting-sick-again.Crazy-thing-is-it-was-there-6-months-ago-on-the-scan-and-never-mentioned-or-checked.They-did-say-it-was-a-little-bigger-6-months-ago-least-it-has-not-grown.
Thanks-for-letting-me-vent.I-am-the-type-that-tends-to-talk-things-out-to-no-end-when-dealing-with-frustrations.Now-I-can't-say-a-word-and-am-dreading-telling-him-Christmas-afternoon.
Yep,I-KNOW-it's-not-cancer-till-they-say-it-is-but-try-telling-my-husband-that!!
Paul,or-anyone-else?Any-idea-what-the-nodule-on-the-trachea-could-be?His-original-cancer-was-of-the-right-vocal-cord-so-is-that-area-close.Hopefully-side-effect-from-radiation.
Sorry-about-the-dashes-between-words.My-space-key-quit-working.Maybe-my-ex-GEEK-Squad-son-will-be-able-to-fix-it.
Husband diagnosed Oct '11 Cancer of the vocal cord Nov '11 removed right vocal cord. Neck Dissection, cancer in one node, .2, very small & contained) Jan '12 Radiation and Cisplatin, 6 doses. June '12 & Dec '12 clear Pet scan. April '13 Celebrating 1 year cancer free since treatment ended.
| | | | Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,606 Likes: 2 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,606 Likes: 2 | Sorry to hear your Christmas spirit has been dampened a bit. I think you did what you felt was best and I admire you for shouldering the burden in hopes the holiday cheer won't be ruined.
Try to enjoy the family time as it is always precious. Best wishes for some good news on the biopsy. It could be some scar tissue, burned up glands or a host of things.
SCC Stage IV, BOT, T2N2bM0 Cisplatin/5FU x 3, 40 days radiation Diagnosis 07/21/03 tx completed 10/08/03 Post Radiation Lower Motor Neuron Syndrome 3/08. Cervical Spinal Stenosis 01/11 Cervical Myelitis 09/12 Thoracic Paraplegia 10/12 Dysautonomia 11/12 Hospice care 09/12-01/13. COPD 01/14 Intermittent CHF 6/15 Feeding tube NPO 03/16 VFI 12/2016 ORN 12/2017 Cardiac Event 06/2018 Bilateral VFI 01/2021 Thoracotomy Bilobectomy 01/2022 Bilateral VFI 05/2022 Total Laryngectomy 01/2023
| | | | Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 1 | I sorry Terrib. I wouldn't want to wait for a biopsy either, and you made the right decision, if that works for you both. I hope it's nothing. If it was bigger 6 months ago than now that may be a good sign.
Good luck with everything. Can everyone celebrate on Christmas Eve instead? That may help.
10/09 T1N2bM0 Tonsil 11/09 Taxo Cisp 5-FU, 6 Months Hosp 01/11 35 IMRT 70Gy 7 Wks 06/11 30 HBO 08/11 RND PNI 06/12 SND PNI LVI 08/12 RND Pec Flap IORT 12 Gy 10/12 25 IMRT 50Gy 6 Wks Taxo Erbitux 10/13 SND 10/13 TBO/Angiograph 10/13 RND Carotid Remove IORT 10Gy PNI 12/13 25 Protons 50Gy 6 Wks Carbo 11/14 All Teeth Extract 30 HBO 03/15 Sequestromy Buccal Flap ORN 09/16 Mandibulectomy Fib Flap Sternotomy 04/17 Regraft hypergranulation Donor Site 06/17 Heart Attack Stent 02/19 Finally Cancer Free Took 10 yrs
| | | | Joined: Sep 2012 Posts: 381 "OCF Canuck" Platinum Member (300+ posts) | "OCF Canuck" Platinum Member (300+ posts) Joined: Sep 2012 Posts: 381 | I personally would be very unhappy if this was kept from me. I understand your motivation, but if it were my husband who did that to me, I would have a hard time being ok with it. It's his treatment/health, and not your choice to make.
You obviously know him better than anyone here, so it's your call to make, but my vote is to tell him separate from the rest of the family, and let him choose who to tell.
A few months ago my CT showed an "anomaly". I had to get a follow-up CT in 3 months to compare, so it was stressful, but I would still prefer to know than not. Had that been kept from me, I would have been furious.
Tina Diag: Aug. 13/12 T3N0M0 50% + glossectomy and bilateral radical neck dissection, removal of nodes zones I - V Surgery October 11/12 Chemo/rad on hold due to clear margins and nodes Sept 21/13 clear CT with anomaly thought to be the artery, being watched closely. Dec 16/13 - anomaly confirmed artery, all clear nickname: "get 'r done" Plans: kick cancer's butt
| | | | Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 1,024 "OCF Kiwi Down Under" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | "OCF Kiwi Down Under" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 1,024 | Oh Terri, I am really sorry to hear that you guys have this stress at Christmas - or at any time. You know Jeff best and you know how he would react. Kris would have been furious with me for not telling him, especially as you can't really wriggle out of this as the time frame is so short. When Kris was originally diagnosed 3 years ago, the ENT rang me to tell me the biopsy was positve for SCC. I did not tell Kris. The ENT told him a week later, pretending that I did not know either. I knew Kris would have been furious with me knowing and him not. In fact, Kris told me that he was going to the ENT appt by himself to get the results as this was about him. I replied that what happened to Him happened to Me. To this day Kris still doesn't know that I was aware of his diagnosis well before he was. All this said Terri, if I was you, I would find a quiet time when you and Jeff can talk and I would tell him that his team is recommending a biopsy on the 26th. You just have to be honest and say your gut instinct was to protect him, that you wanted him to really enjoy Christmas with the Family. He will understand I'm sure. Gosh, this is a hard one. Either way it will upset Christmas Day . Do try not to preempt what this all means, it may well be nothing, but the Team is doing the best for Jeff by doing a biopsy. The good stuff is that this spot was seen on the previous scan and has not grown. I would be comforted by that. In spite, of all this Terri, you will have a good Christmas surrounded by your Family and their love. Tammy
Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT. PET 6/11 clear. R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in. March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!
| | | | Joined: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,291 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) Joined: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,291 Likes: 1 | Terri,
I'm sorry to hear something was picked up on the scan. The good thing something was picked up on the scan so you can get ahead of it, whatever it may be. Sort of odd that this time they decide to biopsy it whereas they let it go 6 months ago and it has not grown. Better safe than sorry.
You know your husband best of all and the best judge of what do to in this instance. Do what is going to make him most comfortable about this situation, others are bystanders.
don
Don Male, 57 - Great health except C Dec '12 DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes 1 tooth out Jan '13 2nd tooth out Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT 4-6/2013 CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150 ended 5/29,6/4 All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com | | | | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 29 Contributing Member (25+ posts) | Contributing Member (25+ posts) Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 29 | Sorry you're going through this. You are carrying a heavy burden by not sharing with others. We need help. This is a great website in which I can write my experiences and vent, but personally, I need hugs, a shoulder, an ear....Your family will also feel blessed that they can help because after all, it's not them suffering the immediate pain. Don't worry about ruining anyone's Christmas. They will feel bad if you don't tell them. Trust me!
My husband didn't want anyone to know, and I respected his choice. I told a couple of prayer warriors from my church, but the rest of the time I had a poker face. He told the children a few days before the surgery. They were very supportive and ready to help even tough it didn't get to that.
It's important to put yourself in your husband's shoes too. It's his life. He needs to know he has a part in managing it and making decisions. That's what I would prefer if it was me.
I pray that God illuminates your lives and decisions at every step, amen.
Patty / husband Dx with Stage 1 SCC November '12, BOT ulcer June '13, first biopsy-negative. October '13, second biopsy-positive November '13, second opinion at CCC, T1 December '13, partial glossectomy. September '14, biopsy on lymph nodes, 1 tested positive. October '14, right side neck dissection. 14 nods out, with only one affected. November '14, T1N1M0 radiation in the recommended by oncologist December '14, radiation treatment
| | | | Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 805 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 805 | I can't believe you haven't called me!!!!!
Kathy wife/caregiver to: Kevin age:53 Dx 7/15/11 HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R Non smoker, casual drinker 7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11 PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11 Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14 | | | | Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 404 Likes: 2 "OCF Down Under" Platinum Member (300+ posts) | "OCF Down Under" Platinum Member (300+ posts) Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 404 Likes: 2 | Sorry you're going through this.
I agree with Tina's comments. As a patient I would be very upset and angry if my spouse kept information about my health from me. Karen
46 yrs: Apr 07-SCC 80% entire tongue removed,T4N1M0 Neck/D,Jaw Split, Trache 2 ops,PEG 3.5yrs 30 x rad,6 x Cisplatin, 30 x HBO Apr'08- flap Recon + ORN Mandibulectomy (hip bone to reconstruct jaw) Oct'08 1 Plate out-jaw Mar'09 Debulk flap Sep'09/Jan&Nov'10/Feb&Jun'11/Jan&Jul'12/Oct'13/April'14-More surgery
| | | | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | Terrib - Of course you know your husband better than anyone here and can probably judge his reactions, so these are just my thoughts for whatever they are worth:
If you DO tell him, I would start with all the positives, i.e. it's just something the doctors want to check, it hasn't grown any so they just want to be sure with a biopsy. It's not cancer until a biopsy says it is. And you can leave it up to him whether he wants others to know. That way he still has some measure of control. With Christmas so close, you can keep him busy until biopsy time.
If you do NOT tell him, you may risk his not believing you whenever anything else comes up in the future. When my son was in treatment, I always told him the truth, but when Rads ended and we were just going to Dr. appointments, he reached a point where he did not want me to go with him. I don't know if he had doubts about my telling him everything or he just wanted to exercise his prerogatives as an adult - which he had a perfect right to do.
Because you and your husband know each other so well, you may also be communicating by non-verbal means. A certain look or expression on your face or other body language may give away what you are feeling. (Unless you are a very good actress).
If it were me, I would want to know the truth. With the truth you are better able to fight the fight and do what you have to do to survive.
Anne-Marie CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
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