My-husband-had-his-20-month-post-treatment-CT-scan-this-week.Met-with-the-chemo-doctor,everything-looked-great.Next-day-met-with-the-ENT-and-he-said-there-was-a-.8x.4cm-lateral-lesion-along-the-right-lateral-wall-of-the-trachea-at-T3-vertebra-level.He-said-they-would-be-bringing-it-up-at-the-tumor-board-yesterday.
Received-the-call-from-the-nurse-and-they-want-to-do-a-biopsy.Only-avaialable-date-is-day-after-Christmas-or-January-20th.I-said-noon-after-Christmas-would-work.
Next,I-come-downstairs-and-my-husband-asks-what-they-said.I-hope-I-did-the-right-thing.I-LIED!!There-is-no-way-I-am-ruining-his-Christmas.The-kids-are-all-here-and-the-relief-on-his-face-showed-me-I-made-the-right-choice.
Now-the-problem,when-the-scheduling-nurse-called-back-she-said-surgery-at-7:30-and-be-there-at-5:30.We-are-3-hours-away-so-with-the-chance-of-bad-weather-this-means-leaving-the-night-before(Christmas-Day.So-with-all-the-family-still-here-I-will-have-to-tell-him-by-5-so-we-can-pack-and-make-it-to-the-Hope-Lodge-before-curfew-at-10.
OK,caregivers-and-patients,did-I-make-the-right-decision.There-is-no-way-I-could-wait-a-month-for-a-biospy.I-can't-talk-to-the-kids-or-my-parents,don't-want-to-ruin-the-next-few-days.
I-am-praying-this-will-be-nothing.I-am-optimistic,first-time-2-years-ago-I-was-very-optimistic-until-they-said-cancer-and-I-had-to-apologize-to-my-husband-for-not-taking-believing-it-could-be-something-serious.
Just-something-they-need-to-look-at-since-the-ENT-could-not-see-it-during-the-scope.He-is-doing-too-well-to-be-getting-sick-again.Crazy-thing-is-it-was-there-6-months-ago-on-the-scan-and-never-mentioned-or-checked.They-did-say-it-was-a-little-bigger-6-months-ago-least-it-has-not-grown.
Thanks-for-letting-me-vent.I-am-the-type-that-tends-to-talk-things-out-to-no-end-when-dealing-with-frustrations.Now-I-can't-say-a-word-and-am-dreading-telling-him-Christmas-afternoon.
Yep,I-KNOW-it's-not-cancer-till-they-say-it-is-but-try-telling-my-husband-that!!
Paul,or-anyone-else?Any-idea-what-the-nodule-on-the-trachea-could-be?His-original-cancer-was-of-the-right-vocal-cord-so-is-that-area-close.Hopefully-side-effect-from-radiation.
Sorry-about-the-dashes-between-words.My-space-key-quit-working.Maybe-my-ex-GEEK-Squad-son-will-be-able-to-fix-it.
Sorry to hear your Christmas spirit has been dampened a bit. I think you did what you felt was best and I admire you for shouldering the burden in hopes the holiday cheer won't be ruined.
Try to enjoy the family time as it is always precious. Best wishes for some good news on the biopsy. It could be some scar tissue, burned up glands or a host of things.
I sorry Terrib. I wouldn't want to wait for a biopsy either, and you made the right decision, if that works for you both. I hope it's nothing. If it was bigger 6 months ago than now that may be a good sign.
Good luck with everything. Can everyone celebrate on Christmas Eve instead? That may help.
I personally would be very unhappy if this was kept from me. I understand your motivation, but if it were my husband who did that to me, I would have a hard time being ok with it. It's his treatment/health, and not your choice to make.
You obviously know him better than anyone here, so it's your call to make, but my vote is to tell him separate from the rest of the family, and let him choose who to tell.
A few months ago my CT showed an "anomaly". I had to get a follow-up CT in 3 months to compare, so it was stressful, but I would still prefer to know than not. Had that been kept from me, I would have been furious.
Oh Terri, I am really sorry to hear that you guys have this stress at Christmas - or at any time.
You know Jeff best and you know how he would react.
Kris would have been furious with me for not telling him, especially as you can't really wriggle out of this as the time frame is so short.
When Kris was originally diagnosed 3 years ago, the ENT rang me to tell me the biopsy was positve for SCC. I did not tell Kris. The ENT told him a week later, pretending that I did not know either. I knew Kris would have been furious with me knowing and him not. In fact, Kris told me that he was going to the ENT appt by himself to get the results as this was about him. I replied that what happened to Him happened to Me. To this day Kris still doesn't know that I was aware of his diagnosis well before he was.
All this said Terri, if I was you, I would find a quiet time when you and Jeff can talk and I would tell him that his team is recommending a biopsy on the 26th. You just have to be honest and say your gut instinct was to protect him, that you wanted him to really enjoy Christmas with the Family. He will understand I'm sure.
Gosh, this is a hard one. Either way it will upset Christmas Day .
Do try not to preempt what this all means, it may well be nothing, but the Team is doing the best for Jeff by doing a biopsy. The good stuff is that this spot was seen on the previous scan and has not grown. I would be comforted by that.
In spite, of all this Terri, you will have a good Christmas surrounded by your Family and their love.
Tammy
Terri,
I'm sorry to hear something was picked up on the scan. The good thing something was picked up on the scan so you can get ahead of it, whatever it may be. Sort of odd that this time they decide to biopsy it whereas they let it go 6 months ago and it has not grown. Better safe than sorry.
You know your husband best of all and the best judge of what do to in this instance. Do what is going to make him most comfortable about this situation, others are bystanders.
don
Sorry you're going through this. You are carrying a heavy burden by not sharing with others. We need help. This is a great website in which I can write my experiences and vent, but personally, I need hugs, a shoulder, an ear....Your family will also feel blessed that they can help because after all, it's not them suffering the immediate pain. Don't worry about ruining anyone's Christmas. They will feel bad if you don't tell them. Trust me!
My husband didn't want anyone to know, and I respected his choice. I told a couple of prayer warriors from my church, but the rest of the time I had a poker face. He told the children a few days before the surgery. They were very supportive and ready to help even tough it didn't get to that.
It's important to put yourself in your husband's shoes too. It's his life. He needs to know he has a part in managing it and making decisions. That's what I would prefer if it was me.
I pray that God illuminates your lives and decisions at every step, amen.
I can't believe you haven't called me!!!!!
Sorry you're going through this.
I agree with Tina's comments. As a patient I would be very upset and angry if my spouse kept information about my health from me.
Karen
Terrib - Of course you know your husband better than anyone here and can probably judge his reactions, so these are just my thoughts for whatever they are worth:
If you DO tell him, I would start with all the positives, i.e. it's just something the doctors want to check, it hasn't grown any so they just want to be sure with a biopsy. It's not cancer until a biopsy says it is. And you can leave it up to him whether he wants others to know. That way he still has some measure of control. With Christmas so close, you can keep him busy until biopsy time.
If you do NOT tell him, you may risk his not believing you whenever anything else comes up in the future. When my son was in treatment, I always told him the truth, but when Rads ended and we were just going to Dr. appointments, he reached a point where he did not want me to go with him. I don't know if he had doubts about my telling him everything or he just wanted to exercise his prerogatives as an adult - which he had a perfect right to do.
Because you and your husband know each other so well, you may also be communicating by non-verbal means. A certain look or expression on your face or other body language may give away what you are feeling. (Unless you are a very good actress).
If it were me, I would want to know the truth. With the truth you are better able to fight the fight and do what you have to do to survive.
As a patient I would hate NOT to know but I would also HATE to know considering all things. Damned if you do....Tough decision but you have made the decision so go with it.
I would tell him at some point, soon. Not to ruin his Christmas, but he should know - I would tell him one dr. Said he was clear, but you got another call and they want to check out a spot - that has been there a while and seems to have gotten smaller. It's probably not cancer but better safe than sorry so they want to remove it and that way it's gone - which is better than not knowing.
I would have chosen the earlier time as well. Hugs. Im not going to say sorry because I think it's possibly scar tissue or what not. And I'm sticking with that, hugs.
I-just-wanted-to-thank-everyone-for-their-input-of-ideas,it-gave-me-some-different-sperpectives-to-consider.
I-know-I-made-the-right-choice-but-he-has-asked-me-a-couple-times-"what-did-the-nurse-really-say-when-she-called?"He-even-said-"you'd-better-not-lie-about-this"not-in-a-threatening-way-but-light-hearted.Also,asked-me-if-I-was-not-telling-him-till-after-the-holidays-so-it-won't-ruin-Christmas.
I-think-he-knows-there-is-a-possible-problem-but-with-his-"no-need-to-know-attitude"-he-is-content-in-not-knowing.If-he-really-wanted-the-truth-out-of-me-he-would-use-our-standard-"do-you-swear-on-the-Bible".Believe-me,he-has-no-interest,doesn't-even-know-the-name-of-his-rare-cancer-or-the-stage.He-is-content-with-me-making-all-the-decisions-and-just-telling-him-where-and-when-to-go-with-no-details.
I-guess-it-works-for-him.He-has-no-trouble-sleeping,not-like-me-who-has-been-up-the-last-3-hours.
Thanks-again-for-all-your-support-and-have-a-wonderful-Chrismas.
Terri,
Have a wonderful Christmas with your Family.
Tammy
Hope things went well today...
WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!! Everything looks good. Couldn't even find anything to biopsy. Thank you God and Merry Christmas to us!! (sounds like it was just the gunk Jeff gags up every morning.) They had to suction a lot out. Will refer him to a lung specialist to check for allergies, ect.
***UPDATE on my plan to not tell Jeff. I waited till 5pm Christmas afternoon and and started telling him that like are daugher-in-law just planned a trip for our son's 30th birthday and called him at work to say they were leaving on a plane in 2 hours for NY" I told him he had 1 1/2 hours to pack leave since I made reservations in the cites (at the Hope Lodge). He knew right away that it was medical and wasn't happy that I hadn't told him the truth. After the shock wore off he realized it was the best thing I could of done. Just knowing his attitude last night and this morning before surgery proved it would of been a bad week and awful Christmas. I also found out that between our 4 adult kids and 15 year old only one can handle details and the other 4 don't want to know anything, just like their dad.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!!
Yeah!!!L
have a merry after Christmas.
Wonderful Terri.
Pays to trust your instincts.
Tammy.
What a great story Teri! Glad you enjoyed your Christmas. But I'm really glad to hear they couldn't find anything to biopsy.
Ed
Great news Terri, I'm glad it all worked out!
Great news Terrib!
My husband also let me take charge for him, I made the calls and asked all the questions. He went along, even though he was too scared to ask certain questions I always asked his permission before asking a doctor so that he would be OK and ready to know more. At one point recently he stoped me in the middle of a question about radiation and its effeciency. It was a little unsettling but I respected his wishes. Now he is at a stage were he is wanting to be informed, he also wants to meet and talk to other survivers.
It ispossible for a scan to pick up phlegm as somthing suspicious? Is that all it was? Wheeeehw, well its goog to know, all the best, Sophie
Sophie...
I-don't-know-for-sure-if-the-CT-can-pick-up-mucus,but-whatever-it-was-they-saw-it-was-there-6-months-ago.My-guess-is-that-it-must-of-been-in-the-same-location-to-cause-them-to-question-it-this-time-and-not-6-months-ago.
We-will-see-what-the-lung-doctor-comes-up-with-next.
It-is-still-fresh-in-my-thoughts-how-last's-weeks-trip-could-of-changed-everything.Like-my-husband-said,"he-has-been-given-a-reprieve".I-am-so-thankful-not-to-be-going-down-that-road-again.
:O) hello Terrib! So great to hear from you,
Celebrating your 1 Year CLEAR!!!
Cheers to the both of you, Sophie
Hi, Terri
we also had a scare with my husband's follow up chest x-ray this summer - it turned out to be scarring that probably been present for decades. The PET's had picked this up, and our ENT said to not worry too much about it, but getting a big old ABNORMAL on the results is scary.
The lungs can be impacted by all sorts of things that will show up on an x-ray or CT scan. Inflamation and scarring can both result in a positive read and have nothing whatever to do with cancer.
Best wishes on the pulmonologist visit. Keep in mind that some sort of lung damage is pretty common - most people never find out about it!
Maria
Congratulations, Teri and Jeff! I'm so happy to hear of this news! Happy, healthy New Year!
Love in OCF,
Kerri