and am SO hoping it is nothing, that is just some version of acne...

It is right under the jawbone, embedded in the skin (I think), maybe an inch of the center line of my face, to the left side (my cancer was on the left). I have just quickly looked up lymph nodes in this area and we do have them, they are called submental. But I don't know how deep they are, surely they are not in the skin? Please tell me that they are somewhere deeper. What should I look for in terms of hardness/softness, movability etc.? I am still pretty numb in that general area, so wouldn't be able to say if it hurts or not.

I have just finished my rads, on Monday. My skin has been breaking out in that area, and I have always had acne issues. There are quite a few breakouts there, more on the face than on the neck, but still some on the neck. Quite logical since I have been using various greasy creams. Had I felt this pre cancer, I would have taken it for one of those acne breakouts than don't break through the top of the skin.

I have an (unrelated) dermatologist appointment on Thursday next week. Do I wait till then to ask him to have a look at it? Do I call someone on Monday? And whom - my RO, or ENT/surgeon or? I do not want to look like the boy who cried wolf over what is hopefully an acne. But I am completely freaking out. Really having issues holding myself together and not completely falling apart. One of my first thoughts were " I should have insisted on chemo".

Hopefully it is just an acne, but boy do I get a taste how the rest of my life will be fearing every small thing.

I don't know how long its been there, but as always, the best thing to do is tell your doctor. Call to see if they, MO, RO or ENT, can move you to an earlier appointment, otherwise, wait to show the dermatologist, and it may even dissappear by then. It's common to have swelling under the chin from lymphatic fluid build-up due to radiation and or surgery, mine was the size of a golf ball, also called a turkey neck. I showed my RO, who discounted it as being cancer, so I just ignored it, never showed on any scans, and took a year to somewhat disappear. There is also the submandibular salivary gland tat could be enlarged or duct blocked. It's difficult to tell by the feel of a lymph if it's is cancerous or not, except for a very skilled doctor, and could be moveable, especially when small or fixed, firm, when it attaches to structures, but not always. It's more the shape, tear drop, center thickness they rely on, I believe, and out of my scope.

You mention skin breakdown, and could be an infection also, such as an abcess, cellulitis, so monitor that for fever, increase in size, redness, spider veins, and any infection can get serous rather quickly. I had an abcess surgically removed from the side of my chin, and with a compromised immune system you are more susceptible to infection, which can go systemic if not treated properly.

Good luck with everything.

Hi ambra I had a similar bump that moved with the skin it turned out to be a blackhead (zit) after rads the skin is tougher and doesn't let them pop mine lasted two months before I finally was able to pop it lol had to pull out blackhead with tweezers lol hopefully that is what you have my lymph node wouldn't move with skin was deeper part of muscle...
good luck ken

Thanks Paul and Doolitle!

The damn thing is hard, about 1/3" diameter in size. It is right under the skin - that is why it feels like an underskin zit, and that is what I keep telling myself. It does move with the skin too. My anatomy knowledge is horrible, but am hoping that the lymph nodes in that area are not that shallow but hopefully somewhat deeper.

I will meet a personal friend of my mine tomorrow that happens to be a neurologist and ask her at least about the location of lymph nodes and if this could be one or not. Hopefully not and I can calm down I will take it from there to see if I am going to try to call someone from my cancer team on Monday or wait till I see the dermatologist on Thursday. My first scheduled followup is with my ENT/surgeon on January 6th and I doubt that it could be moved up earlier for this. Hmm, maybe I will be call the nurse who works with my RO on Monday.

Manny apologies for my ramblings - am very scared now.

Try not to be scared - definitely have it check out... But hopefully it's just a zit - it could even be a node but an upset one. Your body's been through a lot chances are you're still glowing in the dark. Because of the radiation and all that's been done to you hour nodes may be inflamed etc... Or you may have a bit of an infection - it may even be a clip or a stitch or an air pocket. Not sure if you know what they do to you during a neck dissection but I apparently have a few clips inside my neck.. Ala Frankenstein style... One is actually in my scar line and you can see it through the scar it's so superficial. Here was also an air bubble on my collar bone - tine - maybe 2mm - that went away- it was a hold over from my surgery. They don't only cut where your scar is - they pull the skin away from your face and cut in to your internal throat. So there are all sorts of fun things in there after their done. Hugs again try not to worry. But do have it check out - even if it's just for peace of mind

Ambra, do your very best to stay busy to keep your mind off worrying and thinking "what if". I know its not easy to avoid worrying about this but you can get past this fear with a little effort. Try to limit how long you contemplate the bump then "change the channel" and think about more positive things.

The bump could be anything. Get yourself checked out and then you can relax and focus on your recovery. You just finished rads so you have a very long road until you are back on your feet. Focus on what is controllable (your daily intake).

Hang in there, better days are right around the corner

Sometimes a lump is just a lump.

Ambra, you've already taken positive steps, like coming here, and planning to talk to your neurologist friend. It couldn't hurt to try to get your appointment moved up especially if it can relieve some of the anxiety of waiting. Just waiting and worrying about anything is a definite crazy-maker. Tell them this if/when you call about possibly moving up your appointment. People cancel appointments all the time so they might be able to fit you in someplace. Things to get better. So keep moving and taking positive steps.

Hi, Ambra,

You are in the phase of treatment where every change sets off alarms and tons of anxiety. Since you just completed radiation, I agree with everyone here. Get seen as soon as you can to relieve your anxiety as much as finding out what the bump may be. My husband had numerous post radiation infections that presented as lumps, bumps, oozing and fever. You are at increased risk of infection from the radiation as your body's ability to fight off the bugs is decreased. Be vigilant so that any infection can be handled quickly.

Waiting is the HARDEST part in all this. Keep yourself occupied with something enjoyable to get you through the next few days until you see your doctor. As far as WHOM to see--whomever can see you soonest! Each of your doctors will be in communication with the others.

Stay positive, one step at a time.

Best-
Anita

Ambra we all understand the fears when something reminds us of recurrence. Don't beat yourself up over that. On the other hand don't allow yourself to self diagnose. Dangerous territory to walk down. Make your appointment as soon as possible for sanity but focus on your recovery. That is where the energy needs to go. Not worry - again we have all been there.

Hey Ambra,

Definitely contact the doctors office. We're not doctors but I'd be surprised if it was sinister based on finishing treatment just last week and your docs doing a thorough exam. It's one of two things in my thinking. It is what you think it is as in a zit/ingrown hair. You were using a lot of creams for the neck burn and quite possibly you have a clogged pore or the like. OR... since you had a neck dissection and removal of lymph nodes (I looked back at some of your OP's), this could be the beginning of lymphedema, or "turkey neck" as we H&N'ers call it. I have a golf ball sized lump under my chin that's sometimes painful and causes pressure. It will eventually ease as my body finds new channels for the lymph fluid to go.

At any rate, try to distract yourself until you can call tomorrow. Also send an email or use mychart.com that JH has. I rarely wait more than 24 hours for responses.

Positive thoughts and prayers

"T"

I much appreciate all the replies here, and trying very hard to think it is just a zit, it had to be that... I will call my RO's nurse tomorrow and go from there,to find a doctor to look at it.
Thank you all so much!

Hi Ambra:

I haven't said hi in awhile ... so "hi".

I think it's good you are going to get it checked out. Hopefully it will give you one less thing to worry about.

Has anybody told you that you worry a lot; it's very evident in your writing. I know Bart has said to stop worrying so much. But, it just seems to stick with you. It's like you never get any peace because there is always something new and your chosen reaction to it is to worry that it is always bad instead of relaxing and give it a chance to be benign or good.

Of course if the acne/zit doesn't go away in 2 weeks then of course you need to ask your doctor. But, did you give it two weeks. I apologize for not remembering when it started, but I don't think it was as long ago as two weeks.

Please don't think I'm trying to be hard on you, that's the last thing I want to do. But you just worry so much, and that isn't good.

We had our dance club Christmas party last night, had a great time dancing, but all the food tasted BAD, even the dessert.

Take care Ambra .. stop worrying so much

Tony (9 zaps to go)

Hi Tony,

"Hi" to you as well. And am glad to hear you had fun dancing. Too bad about the dessert, but you will be able to taste dessert again very soon.

Yes, I am very aware that I worry too much in general. Such is my personality, I have always been like that. I know that is not good, and I have been trying to change that for a while, but some changes are difficult to accomplish.

Now, with this terrible disease, unfortunately, finding any lump and bump, especially in the general area where cancer was, is always going to be a source of great distress and worry for me. I am sure pretty sure anyone here can relate to that. I can and will continue to try to worry less, but sometimes it is impossible.

I do not seek things to worry about on purpose, they just happen. Trust me, I would much rather focus on something nice, it is just that there hasn't been anything very nice in my life for a very long time, years actually. The last four or so years have been a string of bad events, culminating with this diagnosis. I am possibly nearing the limit of just how much I can take. So I am worrying even more.

Anyway, I do not think you are trying to be hard on me, no worries. I actually appreciate your concern. It is just how I am, and stopping to worry, especially in this situation, is simply not possible right now.

Ambra, you won't feel better until it's checked in any event, so get it checked. I had the same issue with a small bump on my tongue, which sent in me into a panic, and off I went to the doc. Turns out I had just burnt my tongue on some hot soup. I felt like a twit, but my doctor told me to never feel stupid about following up.

[quote=Ambra]

Now, with this terrible disease, unfortunately, finding any lump and bump, especially in the general area where cancer was, is always going to be a source of great distress and worry for me. I am sure pretty sure anyone here can relate to that. I can and will continue to try to worry less, but sometimes it is impossible. [/quote]

I can definitely relate Ambra, since I too am in the process of having a "new issue" checked out. Anxiety has stolen far more hours from humanity than cancer ever will. Get mad about that and refuse to give in to worries that only rob today of calm and sweetness! Take comfort in the fact that you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself.

[quote=Ambra]...there hasn't been anything very nice in my life for a very long time, years actually. The last four or so years have been a string of bad events, culminating with this diagnosis. [/quote]

Oh Ambra, I am sorry that things have been so rough for so long. The least cancer could do for you is to set you free to pursue happiness. What would that be like?

A big AMEN to what mamacita posted! xo

You know, the only thing that bothers me more than people telling me to 'not worry' is suggesting that I 'just relax'. Like that's going to happen :-)

What I have found, however, is being very active about doing something pleasant (such as a good book) or soothing (meditative breathing) does actually help. I think that is also why Christine's advice to keep busy is so helpful.

Thanking about you,
Maria

Thank you all for all the kind words and support, much appreciated.

I have just come back from the dermatologist and thankfully it is indeed just a nasty under skin zit. Breathing huge sigh of relief.

I also wanted to say that I am emotionally not doing well at all, and am on (or maybe already over) the edge of real depression. I am looking for a therapist and hope that I can find one soon. I might not be much around here for a while depending on my condition and how I manage to deal with it.

Thanks again for everything!

What you are feeling is completely normal. You are making the right choice to seek help. MANY of us have, whether patient or caregiver.
Good luck and good news from the doc.
Kathy

Ambra - that is good news from the dermatologist. Depression can get better. You just need to find somebody qualified treat you and make the best recommendations, especially where meds are concerned. Most of us do get depressed. And you cannot expect a quick fix. . . . coming out of depression is a very gradual thing. My son was with a therapist and also on meds for depression. Everyone is individual as to reactions so it's best to keep in touch with your doctor about how you are feeling. Maybe the dermatologist can recommend someone? I used to ask my son how he was feeling on a scale of 1 - 10. If he said a 3, then I would ask if he could work on getting to a 5 and later if he only made it to a 4, that was progress and something to feel good about. So do seek help. You will be glad you did. In the meantime, take some deep breaths, keep moving, keep busy. And come back and let us know how you are doing.

Hi, Ambra
I was hoping to hear good news from you, and now I have. I think that finding a therapist is going to do you a world of good. In the meantime, please try to get a little physical activity as that will help with your endorphin levels.

This website is tremendously helpful but it is intense at times. Take all the time you need off - we will be pulling for you and hoping for an update when the spirit moves you!
Maria

Yeah!!! On the zit... Am ra... Good for. You for recognizing an potential issue and dealing with it. Don't let cancer do this to you... It's great at stealing joy. Hugs.

Ambra, please do stay around here. In spite of our circumstances there is much that is positive. Folks on this forum have lots to offer, and you just can't think of everything yourself. (Sort of like having a good co-writer on a paper.)

With two teenage boys I never thought I'd be celebrating zits and acne! That's great news.

Ambra, I can never believe anybody gets through this situation without depression and post-trauma anxiety. My brother's whole family (wife and kids 5 to 15) is dealing in each of their own ways with the stress and anxiety of having gone through this. One of the kids called him 11 times at work the other day, so worried about him she is whenever he is out of her sight. I also feel I've forgotten how to have fun. So good girl you for seeking help - and remember we're here if you need us.

You'll be fine. XX

Ambra--So glad it turned out to be a zit....and so great you did get it checked out. Everyone is so right; the depression is a normal response to the emotional trauma. I have been thinking about you and hoping you will soon begin to feel better physically and emotionally.

Best,
Mary

Hi all,

Just wanted to pop back quickly and say hi to everyone and thank you for all the kindness and support. Also to wish everyone belated happy holidays!

I would also like to thank everyone for the kind PMs you have been sending, and I promise to try to answer them latest this weekend.

Overall, I am medium. Physically things are improving, though I am still very very tired. I had my first post treatment checkup this Monday (4 weeks post rads) and everything looked fine according to my surgeon.

Emotionally, well, it is rough. I have just come back from my normal doctor, and we have both agreed that what I seem to suffer from is lots and lots of anxiety and not depression. There is a baseline of anxiety which is something I can deal with most of the times. But then there are spikes, such as this lump here from this thread, then there was spending Christmas alone, more recently some strange blisters on my tongue that turned out to be nothing, than this checkup... I got some anti anxiety meds for these episodes, and I am looking for a therapist, but still no luck. And the anxiety/stress is making me not being able to eat, and I have already lost some weight which is not good.

Unfortunately being on this site seems to fuel my anxiety even more, because as soon as I read somebody's thread about something bad, my brain immediately goes to "what if" that happens to me. I feel very guilty about it, and I wish to comment to other people's threads and help others; but right now it is better for me to stay away till I get a better control of the whole anxiety thing and not freak out about everything. I hope you will forgive me for staying away for a while. Maybe once I find a therapist and/or a local support group I will be able to deal with it better.

As for the sources of anxiety that I believe I was asked in a PM, there are plenty. Other than the expected cancer/recurrence fears, there is dealing with waiting for a biopsy of a thyroid tumor I have that is in 4 weeks (which lit up like Christmas tree on a PET scan), then dealing with a big financial mess the disease got me into, and worries about how capable I will be to perform at work once I am back and look for a new job in a year or so as my position is temporary. And finally, I am extremely, painfully lonely, and very anxious about staying single and childless for the rest of my life because of the whole HPV thing.

I think we all certainly understand the anxiety being on the forums can cause. Take some time off, but update us as you feel you can. You won't be forgotten!!
Kathy

Hi Ambra:
It's good to see you back with us. Just in the last day or two several members have been discussing this what HPV positive status does to our relationship future question.

As you have likely realized, it has changed your future. Of course we are not unlimited in our options as we were before diagnosis. I too initially thought my future was rather bleak, but once I googled std dating sites I found there are many like us. Just think how many you've seen here on the forum that are HPV positive. There are way more than that out in the general population, and if my info is correct, the number is growing rapidly.

Look up STDmingle and PositiveSingles, both them are .com. I'm sure there are many other sites also. Now, if this is going to stress you out maybe you need to wait until the anti-anxiety meds start working. I created a profile but decided to wait until treatment was over and life started returning to normal to pursue it further. Imagine this, I ask someone out to dinner, but have to drink Ensure because I still have mucositis or throat burns making eating solid foods impossible. That would likely be our one and only date.

I am positive about what I've seen; just within 100 miles of my hometown I have found several I would at least be interested in talking too.

It would be so much easier if we had no restrictions on our future, but I just couldn't play dumb about it and then possibly infect someone. I've read that knowingly infecting another with an STD is a felony, and since we have been documented as HPV positive that would be a slam dunk conviction in the legal system. This is unfortunately just one more something we will have to learn how to deal with. We've already learned how to deal with a whole host of new things, dating is just one more to add to the list.

I'm positive about my dating future, I hope you can get there too. I even expect to find someone who enjoys dancing.

Welcome back Ambra

Tony

Hey Ambra! Not a day has gone by when I have not thought of you. I can relate to a few of the things you are going through. it's not been an easy recovery road for me either, physically and lately emotionally. There's an old PM from me, but noooo pressure to write back. But hopefully we not lose touch for too long of a time. Also I'm sure everyone agrees not to feel guilty about supporting people here on the forum right now. There is a season for everything, it's not your season, yours will come at another time. Take care of yourself. xo