| | Joined: May 2012 Posts: 11 Member | OP  Member
Joined: May 2012 Posts: 11 | Monday June 24, 2013 marked 1 year that my dad lost his battle against the cancer. Every day for the past 12 months I have become more and more angry. I am so happy for those who have been able to beat this ugly disease but why couldnt my dad? I have so many unanswered questions. I miss him every day! I just do not know what to do anymore. | | | | | Joined: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,291 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,291 Likes: 1 | Hi Amy,
I am certain it is hard each day, thinking about not having your day around but you can not change that now. The way I look at such things that get me down and make me feel bad for a minute or a day is the time I felt bad was living life less fully and less happily than if I had not been feeling sad or bad.
You are one year down the road and admittedly know this past year has been filled with more angry days than happy days. This is something you CAN change so the next year anniversary you can say this last year was so much better than the first.
There are many things one can try but my words of advise is it has to come from deep within and catch yourself in each moment when that anger comes over you and find and use the techniques that take you away from those feelings.
I know, so much easier said than done, but it can and does work. best to you. don
Don Male, 57 - Great health except C Dec '12 DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes 1 tooth out Jan '13 2nd tooth out Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT 4-6/2013 CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150 ended 5/29,6/4 All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com | | | | | Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 1 | Sorry for your loss, and know how you feel still. I have lost three brothers at young ages, one while I was recovering from my own treatment, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them. It takes time to and how long, is different for anyone. There are phases one has to go, each taking its own amount of time, to finally accept this loss. These are shock, sympathy, blame, anger, depression and finally acceptance. Maybe seek bereavement counseling, a friend or support group to help you.
10/09 T1N2bM0 Tonsil
11/09 Taxo Cisp 5-FU, 6 Months Hosp
01/11 35 IMRT 70Gy 7 Wks
06/11 30 HBO
08/11 RND PNI
06/12 SND PNI LVI
08/12 RND Pec Flap IORT 12 Gy
10/12 25 IMRT 50Gy 6 Wks Taxo Erbitux
10/13 SND
10/13 TBO/Angiograph
10/13 RND Carotid Remove IORT 10Gy PNI
12/13 25 Protons 50Gy 6 Wks Carbo
11/14 All Teeth Extract 30 HBO
03/15 Sequestromy Buccal Flap ORN
09/16 Mandibulectomy Fib Flap Sternotomy
04/17 Regraft hypergranulation Donor Site
06/17 Heart Attack Stent
02/19 Finally Cancer Free Took 10 yrs
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Amy, Im very sorry for your loss. Its never easy losing someone we love, especially a parent or child. Time will help you to adjust to being without your father. It wont be easy, but it does get a little easier to handle with time.
You have every right to be upset and angry. You have been cheated out of having your father. Oral cancer is a terrible disease with awful survival statistics. Thats why activism, early detection thru oral cancer screenings and vaccinating with the Guardisil shot are all so important. Thru all that education it will help get those affected diagnosed earlier so they have a better chance at beating it.
Another thing to help may be a grief counselor to help you to cope with your loss. Ive heard wonderful things from several people who have used them.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | Cancer steals more than anyone realizes. If I were you I would seek out a professional who's had cancer grief experience and talk to them. I'm sure your Dad would tell you that what you are feeling is not doing you any good and it won't change what happen and you have the rest of your life to live, etc, etc. Please do yourself and all those you love a favor and get some words of wisdom from a professional.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: May 2012 Posts: 11 Member | | OP Member
Joined: May 2012 Posts: 11 | Thank you everyone for your replies. I have been thinking about talking to a counselor about this and I know that my dad would not want me to be sad or angry. I just miss him so much and it is hard to be without him. Thank you again everyone. | | | | | Joined: Dec 2010 Posts: 5,260 Likes: 3 "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Dec 2010 Posts: 5,260 Likes: 3 | I'm still pissed about how my father passed as well. I totally know the feeling. My dad's death was totally unnecessary (it wasn't cancer related a stroke and negligence of the facilities he was being cared for in- I do take some comfort in two things - my dad as so debilitated by the time he passed that he wanted to go - this I know - and secondly I spent a great amount of time with him the last months of his life and as hard as it was to watch him suffer I am so glad we had that time and I know that what I did for him at the time was all I could do so my regrets in this matter are minimal. See someone it will help to talk it out. Hugs
Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 493 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 493 | Amylynn, I totally get what you are saying. My mom died of ovarian cancer in 1981, and even after all this time, I miss her everyday. She never got to see my kids graduate or get married, and become successful people in their own right. She was only 61 and I think of her a lot, especially when I was going through all of my treatments. Hugs!
Female, nonsmoker, 70, diag. 5/09 after tongue biopsy: stage IV. Left hemi-gloss. and left selec. neck disec. 30 lymph nodes removed May 20. Over 7 weeks daily rads. with three chemo. PEG removed 12/4/09 Am eating mostly soft foods. Back to work 11/09 Retired 4/1/11. 7 clear scans! Port out 9/11. 2/13. It's back: base of tongue, very invasive
surgery involving lifestyle changes. 2/14: Now speaking w/Passey-Muir valve. Considering a swallow study. Grateful to be alive.
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2010 Posts: 5,260 Likes: 3 "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Dec 2010 Posts: 5,260 Likes: 3 | God me too zengalib. My mom died at 59 - this was 11 yrs ago. I still miss her. 
Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan
| | |
| Forums23 Topics18,168 Posts196,927 Members13,104 | | Most Online458
Jan 16th, 2020 | | |
|
