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#167206 06-28-2013 11:01 AM
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amylynn Offline OP
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Monday June 24, 2013 marked 1 year that my dad lost his battle against the cancer. Every day for the past 12 months I have become more and more angry. I am so happy for those who have been able to beat this ugly disease but why couldnt my dad? I have so many unanswered questions. I miss him every day! I just do not know what to do anymore.

amylynn #167208 06-28-2013 11:10 AM
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Hi Amy,

I am certain it is hard each day, thinking about not having your day around but you can not change that now. The way I look at such things that get me down and make me feel bad for a minute or a day is the time I felt bad was living life less fully and less happily than if I had not been feeling sad or bad.

You are one year down the road and admittedly know this past year has been filled with more angry days than happy days. This is something you CAN change so the next year anniversary you can say this last year was so much better than the first.

There are many things one can try but my words of advise is it has to come from deep within and catch yourself in each moment when that anger comes over you and find and use the techniques that take you away from those feelings.

I know, so much easier said than done, but it can and does work. best to you. don


Don
Male, 57 - Great health except C
Dec '12
DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes
1 tooth out
Jan '13
2nd tooth out
Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT
4-6/2013
CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150
ended 5/29,6/4
All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com
amylynn #167211 06-28-2013 01:33 PM
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Sorry for your loss, and know how you feel still. I have lost three brothers at young ages, one while I was recovering from my own treatment, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them. It takes time to and how long, is different for anyone. There are phases one has to go, each taking its own amount of time, to finally accept this loss. These are shock, sympathy, blame, anger, depression and finally acceptance. Maybe seek bereavement counseling, a friend or support group to help you.


10/09 T1N2bM0 Tonsil
11/09 Taxo Cisp 5-FU, 6 Months Hosp
01/11 35 IMRT 70Gy 7 Wks
06/11 30 HBO
08/11 RND PNI
06/12 SND PNI LVI
08/12 RND Pec Flap IORT 12 Gy
10/12 25 IMRT 50Gy 6 Wks Taxo Erbitux
10/13 SND
10/13 TBO/Angiograph
10/13 RND Carotid Remove IORT 10Gy PNI
12/13 25 Protons 50Gy 6 Wks Carbo
11/14 All Teeth Extract 30 HBO
03/15 Sequestromy Buccal Flap ORN
09/16 Mandibulectomy Fib Flap Sternotomy
04/17 Regraft hypergranulation Donor Site
06/17 Heart Attack Stent
02/19 Finally Cancer Free Took 10 yrs






amylynn #167215 06-28-2013 03:30 PM
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Amy, Im very sorry for your loss. Its never easy losing someone we love, especially a parent or child. Time will help you to adjust to being without your father. It wont be easy, but it does get a little easier to handle with time.

You have every right to be upset and angry. You have been cheated out of having your father. Oral cancer is a terrible disease with awful survival statistics. Thats why activism, early detection thru oral cancer screenings and vaccinating with the Guardisil shot are all so important. Thru all that education it will help get those affected diagnosed earlier so they have a better chance at beating it.

Another thing to help may be a grief counselor to help you to cope with your loss. Ive heard wonderful things from several people who have used them.


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
amylynn #167236 06-29-2013 06:17 AM
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Cancer steals more than anyone realizes. If I were you I would seek out a professional who's had cancer grief experience and talk to them. I'm sure your Dad would tell you that what you are feeling is not doing you any good and it won't change what happen and you have the rest of your life to live, etc, etc. Please do yourself and all those you love a favor and get some words of wisdom from a professional.


David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
amylynn #167343 07-02-2013 08:08 AM
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amylynn Offline OP
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Thank you everyone for your replies. I have been thinking about talking to a counselor about this and I know that my dad would not want me to be sad or angry. I just miss him so much and it is hard to be without him. Thank you again everyone.

amylynn #168275 07-22-2013 06:39 AM
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I'm still pissed about how my father passed as well. I totally know the feeling. My dad's death was totally unnecessary (it wasn't cancer related a stroke and negligence of the facilities he was being cared for in- I do take some comfort in two things - my dad as so debilitated by the time he passed that he wanted to go - this I know - and secondly I spent a great amount of time with him the last months of his life and as hard as it was to watch him suffer I am so glad we had that time and I know that what I did for him at the time was all I could do so my regrets in this matter are minimal. See someone it will help to talk it out. Hugs


Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan
amylynn #168281 07-22-2013 07:04 AM
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Amylynn, I totally get what you are saying. My mom died of ovarian cancer in 1981, and even after all this time, I miss her everyday. She never got to see my kids graduate or get married, and become successful people in their own right. She was only 61 and I think of her a lot, especially when I was going through all of my treatments. Hugs!


Female, nonsmoker, 70, diag. 5/09 after tongue biopsy: stage IV. Left hemi-gloss. and left selec. neck disec. 30 lymph nodes removed May 20. Over 7 weeks daily rads. with three chemo. PEG removed 12/4/09 Am eating mostly soft foods. Back to work 11/09 Retired 4/1/11. 7 clear scans! Port out 9/11. 2/13. It's back: base of tongue, very invasive
surgery involving lifestyle changes. 2/14: Now speaking w/Passey-Muir valve. Considering a swallow study. Grateful to be alive.
amylynn #168298 07-23-2013 12:35 AM
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God me too zengalib. My mom died at 59 - this was 11 yrs ago. I still miss her. frown


Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan

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