my taste buds are totally shot!

Everything tastes like dog crap...my mouth is so gross...it's like the worst morning breath on earth 24/7.

I am constantly spitting...

I find myself laying in bed all day. I'm totally and completely EXHAUSTED!!

I can barely lift my head to watch TV.

Seth is keeping me hydrated with the PEG tube, and gives me a few cans of Osmolite (like Ensure) a day.

The worst part is my emotion. I am scared to death of dying. Now that I finished treatment all I can think is that I will have a recurrance in 11 months, 18 months or even 3 years. I feel like, at best, I bought myself a few years, and that hardly no one makes it to even 10 years (i'd be 46 in 10 years)...

How does everyone cope?

Michael | 53 | SCC | Right Tonsil | Dx'd: 06-10-05 | STAGE IV, T3N2bM0 | 3 Nodes R Side | MRND & Tonsillectomy 06/29/05 Dr Fee/Stanford | 8 wks Rad/Chemo startd August 15th @ MSKCC, NY | Tx Ended: 09-27-05 | Cancer free at 16+ Yrs | After-Effects of Tx: Thyroid function is 0, ok salivary function, tinnitus, some scars, neck/face asymmetry, gastric reflux. 2017 dysphagia, L Carotid stent / 2019, R Carotid occluded not eligible for stent.2022 dental issues, possible ORN, memory/recall challenges.