Oh Ed,
Better isn't in the vocabulary at the moment. He is at his worst yet. He has dropped almost 15 pounds in the last week and a half alone.

He is on morphine now and that just complicates things. He is pretty much helpless right now.

When we finally got home today I sat down to feed him and he looked at me and said "I am not a freak show". It took me a while to understand what he meant. He wanted me to know that under no circumstances was I too let anyone see him.

I can only guess what is going through his head. I have to walk behind him now and even go to the bathroom with him because he is so groggy from the drugs that he will fall asleep and fall down. That is certainly one more complication we don't need.

The burns are getting worse and I have not been able to treat them because he won't let me. I have to fight with him just to get him to sit up a little so I can feed him. He begged me not to give him the food tonight but I had to be stern with him.

It didn't help that I went to 20 pharmacies trying to get his morphine prescription filled. I finally found a way to get some but it was not without jumping through hoops.

I dream of the day when this is passed. I don't know if I will every really look back and find anything to laugh about but I would at least like to make it to the look back stage.

Only 2 rads left. Tomorrow and Monday. Monday starts chemo #3. Then we are one chemo away from completing the treatments all together. I will keep hoping and you can keep praying. Maybe we will strike gold.

Cindy