Dear Barb - You've already done something really good by coming to this site. One of the worst times for a cancer survivor and for the person close to him is when you first get the diagnosis and the time when you can start fighting it. There is a wealth of information on this site and lots of helpful, caring people that will help. You can start by using the "search" function on the main page or at the top of this one. Do you know the stage of cancer and type of surgery? It is also important to be at a cancer center that has a team approach to the treatment. When my son was diagnosed with his tongue cancer, he was in a tremendous amount of pain, too - and this as well as the shock of the diagnosis can certainly affect a person's disposition. Did the doctor prescribe any medication for his pain? You need to think about yourself, too. Take deep breaths, and know that you can get thru this - a day at a time and sometimes more like 5 minutes at a time. If the anxious moments get really bad, perhaps your doctor can give you something. The more you can find out about what his treatment plan is, and what you both can do to fight the cancer beast, the better you both will feel. Being a caregiver is certainly no pic-nic. Sometimes it is really hard to know what to say or do for the person that means so much to you - but hang in there. Things will get better!