Sharlee, your long post brings my memory back to where I was 5 years ago.Like you, I am married and I can tell you that without my husband's support, I would not have been alive. When I was diagnosed, I gave a clear message to my husband and my 2 sons ( 13 and 17 at that time) that we would fight the battle together and I would try to keep their life as usual.I didn't want them to get worried about me and didn't want to upset their daily routine. So I went to the hospital for treatment alone and even when my husband offered help, I refused because he had too much to take care of already. He didn't talk much about my illness or look for information about my cancer, either.He couldn't even tell others exactly the type of cancer I had. I didn't feel frustrated about it because he isn't a professional and I had doctors to count on. Men are different from women and very often they hide their feelings and they may not know how to react when something traumatic happens. My husband did suppress his emotions a lot when I was in a critical situation.He appeared as his wife was just suffering from a severe cold and looked very calm. I only learnt it later from my maid that he shed his tears several times at home when I was in hospital.
You should have faith in your husband since you have been together for so many years. He may be under great stress now and really doesn't know what to do to help you. Try to open your mind and tell your husband how you want him to help you. My ways of coping with the battle may not sound right to you as we have different personality. Hope others who go through similar situation may give you more insight.

Karen