support - 03-07-2007 04:03 AM
Hi all
well I am 3 weeks (almost 4) out of surgery and as you can see by the time Having difficulty sleeping. I am still waiting to get more info and make my decison on radiation ..which you all know is not an wasy one, becasue I was only a stage I it is an up in the air thing ( for lack of a better way to say it ) I am going to Dana farber next wens for a sec opinion. I am havin a really hard time with this and I know alot of you have answered questions on another post about my decison.I guess i am here tonight or should i say this am (almost3am) because while I have a husband I love very much I am frustrated with him and feel he isnt there emotionally for me. Dont get me wrong he has been good as far as going to all my appts driving me where I want to go ,helping with our 5 kids ( well if u consider letting them do whatever and just telling them to let me sleep helping lol) not expecting me to cook or clean a whole lot. But when he does go he dosent ask questions and dosent really talk to me about it. he dose listen to me but offers really no answers or opinions. He never has been one to communicate his feelings and I am sure he is going through alot right now too , but letting me know that would help me rather than make me feel like this is no big deal.IT IS TO ME !!!!! MY life has forever been changed our life. SO today I sent him an email feeling as though it wasnt as confrontational. told him my thoughts and fear and told him I was reaching out for him and that i know that some of my fears my seem crazy but they are real to me and I need to know how he feels and what he thinks about things ex radiation. I used the reference to him that when your sno machine is broke you get right on line to your forum to find out what is wrong and how to fix it ...now your wife is broke ( as an analogy) have you tried looking online to find info? He hasnt. I asked him to write back to me as it may be easier. so when he picked me up from my meeting i asked him if he read it he said yes but didnt have time to respond cuz he had to pick me up. so we came home i cooked dinner , he was on computer . Before he went to bed I asked him if he responded, he said he didnt have time , yet he was on for over an hour looking at snow machine stuff, celebrit y gossip and also on the phone makin his plans to go on a "ride" tomorrow night which he asked me if I had minded cus of being here alone dealing with kids , i know he needs the time away so i said yes. BUT I am SOOOOO HURT right now and feel like I am doing this alone. I left him a note to wake up too that said that...You had time for your snow machine your freinds and nonsense ,but not for me after I poured my heart out and TOLD HIM STRAIGHT OUT that I need him and was callin out for help, and that if any time in our 16 years together I need him emotionally it was now. I just dont know how to do this I have been sooooo good and tried so hard not get DOWN about this and I try not to cry ( never in front of him or kids ..only day i was diag) But to feel alone in this is so hard, like what if i do need radaition I need him them , I need to know he is going to be OK and be there and not just let my home fall apart and kids do what they want and to be there on the days I am telling hi I cant do it anymore . HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO HIM ? and is it normal ? I see so many spouses and parent and sig others on here supporting each other .PLEASEEEEEE i am asking for how to do this....I know I wouldnt be able to without the help of all of you here ( my family and friends are wonderful too , but I need my husband)
well I am 3 weeks (almost 4) out of surgery and as you can see by the time Having difficulty sleeping. I am still waiting to get more info and make my decison on radiation ..which you all know is not an wasy one, becasue I was only a stage I it is an up in the air thing ( for lack of a better way to say it ) I am going to Dana farber next wens for a sec opinion. I am havin a really hard time with this and I know alot of you have answered questions on another post about my decison.I guess i am here tonight or should i say this am (almost3am) because while I have a husband I love very much I am frustrated with him and feel he isnt there emotionally for me. Dont get me wrong he has been good as far as going to all my appts driving me where I want to go ,helping with our 5 kids ( well if u consider letting them do whatever and just telling them to let me sleep helping lol) not expecting me to cook or clean a whole lot. But when he does go he dosent ask questions and dosent really talk to me about it. he dose listen to me but offers really no answers or opinions. He never has been one to communicate his feelings and I am sure he is going through alot right now too , but letting me know that would help me rather than make me feel like this is no big deal.IT IS TO ME !!!!! MY life has forever been changed our life. SO today I sent him an email feeling as though it wasnt as confrontational. told him my thoughts and fear and told him I was reaching out for him and that i know that some of my fears my seem crazy but they are real to me and I need to know how he feels and what he thinks about things ex radiation. I used the reference to him that when your sno machine is broke you get right on line to your forum to find out what is wrong and how to fix it ...now your wife is broke ( as an analogy) have you tried looking online to find info? He hasnt. I asked him to write back to me as it may be easier. so when he picked me up from my meeting i asked him if he read it he said yes but didnt have time to respond cuz he had to pick me up. so we came home i cooked dinner , he was on computer . Before he went to bed I asked him if he responded, he said he didnt have time , yet he was on for over an hour looking at snow machine stuff, celebrit y gossip and also on the phone makin his plans to go on a "ride" tomorrow night which he asked me if I had minded cus of being here alone dealing with kids , i know he needs the time away so i said yes. BUT I am SOOOOO HURT right now and feel like I am doing this alone. I left him a note to wake up too that said that...You had time for your snow machine your freinds and nonsense ,but not for me after I poured my heart out and TOLD HIM STRAIGHT OUT that I need him and was callin out for help, and that if any time in our 16 years together I need him emotionally it was now. I just dont know how to do this I have been sooooo good and tried so hard not get DOWN about this and I try not to cry ( never in front of him or kids ..only day i was diag) But to feel alone in this is so hard, like what if i do need radaition I need him them , I need to know he is going to be OK and be there and not just let my home fall apart and kids do what they want and to be there on the days I am telling hi I cant do it anymore . HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO HIM ? and is it normal ? I see so many spouses and parent and sig others on here supporting each other .PLEASEEEEEE i am asking for how to do this....I know I wouldnt be able to without the help of all of you here ( my family and friends are wonderful too , but I need my husband)