Eve,

Your dad should be getting good enough pain meds that he isn't "in terrible pain". If whatever they are giving him isn't doing the trick anymore, someone may need to advocate for him to get a higher dose or get something different. I was severly uncomfortable from all the phlegm and nausea and fatigue during the last few weeks of treatment and the first few weeks after treatment but I was never "in terrible pain" except when I managed to sleep for long enough that the pain meds had worn off all the way-- in which case I would wake up in agony.

That's the other thing, even if he complains, if he is taking pain meds that need to be taken every four hours or something, he should be sure to take them exactly that often, even if he isn't in that much pain at the time, because it's harder to control the pain once the medication has worn all the way off.

Some people try to be very stoic about pain and the only way you know it's bad is that they are extremely irrtable, your Dad may be one of these. See if you or the medical oncologist can really talk to him about how bad the pain is.

As for the food, I had quite a problem with that too the last few weeks. I was so nauseated all the time and the pain meds don't help here since they kill your appetite and constipate you. Another thing someone needs to be talking to him about. To be blunt, are you or is someone keeping track of his bowel movements? Espeically if he's using Ensure through the tube, which doesn't have much fiber, he should be taking a laxative and a stool softener every single day. Constipation alone could be *causing* the nausea and pain and the feeling he doesn't want to eat or drink anymore.

I feel badly for your mom--that he is taking out his unhappiness and pain on her. But she needs to understand that he's just going through real hell right now and try not to take it too personally--and keep trying to take care of him, get him pain relief, get some fiber down him and get him to eat and get fluids. Hopefully she can also find some support people for when it gets to be too much for her so she can get a little rest.

And it will get better soon! Even if that seems hard to believe right now.

Nelie