I'm not sure whether I'm writing this to vent or ask for help; probably a little of both. My Dad was diagnosed with SCC of the tongue in November (which had metastasized to the R lymph node) and is now going through the horrid treatment with which you all are so familiar. He's got great doctors and care, and he's so close to the end -- 7 more days of radiation and one more dose of chemo this coming Tuesday.

Of course he's in terrible pain and is really declining. What is most difficult to see is to watch how withdrawn he's becoming -- and recalcitrant. He is not eating AT ALL, refusing to swallow b/c it hurts too much. He hasn't been using his PEG, either, though before the last chemo treatment they had to hydrate him for hours before they would give him just half the dose. He is so withdrawn into his pain and suffering that he sits/naps all day and night, and generally snaps at my Mom when she tries to help. She is worried and so pressures him to get Ensure through the tube and tries to coax him to swallow something, anything. But he then takes his anger and frustration out on her. How can we reach him? Is he to be reached? Are our worries/anxieties fears our own that we just need to keep to ourselves?

So I guess my vent is: why should he suffer so much?
And my questions are: is this "normal"? Is there anything we can do to help him without become yet another source of stress to him?

thanks!
eve