Hi R,
I think you will still run into the HIPPA privacy regulations. The only way around that is to have him sign an advance directive as suggested that names you as his medical representative OR have him write a note that gives you permission to discuss his medical condition with the health professionals.

Pretty much you have to ask for information on staging and prognosis but they sould be discussing test results on the next visit. It's possible that the doctors are picking up on your finance's reluctance to bring these subjects up. Everyone watches the patient to try to get a "feel" for what they want to know. If he's waiting for them to bring it up, and they're waiting for him it's a situation ripe for miscommunication.

Perhaps you could talk to him and agree on who who will be the person asking questions during or after appointments. I used to write the questions out in advance and go over them with Jack. Both of us had copies of the questions so that if one of us forgot it or just got overwhelmed that appointment, the other could stil get the information we wanted to know.

We found we needed to work as a team but in the beginning I wanted a lot more information than Jack did. He was in such shock that he didn't want to hear any more than the immediate next step. He didn't want to discuss radiation until he was through the surgeries etc. That phase passed but it was pretty tense until we started being honest with each other on what we both needed to get through this.

I guess my best advice is that you need to talk to each other so that you're in agreement before you talk to the doctors. He is being treated in an excellent facility for what's it worth. They are leaders in treating head and neck cancers.

Good luck, JoAnne