Christopher, I don't think that there is one answer to this issue. I had NO time to think about my surgery. We got a call on the way to my first visit with the doctor that there was a cancellation for the next morning. We didn't know what else to do so we took it. I have been critical of my doctor's secretary for thinking more of his schedule than of my needs, but perhaps she did us a big favor. While I was not prepared in the least, I did not have time to worry about the surgery, exc. for the sleepless night before the surgery.
I would like to have had more time to adjust, and to make some arrangements, but I made lots of cell phone calls on the highway and I had lots of help at home later.
Your being away from your fiancee' might make a difference now in your approach. I can see that you want to spend time with her before you begin to need her care. You just have to follow your heart, but I sense that a few days at home would be a good thing. It might do your relationship a lot of good for her to know that you CHOOSE to be with her at this time, and that you realize that you will depend on her a lot after the surgery and that you might not be the very best company for a while.
This is a major pothole along your life's highway, and if she is your life-traveler, then she needs to be included and TRUSTED. You can't protect her from the difficulties that are ahead. That is too much pressure on you, and it tells her that you don't trust the strength of the relationship to withstand the difficulties ahead.
Bring her up to speed with your feelings, and let her participate with you FULLY. You can't walk such a fine line, trying to keep part of yourself bottled up.
On the other hand, ....Yes, we all do the best we can to be strong and not give in to our weakest moments. My advice....have a good talk, include her in ALL your feelings, take a few days if she is available and go to the store and get some things to have on hand, and set up your favorite chair, and get ready for your recovery.
Jerry is sure the right person to be giving you advice. He seems to have had very much the same situation as you have, and he is knowledgeable and generous. He can tell you how to prepare and what your recovery will be like.
I am betting that if you stop trying to protect your fiancee', your relationship will become even stronger.
(What I tell my family is that I don't give lots of advice unless you ask, but if you ask, I WILL offer some. You asked, so here it is. Take it or leave it. Good Luck!)
