Since my diagnosis I have truly been on what could only be described as an emotional rollercoaster.

There are days I have where I am just fine and dandy, optimistic and ready to fight this thing head on. There are days when I am just full of self-pity (these thankfully are very few and I always manage to check myself before it really takes hold!. The worst is obviously when I have a bad week at work. Unfortunately being a truck driver when this happens - for example yesterday!! I ran the whole gamut of emotions from wanting to quit the job there and then whereby I would lose my insurance (that is still hard for me to take as I am from England originally where I wouldnt have run the risk of being bankrupted just for getting sick - that is something I will NEVER get used to!) to getting very angry at everyone and everything, which worries and upsets my fiancee, which is something I very much DO NOT want to do, as she had to nurse her mother through cancer to she eventually passed away.

So I guess I am asking a little advice here....even though it will cost me a weeks pay do you think I should return home maybe early?? My surgery isnt due till 7/9 and I dont get home from off the road until 7/7. It is OK out here if things are going smoothly, but this week they have not and I find I am almost completely unable to cope with those extra demands right now. Am I being silly and should I just 'buck up'??

I guess I maybe fooled myself that I was handling this all pretty good....but whenever I have any other kind of distraction it all just seems to ram itself home even more.

Thank you all and take care
Christopher

Chris,


I think it is a personal choice, But I know when I was 1st diag it was overwhelming to say the LEAST !And my employer was good they knew my mind was not where it needed to be for them as I just found out and needed time so they gave me the time ..ANd I needed it ..that was Jan 23 and I had sugery feb 9th . I was lucky and my husband was employed and also the main "bread winner" . You do have a mixed bag of emotions and NO one is ever GONNA BE OK with all of this and different days bring different thoughts. It is good to hear that you mostly have a positive attitude though , that is very important. Maybe taking a week or so off before surgery is what you need to get your head together. Again it is a personal choice. I know for me I needed it. Sounds to me as though we had a similar diag as well. I hope that you can take some time to take this all in and not have to stress about any extra things !


Shar

Hi Christopher, it sounds like you are having completely normal feelings about this. You are doing the right thing by checking yourself to. We have to go through the process which includes an emotional rollercoaster ride. Then we reach down inside and pull out that strength and courage and do the deal. I understand the feelings you have about your finances as well. Some say work and deal with it, and some say not too. For me the bottom line was my health. Physical, mental and spiritual health was far more important than worrying about finances. I think we have to try to find a reasonable and responsible balance. Like Shar said it is your choice. If I felt like I was having trouble I'd pack it in and go see my family. Good Luck

Hi Christopher,

What worked for me may not work for you. I found that keeping busy, helped keep my mind off of the upcoming surgery. I was lucky that I did not have a long period between diagnosis and surgery. I had my surgery on a Wednesday morning and saw patients the night before until 8:30.

This being said, if you find that things are not going well at work, that could be more of a problem than sitting home and having more time to think about your treatment.

Tough decision, but you will be surprised how fast this last week goes. Just be sure to have a caregiver in place for when you get out of the hospital as you will be too tired to take care of yourself.

My offer in your other thread will always be open, so don't hesitate to email me if you would like to talk on the phone. Good luck on the 9th.

Jerry

Christopher, I don't think that there is one answer to this issue. I had NO time to think about my surgery. We got a call on the way to my first visit with the doctor that there was a cancellation for the next morning. We didn't know what else to do so we took it. I have been critical of my doctor's secretary for thinking more of his schedule than of my needs, but perhaps she did us a big favor. While I was not prepared in the least, I did not have time to worry about the surgery, exc. for the sleepless night before the surgery.

I would like to have had more time to adjust, and to make some arrangements, but I made lots of cell phone calls on the highway and I had lots of help at home later.

Your being away from your fiancee' might make a difference now in your approach. I can see that you want to spend time with her before you begin to need her care. You just have to follow your heart, but I sense that a few days at home would be a good thing. It might do your relationship a lot of good for her to know that you CHOOSE to be with her at this time, and that you realize that you will depend on her a lot after the surgery and that you might not be the very best company for a while.

This is a major pothole along your life's highway, and if she is your life-traveler, then she needs to be included and TRUSTED. You can't protect her from the difficulties that are ahead. That is too much pressure on you, and it tells her that you don't trust the strength of the relationship to withstand the difficulties ahead.

Bring her up to speed with your feelings, and let her participate with you FULLY. You can't walk such a fine line, trying to keep part of yourself bottled up.

On the other hand, ....Yes, we all do the best we can to be strong and not give in to our weakest moments. My advice....have a good talk, include her in ALL your feelings, take a few days if she is available and go to the store and get some things to have on hand, and set up your favorite chair, and get ready for your recovery.

Jerry is sure the right person to be giving you advice. He seems to have had very much the same situation as you have, and he is knowledgeable and generous. He can tell you how to prepare and what your recovery will be like.

I am betting that if you stop trying to protect your fiancee', your relationship will become even stronger.

(What I tell my family is that I don't give lots of advice unless you ask, but if you ask, I WILL offer some. You asked, so here it is. Take it or leave it. Good Luck!)

Christopher, I had time between diagnosis and srgery too, and I didn't have the option of staying at work ( I was essential service, and couldn't take pain meds and work)

Probably just as well. I was an emotional basket case the last 10 days. Emotional highs, lows and everything in between. My wife told me that the morning I was admitted to hospital, she thought I was going to jump out of the car into traffic on a couple of occasions during our drive to the hospital. This was pure, raw emotions...fear, sadness, anxiety, disbelief that this could be happening to me.

I am VERY level emotionally. My job demanded that of me for many years. I had a great deal of difficulty with the emotional melt-downs that would reduce me to tears without warning. Me..the tough guy, made of stone..deal with a fatal plane crash and go for lunch right afterwards. Yet that same tough guy breaks down in tears at the sight of his daughter coming over to say hi.

If you're finding the emotions overwhelming, don't ignore them. They won't go away, however you can help yourself a lot more by dealing with that "stuff" as your only priority.

Someone who's opinion I value a great deal told me at the time,
"for the first time in a long time, put YOU first. Everything else is just noise right now"

This IS all about you. It is the toughest battle you have ever fought, and don't make any mistake about that. Use every ounce of enegry you have fighting it.
Wayne

Such good thoughts you've received with the above posts. Ultimately, as Wayne says, this IS about you and it's important to do what you feel is best and most helpful to you. It is OK to have some compassion for yourself (it's not self-pity!). I'm sure your fianc

Thank you all for your kind words. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who know what I am going through and indeed have been in the same position. I have decided that I will stay out right up until Friday and keep as much 'normality' as I can right up until then. My Fiancee is a truly remarkable lady for several reasons...1. To put up with me makes her close to saintlyhood!! and 2. To want to help me through this just 10 years after cancer took her mother is quite incredible, I conider myself a very lucky man to have her.

I guess my greatest fears are that it will come back (although my dr. says that quitting smoking has lessened the chances of that greatly) or that I may have reduced tongue function....in some ways that is my biggest fear I guess, because I like to talk!!!!

Oh, and by the way....I will not just disappear from the forum after everything is done....you all have been very kind and words from both patients, survivors and caregivers have been very helpful, both on threads I have posted and just reading other threads.

Take care all
Christopher

Chris.....I did not have tongue surgery, but many here did, and it seems that most are quite satisfied..and maybe a little surprised....with the level of function they regain after their surgeries. If this is a concern, why not start a new thread with this specific question? I promise that you will get many encouraging responses. That will relieve your mind and keep you from imagining the worst.