After lurking through this site for a couple of weeks I’ve finally decided to accept the fact that I have cancer and that I should join this forum and introduce myself.

I’m a 29 year old woman living in Sweden (so please excuse any misspellings or grammatical errors). A few months ago I noticed a white patch on my tongue and the biopsy results showed it indeed was stage 1 cancer. I’ve already had my first surgery (partial glossectomy) and everyone (doctors) says it went well but I don’t feel well. I feel horrible! I’m scared, confused and although I’m lucky enough to have friends and family that are doing absolutely everything to help me get through this I’ve never felt more alone.

Now I know I should be happy they found it at an early stage but I can’t shake the feeling of “what if”. What if it’s at a later stage than they originally thought? What if they decide to cut away even more of my tongue? What if it has spread? And the biggest “what if” of them all…what if it comes back?

Like I mentioned before, I’ve been lurking through this site for a while now and I don’t know how you all do it. How do you stay so positive through everything that’s happening? I’m keep trying but I just don’t know how anymore. It went well in the beginning but I feel myself getting weaker and weaker mentally and it terrifies me. Every time I talk to my doctors they tell me something new that makes me break down and I’m starting to think I’ll never hear good news from them again. It’s getting to a point I almost don’t even what to talk to any of them before the next surgery (neck dissection+another glossectomy).

Is there anyone out there who’s survived this horrible thing (I don’t even know what to call it. Although, “monster” comes to mind quite often) and is living a “normal” life now after?

Sorry for all the whining. Hopefully my next post will be more positive but right now I’m a dark and whiny place. Hope everyone understands.