After more than a year of experiencing pain on the left side of my tongue (and being told repeatedly that my non-healing ulcer would go away if I just got my teeth filed down), I finally went to an oral surgeon on July 7 and had an excisional biopsy. A week later, the pathology report confirmed that I had squamous cell carcinoma, stage 1. I should be happy, because the oral surgeon said this is "very curable." But all I can think about is going through another surgery (my appointment with the head and neck surgeon is Aug. 10; don't know when the actual procedure will be. I know I need this surgery to prevent the cancer from spreading, but I am terrified of being left with permanent deficits -- maybe never being able to speak or eat normally again. There's no one I can talk to about this. My nearest family members live 500 miles away. I feel like I'm all alone. Somehow I have to get through this ordeal and not lose my job (and insurance!), and I probably can't work if my speech is impaired. And will I someday be able to eat regular food again? How is it possible to enjoy life if you can't eat?

I'm really scared, but I'm also angry. I don't understand how this could happen. I'm a 56-year-old female who has never smoked, never used any tobacco products, never drank alcohol, never used drugs, never been exposed to HPV. I've been a vegetarian for 33 years and I walk every single day, rain or shine. I've done everything the health experts say you're supposed to do. I don't even have a family history of cancer. And yet I got this disease anyway. To be honest, I feel embarrassed and ashamed, as if I'm being punished for something I did wrong. I have so many confusing emotions, and no one to talk to!