Hi Sooner,

i assume your husband is using Ensure/Boost or something like that. Is he on the regular stuff or is he on something with a higher calorie content -- like 500 calories per feeding? It may help with the problem of his not wanting to have his final feed. If he can tolerate the higher calories, maybe that's the way to go.

We were always told to get ahead of the curve when John was taking anti-emetics. The explanation was once the nausea starts, it's very hard to bring it back under control. Will your husband accept that as an explanation? I know some people feel that taking the meds is like an admission of failure, but if he is becoming miserable and sick, he might need to re-think it. My husband hated the post-treatment period because he felt he had been "reduced" as a man by the treatment. It took a lot of convincing to get him to see that heroics had nothing to do with it. It's not a failure to have to take the pain medication/anti-emetics, it's just pain management with the emphasis on management. He might consider starting with the prescribed dose and then slowly reducing the dose and see if it will work for him. Of course, if you are going to do that, make sure you check with the Cancer Center first. As for the constipation, will he at least take a stool softener? Of course, the more hydration there is, the easier it is to keep constipation away.

I understand totally how you are feeling, having been the one and only caregiver for my husband through almost four years. I had to learn to roll with the punches and to take it day by day. If you are feeling really anxious, you might want to look into getting some counseling or even some anti-anxiety medication. I coped by being super-organized. I recorded everything that went into my husband's mouth. I recorded his weight, his pulse, blood pressure, temperature, etc. that way, we never had to argue about "how much." It makes it more a factual issue than an emotional issue, especially with the intake and the hydration.

I hope some of this helps. Do let us know how you are getting on. Hopefully other will pitch it with their ideas as well.