Cindy,
my oncologist (who is the head of the department)tells me that there are 2 basic kinds of patients. 1. "doctors" who want to know EVERYTHING about the disease, statistics, treatment options, outcomes, side effects, etc. - he also stated that they typically fare worse (although I fall into that category and will debate him on that and I am sure that Gail will also) and 2. those who don't want to know ANYTHING and just go along with whatever program is doled out.

More often than not its the caregivers and not the patients who are asking the questions on the forum.

They are not exactly at the age where you have them declared incompetent and take over as their medical advocate. You may be forced to respect their wishes. They probably respect you and your sisters busy lives and don't want to create, what they may think, is unnecessary worry and disruption to your lives.

I agree totally with Sheldons post (ssax) and everyone's responses for that matter. Look for a quiet moment with your mom and offer your help in any way without being pushy or too inquisitive. Don't let emotions into this - that is exactly what they don't want - for you to suffer. You may have to ease into this very carefully.

Another approach might be to find out the doctors name and have an "off line" chat with him (without your parents knowledge). You will have to use some stealth here.

Many people don't get second opinions and it sounds like they are hitting it with all they've got - surgery, chemo and radiation. I would guess the staging to be III or IV based on what you have shared and the treatment protocol.

About mid way through radiation the going can get very tough and that will be the time when your mother will need some help.

I was 55 when was Dx'd and I am 58 now. I still want to learn all I can, if for no other reason, to help others who have the desire to know what their options are.

By the way, I was late staged (I REFUSED to let them touch my teeth) and a 3 year survivor so don't let the statistics or staging give you any additional worries.