You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself!!! The uncertainty is horrible. If you can, just take it a step at a time. Get through the surgery and then deal with the node results when they come in. By then you will just be glad to be feeling a bit more like yourself again. I totally understand how you are rationing your sister and friends:)

Radiation/chemo requires daily trips into the hospital. I found I needed help with that after the first week or so. I kept a diary as I went through it but haven't looked back at it. The whole time is just a blur now and it's not even a year since I finished. I think I watched multiple seasons of Breaking Bad. It's a time in your life when there's every excuse to binge-watch stuff.

Best wishes for your surgery.

Maureen

1996, ovarian cancer surgery + cisplatin and taxol.
September, 2007, SCC of left lateral tongue. Excision.
October, 2009 recurrence in scar tissue, T1NOMO. Free flap surgery from left wrist - neck dissection. 63 year old New Zealander. No chemo, no RT.
February, 2014. New primary in left buccal mucosa. Marginal mandibulectomy, neck dissection, right arm free forearm flap. T1N0M0 but third occurrence and some areas of concern: RT started 8 April and finished 19 May.