Mama, I am so with you. I was diagnosed 5 weeks after I opened my own business. I was within the 3 month window for my extended health insurance, and the only way for me to earn an income was to work. Talk about shitty timing.

When I was in hospital, and being my own advocate (asking about meds, etc.), I was listed as a "difficult" patient (I saw it on a sheet tucked into a new nurses pocket).

I was 39 years old, and righteously pissed. I got tired very fast of people asking "how are you"? I wanted to scream at them all - I have cancer you jackass! Of course I'm not all right. I didn't, but man, it was tempting sometimes.

My saving grace - my parents. They were so devastated by the news that I couldn't pile any more on them. My dad looked like he was going to burst into tears at any given moment, and he's not a crier. So I faked it.

We have a saying for young lawyers - "fake it, til you make it", which is the false confidence we use until our knowledge and skills get good enough.

I still have my moments, when a word gets stuck, or at lunch when someone chomps down on a burger and I want to choke the life out of them. I tend to come here those days, and remind myself of the people here we lost, or those who have it worse than I do, and tell myself to stop being a baby. Sometimes I just rant. That's what we're here for.