[quote=las3645] I can't get the "I have cancer" thought out of my head. Are these thoughts going to be here for forever? [/quote]

Hi Las,

I just read your posts. Sorry you had to join the club but you'll find this site to be a great support system and source of information.

You pose an interesting question. When we hear the words "You have cancer", it's a feeling one cannot quite describe in words. Before I saw the ENT about the lump in my neck, I knew in my gut it was cancer. I had convinced myself it was some sort of lymphoma based on the self diagnosis sites and doing way too much reading on the web. I asked the doctor to be straight up with me. After his initial examination, the Dr. looked at me and said "I think this is cancer. We don't know what type but I've seen enough of this to tell you it is cancer". Despite having convinced myself, hearing those words still made my stomach drop.

I had a FNA and the results were indeed cancer. But it was SCC Head and Neck. I had never had heard of it and was actually relieved at first, that is until he explained the details. There are no "good" cancers but SCC H&N is pretty nasty!

Your life changes the moment you hear those words. Then it was the waiting. Yes, a day seems like a month! I was Dx's on Nov. 30th 2012 and between 2 surgeries looking for the primary site and another emergency surgery to stop bleeding, I finally started actual treatment on March 14th., 30 rads and 6 weekly chemos (Cisplatin).

Everyone is different in how they process this but I know not a day goes by that I don't know I have cancer. the side effects of the surgery alone are enough to remind me a few short moments after awakening.

The key is your attitude. With cancer, everything else around you is out of your control. The only thing you have control over is your attitude. Staying positive is a very large part of the battle and a vital aspect.

Concerning telling others? There are as many opinions as there are people posting. There is a thread here concerning that. It's a personal choice. I chose to go public in a big way. For me, it was the right thing. The support and positive vibes have been awesome.

It's wise to seek a 2nd opinion, especially at a Comprehensive Cancer Center. Research the facilities you're considering. Here's a link to some good info: http://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/rankings/cancer

Good luck with everything. Positive vibes and prayers.

"T"