I don't know what to say but I couldn't read what you wrote and say nothing. I'm sorry that life has been so unbearably hard for you and your family this year. I hope the chemo starts soon and gives you some relief.

Have you met with the hospital social worker? They might be able to help set up lodging or transportation so that you can participate in the trial. If you have a friend who might be able to drive you, please ask. I know it sucks to feel like you're imposing but this is a crisis and you need help.

Also, if you aren't already talking with someone, a referral to your hospital's psycho-oncology department might be a good idea. I've recently begun seeing a therapist at my hospital and it has helped me a lot. It sounds like you could really use some support.

Anyway, maybe the last thing you need is my well-meaning advice. You know what's best for you and what you can handle. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and wishing you and your father the best.