Hi Kerri!

It's amazing finally connecting with people who "get it". This is so wonderful. I was pregnant when the bump showed up but wasn't diagnosed until 10/2011 and Sam was born in 5/2011. I had had a similar bump back in 12/2006 and it was removed in 1/2007 as benign.

Doctor can't determine the cause. I was a smoker back in high school but he said I would of had to smoke like a 60 year old man for life in order to get cancer like this. I tested negative for HPV. He said it could have been dental trauma but he thinks its just bad luck. There's no way to pinpoint cause. I think that's what makes the emotional healing process the hardest for me. Not knowing why.

It was tough with a new baby. I had just been diagnosed to PPD and was feeling like my life was in total chaos so to be broadsided with this...I think I always knew it was cancer. I just kept pushing it off because there was no time to take care of me. I had a new baby at home, a two year old, my business (it was peak wedding season and I'm a wedding photographer).

But everything happens for a reason and when I finally had my biopsy done, I knew something was wrong. The doctor wasn't able to numb my tongue. The novacaine didn't work and he tried 8 shots of it. I felt every cut and stitch...worst pain of my life. He also had another surgeon come in and look at it and there was worry in their eyes that told me something was up. I drove myself home that day I just cried my eyes out in pain and in total fear of what was happening. I didn't get my results right away and went to my naturopathic doctor and she called and got the results for me and told me when I went in to see for her pain management. Thankfully my husband and two boys came with me that day for the ride. If I had gotten the new by myself I don't know what I would have done.

The more you talk about it...the more you relive it...the more it starts to really feel real.