just a word of thanks to those who replied to my first post. I`m rather new at communicating with others about my problems. i try to express my true feelings and what I believe. I don`t try to convince others to believe as I do. I try only to give them something to think about. I believe that we take control of own destiny. You have to be you, no one in the world can be you better than yourself. That`s what I try to do, just be me, nothing special, no hero or anything like that.I admit, I`ve been through more in the past year than most people will go through in a lifetime, but I will live my life on my own terms.I`m going to face this next surgery as I did the previos ones....scared, I`d be lieing if I said I wasn`t scared, when they knock me out, I`m out of control, but I trust my docs that I`ll be fine........I must tell everyone, though, the biggest part of my strength and my biggest inspiration, and my guardian angel is my wife. She has managed to care for me for the past 4 years, and support and care for 2 elderly neighbors, who wished to die at home, plus somehow find the time to befriend 2 deathrow inmates. She has taught me the true meaning of compassion, of helping me understand that whenever we fall down and pick ourselves up again, we grow. That we are spirit, living in a body. That we are all here to help each other....How Can I Help, seems to be the words she lives by, so that`s really why I`m on this board............not to be a hero, or a disease, but taking my life, and trying to follow her example..........thankyou again to all who responded