Hi everyone, Feeling very overwhelmed and devastated right now. The last month had been such an encouraging one in terms of my husband's recovery and rehabilitation. He has been eating solid food, speaking, and able to enjoy life for the first time since all this began 8 months ago. Hints of normal family life were returning, and we were both so grateful to have that time. And then last week the first PET 3 month post treatment showed two nodules on his lungs, one on each side. We were completely blindsighted, and took this very hard of course. Wednesday we met with a thoracic surgeon and two days later (today) he had surgery to remove the easier/smaller of the two. Pathology confirmed cancer, and they are guessing it is metastatic, although that can't be said yet until the full pathology report comes back. Everything is so new, we don't have a treatment plan yet, but it sounds like it will probably be offered chemo or immunotherapy and then time to heal followed by a larger surgery to remove the 2 cm tumor that is central in his other lung. It is all surreal. He did well with the first surgery today (I just talked to his hospital nurse this evening) and if I focus on that I feel stable and okay. But of course it is very hard not to let my mind roam off to the larger picture and all the unknowns of this new and what feels like infinitely more complex territory (as if the first round of this wasn't enough!). Add on that his white cells have never returned to normal levels (hovering just above neutropenic for months). His surgeon told me it was the healthiest lung he's ever seen--I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. The concept of a "curative path" kept me grounded through all the hellish things he had to face, and now that that's fallen by the wayside I am trying to find a new way to frame this so that we can keep moving forward and not be sick with fear. This is all so cruel. I have been gathering strength and wisdom reading through this forum the past month. Thanks very much for that.

hugs to you.