Patient / Survivor Header
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#147605 - 03/30/12 09:57 PM Memories...
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
I was reading through Matt's facebook posts and came across this one from a year ago...

"Chemo night from hell last night. Wife would have held my hair out of the puke if I had any. Kept me in pills and held my shivering hands with 102.5 degrees.. kept me hydrated. Now I know what it is to be loved. Love you BabyDoll."

He knew. I did everything I could. This makes me smile and cry at the same time.
The first week and a half after his passing was filled with tasks to be done.
Now that it's all calming down and I have time to think and remember I cry a lot more. I am trying to write things down so I will have them always.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#147607 - 03/30/12 10:07 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2671
Loc: TN
That is beautiful, Christine. He did know. An so should you. Let the tears fall. They will help to cleanse and heal the hurt. Take the time you need and so deserve just for for you. I'm sure Matt's spirit is close, soothing and holding you in his arms. Write everything down that you can It does help.
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




Top
#147613 - 03/30/12 11:32 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Anne-Marie]
Cheryld Offline
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 5260
Loc: Toronto canada
Hugs... cry... it helps.
_________________________
Cheryl : Irritation - 2004 BX: 6/2008 : Inflam. BX: 12/10, DX: 12/10 : SCC - LS tongue well dif. T2N1M0. 2/11 hemigloss + recon. : PND - 40 nodes - 39 clear. 3/11 - 5/11 IMRT 33 + cis x2, PEG 3/28/11 - 5/19/11 3 head, 2 chest scans - clear(fingers crossed) HPV-, No smoke, drink, or drugs, Vegan

Top
#147633 - 03/31/12 02:18 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Cheryld]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Oh my gosh Christine. I am trying to type this through the tears. I'm SOOOOO glad you found that. I wish you had seen it earlier when the struggle was sooo awful, but, yes, he knew. They all know. Maybe they can't express it, but they know. Thank you SOOOOOO much for sharing this.
Think of you often,
Kathy
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#147639 - 03/31/12 04:36 PM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
zengalib Offline
Platinum Member (300+ posts)

Registered: 11/30/09
Posts: 490
Loc: NW Ohio
Oh, wow, Christine, what message you discovered! Hugs to you!
_________________________
Female, nonsmoker, 69, diag. 5/09 after tongue biopsy: stage IV. Left hemi-gloss. and left selec. neck disec. 30 lymph nodes removed May 20. Over 7 weeks daily rads. with three chemo. PEG removed 12/4/09 Am eating mostly soft foods. Back to work 11/09 Retired 4/1/11. 7 clear scans! Port out 9/11. 2/13. It's back: base of tongue, very invasive
surgery involving lifestyle changes. 2/14: Now speaking w/Passey-Muir valve. Considering a swallow study. Grateful to be alive.

Top
#147675 - 04/01/12 09:42 PM Re: Memories... [Re: zengalib]
Bob Whyte Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 586
Loc: Vermont
SEMPER-FI Bob
_________________________
Bob age 57, non smoker,non drinker, ended treatment on 11 Nov 2007 and started back to work on 29 Nov 2007. Veterans Day 2012 the Battle was lowered, folded, Taps was played and the Flag buried as I am know a 5 year survivor. Semper-FI !!!

Top
#147695 - 04/02/12 02:45 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Bob Whyte]
slim Offline
Platinum Member (300+ posts)

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 475
Loc: PA
Sigh - so happy you found that message. Maybe it was put in your path to remind you how much Matt loved and appreciated you. You were a wonderful caregiver and I wish you happy memories and calmer days.
_________________________
Wanda (47) caregiver to husband John (56) age at diag.
1-13-09 diagnosed Stage IV BOT SCC (HPV+)
2-12-09 PEG placed, 7-6-09 removed
Cisplatin 7 weeks, 7 weeks (35) IMRT
4-15-09 - treatment completed
8-09,12-09-CT Scans clear, 4-10,6-11-PET Scans clear
4-13 - HBO (30 dives) tooth extraction

Top
#147716 - 04/03/12 02:35 PM Re: Memories... [Re: slim]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Loving the happy memories that come back. I hate that it feels like I put them all aside for so long to focus on the "task at hand"

Advice to all of you. Keep the memories fresh and alive through the whole process. Pictures, journals, whatever... just don't let cancer take them away at any part of the journey.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#147756 - 04/04/12 01:45 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Thanks Christine. How are his daughters doing? I can only imagine how you are doing. I'm sure it's different by the minute. Think of you almost every day and pray that you are in peace.
Kathy
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#147768 - 04/04/12 07:31 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
The youngest daughter is surrounded by love and faith and family and is doing very well. The oldest daughter is going through a process much like my own. She/and I spend the first week in shock, avoiding anything emotional.
She said last week was quite rough, and I assured her that I am here if she wants to talk.
A grief counselor from hospice came and told me of a support group locally where the kids can talk to their peers about the loss they have experienced. It will be great.
The counselor was confident that I would be just fine, since my overall demeanor was one of happiness.
I just don't see the point in be unpleasant. It's a curse sometimes, but that's just me.

Anyway, I miss you gals/guys and appreciate all of you. Thanks for taking the journey with me.

Christine
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#147771 - 04/04/12 10:46 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2671
Loc: TN
Thanks for checking in, Christine - I think of you so often and it's good to hear you have family and others close by for support and for sharing the happy memories.
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




Top
#147774 - 04/04/12 02:07 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Anne-Marie]
ChristineB Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 8969
Loc: PA
I too am always checking for posts from you. Ive watched your entire story and know how hard things became for you. I still remember you first joining OCF almost 3 years ago. Its been a long hard road and you held it together with compassion and love. Wishing you the very best of everything!
_________________________
Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07, no caregiver
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo extended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line w/ IV antibiotics 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3 times in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile

Top
#147777 - 04/04/12 02:53 PM Re: Memories... [Re: ChristineB]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Glad the youngest is doing well. I guess they say time heals. Hopefully the older daughter will be able to find support within the group. Please keep in touch Christine. We miss you too and love hearing from you!!
Blessings to you and LOVE your happiness attitude. It really is just healthier than the alternative! Glad you can get there!
Kathy
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#147784 - 04/04/12 04:23 PM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
Pandora99 Offline
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 09/14/06
Posts: 1328
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada
I think of you every day Christine, wonder how you are doing.... Know you are in our prayers.

Donna
_________________________
Donna,61,SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV.New primary R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 11 yrs from 1st dx, 7 yrs since 2nd dx. Surviving isn't easy,but grateful for EVERY day.Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL!

Top
#147794 - 04/04/12 09:36 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Pandora99]
julieann Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 06/24/09
Posts: 875
Loc: Alabama
Gone but not forgotten, Christine. I love seeing pictures of you and Matt in happier times that you post on Facebook. You have such wonderful memories of him, and your love for him will keep those memories alive.
julieann
_________________________
Julieann
Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer smile

Top
#147797 - 04/05/12 12:11 AM Re: Memories... [Re: julieann]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
This Friday is the anniversary of our first date, and our wedding... I am going to my hometown area and going out drinking with my girlfriends to celebrate the man I love.
They have karaoke and a live band, and awesome taxi service for after smile
Saturday I am getting my hair done by a dear friend, and Easter Sunday will be spent with my family.
Busy weekend ahead and I am looking forward to it.
I am finding resources in my community to help with the little things... I am learning to talk to EVERYONE I see and ask for their knowledge about the city. Whether I need the lawn mowed or the car worked on, I am slowly building my contact list.
I had the pleasure of stopping by a garage to have my state inspection done on the car. There was a local "old timer" just sitting and talking with the shop owner. It was great to sit and talk with him a while. The shop owner invited me back anytime I needed someone to give me a hard time smile
I can feel the effects of the sun on my arms at the end of each day, and I feel content in a day well lived.

I love you all, and am not going away any time soon! PM me anytime if you have questions. Its not too soon, and I am happy to help if I can.

Christine
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#147805 - 04/05/12 03:46 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Kerri Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 08/08/11
Posts: 581
Loc: MA
Dear Christine,

I'm so glad you're taking the time to look back to when Matt was Matt and he knew the depth of your love and devotion...and that he so much appreciated it.

It's so hard to figure out what to do next after the dust has settled. I wish for you that you are able to find some peace and comfort through the tears. Grieving always takes more time than we want. You are in my thoughts.

xoxo,
Kerri
_________________________
37 y/o fem at Dx (23 wks preg @ dx on 3/16/11)
SCC L oral tongue (no risk factors)
L partial gloss/MND 3/28/11 @ 25 wks preg
T1-2N0M0; no rads/chemo
Tonsillectomy on 8/6/12 +SCC L tonsil T2-3N1M0 (HPV-)
Treated with 35 rads/7 carbo & taxol (Rx ended 10/31/12), but many hospitalizations d/t complications from rx.
Various scans since rx ended are NED!
Part of genetic study for rare cancers @ MGH.
Being 41 is fun! Hoping for 40 more!

Top
#147806 - 04/05/12 06:39 AM Re: Memories... [Re: Kerri]
EricS Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 01/03/09
Posts: 1844
Loc: Idaho
Christine, you are amazing my dear friend, and I love you and your beautiful spirit. Celebrate life while you are able, I believe in that.

your friend,


Eric
_________________________
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.

Top
#147807 - 04/05/12 09:01 AM Re: Memories... [Re: EricS]
Gabe Offline
"OCF Down Under"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1301
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia
There is no "like" button here but I have also been following your journey Christine.
We love you too and I am sure there are people here who will be appreciative of your help.
Just make sure you have taken some time for yourself first but I see you are already aware of looking for those resources within your own family and community smile
Love and Hugs
Gabriele
_________________________
History Leukoplakia bx 8/2006 SCC floor mouth T3N0M0- Verrucous Carcinoma.
14 hour 0p SCC-Right ND/excision/marginal mandibulectomy 9/2006, 4 teeth removed, flap from wrist, trach-ng 6 days- no chemo/rad.
6 ops and debulking (flap/tongue join) + bx's 2006-2012.
bx Jan 2012 Hyperkeratosis-Epithelial Dysplasia
24cm GIST tumour removed 8/2013. Indefinite Oral Chemo.

1/31/16 passed away peacefully surrounded by family


Top
#147863 - 04/06/12 03:43 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Gabe]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Here it is. Anniversary. #9 since our first date, and #2 since our wedding. I woke up. It dawned on me that it was here. I cried.

I am glad I already made plans with friends to get outta the house, otherwise I'd stay in bed all day with a box of tissues.

Off to pack my weekend bag and celebrate my love.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#147867 - 04/06/12 05:32 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
ChristineB Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 8969
Loc: PA
Hope you are able to enjoy yourself over the weekend. You were very smart to make lots of plans. Remember the good memories and know that Matt is smiling down on you.
_________________________
Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07, no caregiver
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo extended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line w/ IV antibiotics 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3 times in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile

Top
#147879 - 04/06/12 08:36 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Happy Anniversary Honey!! Yes, very glad you are getting out with your girlfriends. Relax and have a good time.
Thinking of you daily. Wish we could all have a party night together!
Love,
Kathy
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148049 - 04/10/12 05:13 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Sandy177 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 01/17/11
Posts: 571
Loc: California
Love you, girl!

I agree with Wanda. Sometimes when we need them the most, they show up. I was cleaning out my mom's stuff and setting stuff aside for Goodwill. I was so sad. I reached in a coat pocket and found a tissue with a perfect lipstick lip print on it. It was like getting one more kiss from my mom.

Matt loved you tremendously. I am so happy that you have things he wrote and said to reassure you that you were loved and appreciated. Too many people let those words go unsaid and unwritten. That's tragic.

Sending hugs,
Sandy
xoxox

_________________________
Ex-spouse MISDIAGNOSED with SCC-HN IVa 12/10. Tonsils out 1/11. 4 teeth out 2/11. TX Erbitux x2, IMRT x2 2/11. 2nd opinion-benign BCC-NOT CANCER 3/11. TX stopped 3/11. New doctors 4/11. ENT agrees with 2nd opinion 5/11. ENT scoped him-all clear 7/11. Ordered MRI anyway. MRI 8/22/11 Result-all clear.

Top
#148050 - 04/10/12 05:47 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Friday night I kept very busy, saw an awesome band, drank a LOT and hand fun. Saturday got 4 inches chopped off my hair for the summer. Went for a long peaceful drive through the country and found a CUTE property with 5 acres. It's on a dirt road, but not far from a highway. There is a creek just across the road. A huge garage/shop where my son and I could build a hot rod or start making demo derby cars (we have several fun ideas to keep us busy) Trees are everywhere so lots of rock gardens hammocks and little oasis opportunities to be created.
Would be such a nice place to heal.
When I mentioned it to my brother, he laughed really big and then showed me on a map that the property he wants to buy is about a mile due north across the creek from it. The kids would all certainly love that!
As much as I love the city and all that there is to do, I am just a country girl at heart.

Kathy, I agree, it would be SO nice to meet you all!

Anyway, just touching base.

Love,
Christine
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148052 - 04/10/12 06:48 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
EricS Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Registered: 01/03/09
Posts: 1844
Loc: Idaho
Christine, thank you for sharing my dear friend. I love reading these updates, you've been on my heart.

Love you lady

Eric
_________________________
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.

Top
#148059 - 04/10/12 06:38 PM Re: Memories... [Re: EricS]
Maria Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 07/15/11
Posts: 930
Loc: Ohio
Christine,
our three acres attach us to the earth and the turning of the seasons; I hope you are able to manage your own patch of green (and the fabulous garage). Be sure to budget enough for the equipment to manage your property so it will be a joy and not overwhelming! Love and best wishes.
Maria
_________________________
CG to husband - SCC Tonsil T1N2M0 HPV+ Never Smoker
First symptoms 7/2010, DX 12/2010
TX 40 IRMT (1.8 gy) + 10 Cetuximab
PET Scans 6/2011 + 3/2012 clear, 02/2015 physical exam clear; chest CT's clear of cancer. On thyroid pills. Thrush finally gone. Life is good.

Top
#148060 - 04/10/12 07:28 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Maria]
zengalib Offline
Platinum Member (300+ posts)

Registered: 11/30/09
Posts: 490
Loc: NW Ohio
Christine,
Thank you for continuing to share with us. Buying the land sounds like a really neat idea. I'll bet Matt is smiling down on you right now.
_________________________
Female, nonsmoker, 69, diag. 5/09 after tongue biopsy: stage IV. Left hemi-gloss. and left selec. neck disec. 30 lymph nodes removed May 20. Over 7 weeks daily rads. with three chemo. PEG removed 12/4/09 Am eating mostly soft foods. Back to work 11/09 Retired 4/1/11. 7 clear scans! Port out 9/11. 2/13. It's back: base of tongue, very invasive
surgery involving lifestyle changes. 2/14: Now speaking w/Passey-Muir valve. Considering a swallow study. Grateful to be alive.

Top
#148067 - 04/10/12 11:18 PM Re: Memories... [Re: zengalib]
ChristineB Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 8969
Loc: PA
Christine, its nice to read your positive updates. Glad you enjoyed yourself over the weekend. Buying the property would be a good fresh start for your family. Hope it all works out for you.
_________________________
Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07, no caregiver
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo extended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line w/ IV antibiotics 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3 times in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile

Top
#148077 - 04/11/12 05:25 AM Re: Memories... [Re: ChristineB]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Glad you all don't mind the continued updates... I am totally addicted to talking to you all :P
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148081 - 04/11/12 09:08 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2671
Loc: TN
Your updates are a wonderful inspiration to everyone here. It's great to see that there is a beautiful life possible after coming though the dark tunnel of the big "C".
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




Top
#148122 - 04/11/12 10:55 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Anne-Marie]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Yes, yes. We LOVE hearing from you!!!
What are your further thoughts on the land?
Kathy
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148123 - 04/11/12 11:09 PM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Kathy - I am going to look at the land Friday, along with another property with just under 4 acres and a lovely creek ON the property. The second one isn't finished, but it's priced accordingly and I have contacts there that can get it done.

I got AWESOME news today.

I haven't looked for work or anything yet because widow brain seriously rivals chemo brain and I don't remember shh right now.
Not to mention the random crying spells may not go over well.

Today, I get an email from the guy that owns the company I worked for back in Arkansas. It says "call me"...
He has finally realized that I carried that office and that without me, the so called accounting manager is a desperate failure. He offered me her job today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am.

The slight reservation I have is because he offered it to me several years ago but then didn't follow through with firing her. He'd better do it this time!

I already know and love all of the people there and the job is second nature so I can do it through the blonde moments and the tears! YAY!
Plus my son's best friends are there.

I also got my computer back from the shop today where they were combining Matt's hard drives and files onto my PC.
No charge. That man is great, I'll miss the service when I move.

To be fair... I don't sleep at night, I cry my eyes out a LOT and I am lonely as hell... but every now and then the universe smiles on me and I know I will be alright.



Christine
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148128 - 04/12/12 01:28 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
That truly is GREAT news. I'm glad you hadn't taken something else!!
The land sounds like heaven! That is what Kevin wants someday. Probably not around here though. I wish we had just looked for that when we moved here from Alaska, but with the kids I wanted to be close to the town hall which has baseball fields, tennis courts, basketball courts, soccer fields and a pool. Everything we do is pretty much done there. If we had moved where there was land I would be driving constantly. With Kevin gone to work 3 weeks at a time it would have been all me and I just didn't want it.
I'm sorry about the nights. I pray with time it will get better. I can't imagine Christine. Have his girls come around at all?
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148137 - 04/12/12 08:03 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
The oldest, Amanda has been in touch and FINALLY joined facebook. We have made plans to get together this weekend.
I told her about the job offer and she was really excited for me. I know Matt wanted me to be close for her, but I think he underestimated what a strong young woman she is. She's just like her Daddy in so many ways.

I don't think either daughter ever fully realized just how much I love them too. But, they will see over the years that they remain in my heart and on my mind just like their dad will.

The property is very enticing Kathy... My son however chimed in today with a request to live somewhere "not boring" and our definitions of that happen to be opposite! He wants the city close to his friends. I want the country away from it all.
Now, if I can't get decent internet out there... that could be a deal breaker! We will see!

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148139 - 04/12/12 12:44 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
terrib Offline
Senior Member (100+ posts)

Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 150
Loc: MN
Christine,

Moving and all that goes along with will definietly keep you busy and exhausated, making sleep easier at night.

The land sounds wonderful!! To have a creek is even better. I want to wake up and look at water every morning when we retire. After visiting my son in FL and his condo had water on 3 sides I called my husband and said I was ready to move!!! AZ would never work for me, all that sand (desert) and no water.

The job opportunity sounds just what you need. Glad things are working out for you and happy to see you still posting.
_________________________
Husband diagnosed Oct '11 Cancer of the vocal cord Nov '11 removed right vocal cord. Neck Dissection, cancer in one node, .2, very small & contained) Jan '12 Radiation and Cisplatin, 6 doses. June '12 & Dec '12 clear Pet scan. April '13 Celebrating 1 year cancer free since treatment ended.

Top
#148164 - 04/12/12 08:21 PM Re: Memories... [Re: terrib]
SUEZ Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 07/21/10
Posts: 531
Loc: AURORA, OH
I'm confused where do you live Christine? MO or AR? I know they are right next to each other do you live right on the border or are you moving to AR for the job? lol sorry really befuddled but other than that HEY wonderful news!!! I would so love to live out in the country with a creek and creatures! lol Take pics put on FB I'll check em out! If my kids and grandkids and all my family didn't live right here in OH within 40 mins of each other...I'd be gone down to Florida probably, my friend sells homes down there, mostly the ones I can't afford lol but she is so good she will find me something she said if I really decided to move down there. She sells homes without people even coming down to see them personally, she does virtual showings and she is making a killing down there!
_________________________
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08

Top
#148165 - 04/12/12 08:46 PM Re: Memories... [Re: SUEZ]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
LOL, Suez I move so damn much I get confused... I am currently in Springfield MO... about two hours south is Springdale, AR where I used to live, and will be moving back to for the job.
It doesn't help me that the darn city names are so similar. I'll be botching that up for months.

I like FL and such to visit, but I don't like the ocean near as much as a river or good mountain stream... the continuity of flowing water soothes the soul. (mine anyway)

I will post pics on FB this weekend, I'll be looking at the properties tomorrow.

My son was humming and singing around the house again yesterday. It's been a looooooooong time since he's done that. I am so happy to see some joy in him again. He used to always walk around humming a song.

God is good my friends. Even when we don't see how it's possible through the darkness. He's with us always.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148171 - 04/13/12 12:30 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
Amen Christine!!
See, that was our problem too. Darn kids!! Just kidding!! I figured Kevin and I will have our day, now we know every day is a gift and I'm sad we didn't move where he wanted. Oh well, we are here now and here we will stay until the kids all graduate. We just built the addition for my Mom to live here a year and a half ago too, so I think she would kill me if I announced we were moving. Sure sounds awesome though.
How old is your son?
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148176 - 04/13/12 03:57 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
He will be 14 at the end of June, AND he just made my night by liking a property I found with 30 acres, mostly wooded. It's the farthest out of all I've looked at and THATs the one he likes. Go figure!
My big concern with it is going to be getting internet out there on the mountain!
And the address.... on True Love Rd.

Kinda cheesy, but I like it.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148178 - 04/13/12 04:40 AM Re: Memories... [Re: Anne-Marie]
Sandy177 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 01/17/11
Posts: 571
Loc: California
Girl, this is a family. We'd be missing you if you disappeared on us!
_________________________
Ex-spouse MISDIAGNOSED with SCC-HN IVa 12/10. Tonsils out 1/11. 4 teeth out 2/11. TX Erbitux x2, IMRT x2 2/11. 2nd opinion-benign BCC-NOT CANCER 3/11. TX stopped 3/11. New doctors 4/11. ENT agrees with 2nd opinion 5/11. ENT scoped him-all clear 7/11. Ordered MRI anyway. MRI 8/22/11 Result-all clear.

Top
#148224 - 04/13/12 10:46 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Sandy177]
Shelley K Offline
Platinum Member (300+ posts)

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 307
Loc: North Hills, CA
Christine,

I LOVE the name of your new address! I admire you so much. You have shown (and still showing)so much strength and grace through what was probably the toughest time in your life. You are an inspiration to us caregivers. And what Sandy said is right...we are one big family here! You can't leave!!

Love,

Shelley
_________________________
Caregiver to husband Ron. Throat Cancer. Finished 35 radiation treatments on 11/21/04. 8/2/11 small lesion on lower gum, laser Procedure to remove. 3/6/12 Doc. removed another lesion on outside of his neck. Did a skin graft from his chest to replace the skin on his neck. Went to Heaven on 6/24/12.

Top
#148234 - 04/14/12 12:50 AM Re: Memories... [Re: Sandy177]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
LOVE it!!! Hope it is something that can work out. How far would it be from work? The new job?
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148239 - 04/14/12 02:10 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Aww... y'all are makin' me tear up! Thanks smile

Kathy it's about thirty miles from the office. About 1/2 a mile from a dear friend and soon to be again co-worker, so we may carpool if I can get her to sleep in past 5 am! She's always been an early riser and early to work.

There are a few level areas where a future dream house could be built on the property. Lots of peace and quiet, and an eastern view over the mountain tops for the sunrise.
The existing house is quite liveable in the mean time.
With Matt, I'd have already made an offer, but I find myself hesitating.

Tonight there are thunderstorms blazing through and I am off to early sleep. Visiting step daughter & granddaughter tomorrow, will need all the strength I can gather.



_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148284 - 04/14/12 10:49 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Too depressed to get out of the house today. Second guessing everything. Taking a big time out.
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148288 - 04/15/12 01:06 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
KP5 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 805
Loc: NY
So sorry Christine. I guess there will be days like this. I'm sure it's ok to give yourself a day off.
The land sounds just wonderful. Go with your heart. If you think Matt would have loved it, then go for it. Make a special place on the property that is your place to sit and talk to him! By the creek maybe?
No granddaughter visit today, but maybe tomorrow? Call some of those crazy girlfriends!! Wish I was closer!
Love ya'!
_________________________
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14

Top
#148296 - 04/15/12 01:46 AM Re: Memories... [Re: KP5]
Anne-Marie Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 2671
Loc: TN
_________________________
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)




Top
#148338 - 04/16/12 12:26 AM Re: Memories... [Re: Anne-Marie]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Anne-Marie I have a list of scripture I wrote down in the days following Matt's death that I refer to often. It's great comfort when I remember to do it!

I did go visit my step daughter and grand daughter today. It was SO nice to spend time with them. I feel much better today.
The mood swings sure come on swiftly when grief strikes. I never know what will set it off. I journal daily, sometimes it seems hourly and that helps me a lot.

Several days have felt so incredibly long. I will feel like a week has passed and it's only been two days.

Work will be good for me. Definitely.

_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148413 - 04/17/12 01:28 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
SUEZ Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 07/21/10
Posts: 531
Loc: AURORA, OH
Christine
I wish I could buy that much beautiful property and live up my a river/creek and listen to the water running and watch wildlife hell I'd probably run some kind of dog shelter for Pitbulls!
_________________________
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08

Top
#148437 - 04/18/12 12:27 AM Re: Memories... [Re: SUEZ]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
wish it had a creek! LOL
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#148487 - 04/19/12 01:35 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Sandy177 Offline
"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

Registered: 01/17/11
Posts: 571
Loc: California
One journey ended and another one began. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other...even when you don't want to put either one of 'em on the floor in the morning! Believe me, time will pass and you will heal. Be gentle with yourself. And, know that you are loved.

Sandy
xoxox
_________________________
Ex-spouse MISDIAGNOSED with SCC-HN IVa 12/10. Tonsils out 1/11. 4 teeth out 2/11. TX Erbitux x2, IMRT x2 2/11. 2nd opinion-benign BCC-NOT CANCER 3/11. TX stopped 3/11. New doctors 4/11. ENT agrees with 2nd opinion 5/11. ENT scoped him-all clear 7/11. Ordered MRI anyway. MRI 8/22/11 Result-all clear.

Top
#148527 - 04/19/12 10:43 PM Re: Memories... [Re: Sandy177]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
Hello everyone! Today, I finally did it. I went in for a doc check up. Mainly because a pesky spider tried to eat my side and I ended up with some sort of staph infection the darn thing transmitted.
But... while I was there I DID talk to her about not sleeping and the all that has been going on.
4 scripts later, and I am on my way to feeling like a new woman.

Also, on a side note... Jamie here with OCF got Matt's page up.. just in case you want to read what I wrote about him.. here's the link..
http://www.ocfstore.org/Matthew_Moore_s/257.htm

The pic is Matt holding his first born, Amanda.
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#149630 - 05/16/12 04:05 AM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
CMMoore Offline
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 07/01/09
Posts: 280
Loc: MO, USA
wow, been a while.. i didn't take the land i was looking at, the house had more issues than i wanted to take on. i am now renting a house within walking distance to my brother and his family, my son gets to visit them whenever he likes and we are both coping well with the move. i am back to work, half way through week two and i have to say i am glad i decided to go back. the grief process is a huge challenge and with every good day comes the realization that he isn't here to share it with me. bittersweet is the norm for now.
_________________________
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.

Top
#150617 - 06/10/12 04:52 PM Re: Memories... [Re: CMMoore]
Jeanna F Offline
"OCF Down Under"
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 207
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Here for you hon...always...xxxx
_________________________
Jeanna
Wife/Carer of Rod, 56, Dx 5/3/09, SCC Oropharnyx T4 N2, End Tx 28th 07/09, 7wks Rad, 3 Cisplatin, primary tonsil, 4cm Lymph right of neck, 1cm left, in jaw & soft palate & base of tongue. Peg 06/09. CT & PET scans 02/11 - NED. Dentures 20/09/11, PEG out 28/10/11.

Top
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 >

Support OCF


Help OCF

Shop Amazon and Help OCF

Who's Online
1 registered (nancyinsd), 37 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
10,626 Registered Members
23 Forums
16,513 Topics
186,922 Posts

Most users ever online: 271 @ 01/29/16 05:14 PM
Top Posters
ChristineB 8969
davidcpa 8311
Cheryld 5260
Brian Hill 4726
Gary 3550
Newest Members
Barry Lee, Antoinette McDowel, nivas01, Misty42171, TCFuller
10625 Registered Users
Brag Box