Reminded Rod yesterday I was going back to work next week. He begged me to take another week off. I have just been off for 4 weeks, have used all sick leave & only have 5 days annual leave up my sleeve. Talk about a catch 22....the nurse yesterday said I need to go back for ME, even if only gradual & that Rod needed to become a little more independant. She told him with his meds decreasing, he needed to work his 'ass' off in the eating department which would contribute with his treatment recovery. She asked him why he wanted me home another week, he said he didn't know. After she had gone he said he felt like she had put him on the spot. I asked him why he so badly needed me to stay home next week, he said he just wanted me here. Work have agreed to me working from 9am to 1pm next week, then back to full time after that but boy, I felt a little emotionally blackmailed by Rod, not quite a win win for me, but is this dependancy natural? I'm guessing it is.....we need to now get some 'normal' back....

J

I agree with you and the nurse. He should be out of the tunnel by now and at 53 I think (hope) he's capable of caring for himself which at this point is really just about nothing. Time for him to stop the pity party and everyone needs to reclaim their lives back. I think you need to just tell him you're going back FT next week period, end of story.

OOh David thats harsh .Treatment finished 28th July thats less than 4 weeks ago.Rob had only just emerged from his sleep cocoon after 4 weeks and sure as hell wasn't ready to go it alone.

I just think its hard to let go of the emotional connection that develops between the patient and the care-giver. My mom was my care-giver and we got to the point of finishing each other's sentences after 12 weeks of being together day in and day out. When she had to return to work, it was hard for both of us. I was fully capable of caring for myself, that wasn't the issue, but it was hard to unravel the closeness we'd developed and move forward separately.

Jeanna, best of luck with returning to work. Its going to make you feel so much better getting out among people.

Your husband may be weak but by the time you hit full time he should be ok. I was in bad shape for about a month after tx finished then slowly started to recover. Your idea of part time next week sounds like a good plan.

I agree with the nurse as well. I was lucky enough that i could log on at home and work from home a few days a week, but after weeks I was back in the office most days.
I would come back some nights at 6.30 pm having been away from home since 8.30 am and he hadn't woken up or eaten or left the bed. I had to be hard, tell him off and force feed him. I started calling him from work every 2 hours just to make sure he was awake and eating. It worked.
He needs to stop relying on you. You will be there for him when you come back from work, and he can always call you. You will feel terribly guilty, but you are being cruel to be kind. You don't want him to be stuck in a "oh poor me I am so helpless" phase. Part time as a start sounds excellent. He can get used to being not there. Plus as Christine said it will give you a boost being out there in the outside world.
Good luck

Thanks guys for your support, I posted this last night, and with no responses within an hour I thought ooooh, they must all think I'm a cow!! I've felt between a rock & a hard place, and think he is angry with me for going back at all [don't think work is happy about it all but they've accepted it]. My folks were here yesterday and commented on how good he looks and that he seemed very much better than 2 weeks ago. David you have a good point, and he IS capable of making eggs, soup etc, but my fear is he won't. He is in so much of a hurry to go back to work himself, I said this morning that it won't happen unless he eats. I commented to the nurse that I think he thinks he is invincible, she agreed with me to let him 'go for it & learn the hard way', I just have to be prepared for any of his whims that fail to come back on me...I'm sure they will!! Yep, tough love. Hope it works - the thought is hard though as I'm not in his shoes, but nor is he in mine.....At least I can log on to my work emails & clean out my inbox from home!

Sorry but i still think barely 4 weeks post tx is a bit too early for tough love and trust me i wrote the book on tough love.

I agree Liz. Rod has been through one hell of an ordeal so I understand how he would be feeling a bit stressed about Jeanna going back to work. And Jeanna I feel for you. You would be feeling pulled in 2 directions at the moment. If your anything like I was when I was working I was useless. My thoughts were with Steve and I felt pulled in 2. Luckily I work for a very good company who gave me a 6 month career break with an option for a further 6 months if needed. No pay but I have my job to go back to when the time comes. Helps to know there's some security in our future.

Stuck between a rock & a hard place. Wish this nightmare was over, or better still had never begun. Wish I could stop my eyes welling up with tears. Wish, wish, wish.......