Hi,
I am a 40 year old teacher. I got remarried when in 2007. I knew that my husband's x was diagnosed with cervical dyspepsia and HPV right around the time they split in 2004, but I didn't know what that meant until I did the internet research on HPV after I got diagnosed a few months ago.
My husband was/is in total denial about what HPV is. He would tell me that his x blamed him for her cancer diagnosis and laugh it off in anger. He would tell me how could he possibly give someone cancer. I heard the same kind of thing from my mother-in-law. Being ignorant about HPV, I totally bought it too. I mean it does sound ridiculous that you could "catch cancer". Well now I know I have HPV 16 and I am so scared. I want to know how I can remain intimate with my husband and still protect myself. Like I said, I am so scared.
When I started dating my husband in 2005, I asked my doctor about HPV and she said not to worry about it because so many adults have it.
Anyway, I want to know what you do to protect your spouse from getting infected and what you would do differently.
Thanks for your time.

There is nothing that you can do about this. The good news is this. Just because you test positive today for HPV 16 (I assume you have had the virus subtyped to get this information) it does not mean that you will get cervical cancer or any other cancer associated with one of the very few oncogenic versions of HPV. People's immune systems for the most part clear this all the time. Only a few people of all those infected with it ever develop a cancer. My wife was positive for it 5 years ago and in no test since then has she been.

Now as to the blame game. Who knows who gave what to whom? Noone unless this is the only sexual contact you have had in your entire lifetime of any type. Since you have been married before this clearly does not apply to you. You may have been a carrier of this virus for long periods of time and never known it since testing for it during cervical exams is a relatively new idea. These test were not available ten years ago.

I wouldn't panic about any of this. I would just get you regular annual pap and HPV test, and of course an annual oral cancer screening as well.

Unless you are a pre-sexual individual that can get the vaccine (which you are not) you have no practical means to protect yourself from it. There is no mechanism for testing your husband to see if he is currently a carrier or if his immune system has eliminated it. Remember there are more than 120 versions of HPV, the vast majority of which do nothing to you.

Please go to the main OCF home page and click on the HPV link and read the age about the virus.

Brian has sage advice. Let me add another view: Not having HPV is no guarantee against getting cancer. I had my cancer tumors tested and ZERO HPV, yet I not only had Stage IV cancer once, but it even came back for a second time requiring disfiguring surgery with major quality of life issues. As it turns out, cancer caused by HPV has a better response to treatment and is less likely to come back a second time. You can't do anything about the HPV now, but being HPV free has not worked out that well for me.

What we do not know about HPV would probably fill more pages than what we do know about HPV.

Getting the virus is easy as 80% of females have been exposed to the virus by age 50 but ID'ing who you got it from is more akin to the chicken and the egg theory. We do know that there has to be some kind of contact to pass it from one to the next. Kissing orally or vaginally, vaginal intercourse and anal intercourse are the most recognized forms of transmission. Since such a large population will acquire it through out their lifetime and since only a tiny fraction of us ever develops cancer from it, we have to assume our bodies' immune system effectively deals with it most of the time. That's one of the biggest unknowns about HPV is why does it develop into cancer in some but not all.

AS Brian alluded to there is the Gardasil Vaccine currently only recommended for pre sexually active girls and soon the boys version will be available. If, and that would be a huge IF, all pre sexually active girls and boys worldwide, would get the vaccine, then in time, the oncogenic strains currently targeted by the vaccine would no longer cause us problems.

Brian assumes that you may have acquired it vaginally but since you came to this site I hope it's not because you have oral cancer.

Well I am pretty sure I got it from my current husband because since we started dating I have my doctor test for HPV at my annual examines and I was testing negative in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008.
I do not have oral cancer. I just had abnormal cells on my last pap which required me to have a coloscopy which turned up negative (thank GOD!!), but I'm still scared because his x had a hysterectomy because of it.
Anyway, from what I read HPV is contracted from skin to skin contact. I'm just afraid because I have given oral sex to him. Can we can continue to have oral sex? Is that safe, now that i know there is HPV? I am assuming that you can't get it orally unless you have oral sex. If that is the case is it safe to have oral sex. And I have read that there might be some benifiet in spreading the virus if you wash after sex. That does seem plausible since it is a virus spread skin to skin or mucous membrane to mucous membrane. Anyway, would there be benifiet to rinsing my mouth with listerine?
I feel like a bad wife because I am not enjoying sex anymore. And I have given him oral sex once since my diagnosis.
I understand once it is in your body, it is in your body and you can't get rid of it. But now that I know I have it in my genital area how much more precaution should I take.
Thanks for your time to answer this question.

First you need to calm down because no one can answer any of those questions with certainty. As I said much is not known about HPV. It is known that once you acquire it, it can lay dormant for decades. Where it "goes: and what triggers it coming out of dormancy are unknown. Yes it is believed that oral sex, either way, male to female, female to male can pass the virus but so can kissing orally. Please stop the blame game because there are no winners only loosers and please don't manage your life around the fear of contracting HPV much less developing cancer from it. Do get regular female check ups as recommended and certainly have anything checked oral that doesn't resolve itself within a 2 week period. Other than that, enjoy a cancer free life.

We played the blame game for a long time. I went to the Dr.finally and tested Neg for HPV. I had a total hysterectomy when I was 27 which was any years before I met George. George was single for 7 years and says he had many sexual partners so who he got it from we will never know. Neither of us have ever smoked but of course have been around lots of smokers. But they tell us this is usually caused by HPV. We still enjoy a full sex life even though our daughter says we should never do oral again. She says this as her husband is one of George's doctors and he knows all about this stuff. But I refuse to give in to this thing!

My Dr pulled my history of OC up on the computer today and what we saw was what I was told, we were checking for HPV. The computer just said unique. That hsa to m ean something LOL and one day I hope to find it out.