Thanks, everyone. Your kind words are such a great comfort.

Liz, you are so right about our "fragile peace." It is so ironic, the ent doctor has always been quick to suspect that any new development was the cancer returning. With this growth, he was just sure it wasn't cancerous. Maybe that should have been a warning??!!

We see the oncologist in four hours and forty-five minutes (but who's counting?!). I'm so stressed I don't even know how to cope. I spent a sleepless night and and now I only want to stomp my feet and sob and howl. And I need to stay as positive as I can to help Jim.

Again, thanks for listening. As you know only too well, life is just too hard to bear sometimes.

Barb

Barb
I to hope you work your way threw this. My wife had breast cancer before I got mine it is just as bad on the care giver, as the the one with the cancer. I also went to Mayo, 2005 May.
I have no advise that would be meaningfull, just would like you to know, your not alone in this battle and I hope the best for you both.

Further update.......

We met with the oncologist and we're impressed with his knowledge and compassion (a rare combination, sometimes!). The verdict is that we are looking at control of the cancer, not a cure. I disgraced myself by nearly passing out in his office when I heard that. I broke out in a drenching cold sweat - the doctor handed me a box of Kleenex, and then I had to ask for a glass of water. Sheesh. At least I pulled myself together before they had to fetch the smelling salts.

As of now, the plan is for low-dose chemo (taxol) weekly for as long as it works. Jim has had two sessions already, with the third tomorrow, and has had practically no ill effects.

So, we keep on keeping on. Jim is confident of beating this. And after all, he has survived a couple of impossible things already. I am in awe of his strength and courage. As for myself, just call me Cleopatra, Queen of Denial. I'm living in the moment - and taking Zoloft! - and that's working, at least for now.

I'm lucky to have the best employer and coworkers in the world. They have been totally supportive when I need to take time off, and the times when I'm barely functioning. I don't know how I could manage without their support.

Thanks for listening,
Barb

Barb, if Cleo works for you, so be it. My choice for the longest time was Scarlett O'Hara's attitude "I'll just think about that tomorrow" [course my heritage is southern Mississippi.] We'll keep listening-you keep talking. Amy in the Ozarks

Living in the moment is good, Barb - and hang on to all the bright spots or whatever help that comes along - Zoloft, helpful co-workers and definitely your husband's confidence in beating this thing! I'm also a fan of Scarlett's "I'll just think about that tomorrow" but I have to watch it because for me, it tends to turn into "Never do today what can be put off till tomorrow". Anyway, don't put off taking care of yourself, too and let us know what's happening.

Barb,
I'm so sorry to hear of Jim's new fight. Please know that there is an old-timer praying for you both.
Mandi

Barb and Jim, I am hoping things are going well with the chemo.....good thoughts and good vibes coming your way!!! Carol

Anne-Marie I've become a member of the "never do today" group- it allows me to write myself more "to do" notes in the dust on the tabletops Amy in the Oz

Hi Barb, Glad to hear that you feel comfortable with the oncologist, I think that's an important aspect of this. Nothing wrong with being Cleopartra - other than the eye liner thing. You are finding coping mechanisms that work for you and that's entirely appropriate.

I'd say you handled yourself very well during that meeting with the doctor, it's a lot of information to take in. Let us know how you are doing and I'm hoping the chemo continues to go well for Jim.

Regards JoAnne

Thanks, everyone. I'll remember, and adopt, Scarlett's philosophy. Isn't the AA slogan "One Day at a Time"? That works, too.

Jim had his third chemo treatment yesterday. It went well, except that he got really tired. The nurse said that was probably caused by the Benadryl they give him to avoid any alergic reaction to the Taxol, which is derived from yew trees. I guess she was right, because about three hours after the treatment he started feeling better. So far, no nausea or other ill effects (knock on wood!).

We see the oncologist again next Wednesday. Here's hoping.....

Barb