Dear OCF Friends,

It's been a while since I've been here (officially anyway). I've lurked a few times, occasionally checking in on people I came to know back in those dark days when my son was first diagnosed. I feel blessed to say that, almost two years later, my son is still well -- in body, mind and spirit.

I feel blessed in another way as well. Just before my son got sick, I was busy following my dream to be a writer. As a form of support to me during my son's illness and recovery, a good writer friend of mine reached out to me and proposed we write a novel together. That novel will be published this May.

The book doesn't have much to do with cancer (just a tiny bit, really). It's a novel for teens called The Geek Girl's Guide to Cheerleading and it's about two smart, kind of geeky girls who find their way onto the varsity cheerleading squad at their school.

In planning the promotion for my book -- I decided I wanted to give something back to the people (like all of you) who helped me through my son's illness. But, unless you are Dan Brown, Nora Roberts or JK Rowling, publishing a book isn't going to make you rich. And, since my son is still young, doesn't make much money, or have the greatest insurance -- my husband and I have taken on the burden of paying his $5000+ a year deductible. So, I can't pay you back with a donation (as much as I would like to).

I hope to do some presentations to schools about writing, life, and about the book. During those talks I will slip in the warning signs of oral cancer. But that's still not enough to pay you back for everything you did for me. I thought about what else I could do ... and decided on giving free inspirational talks to cancer support groups.

In our book, the characters are cheerleaders for a team, but they are also cheerleaders, supporters and encouragers of each other. That kind of cheerleading is so important when cancer steps into your life -- both for the patient & the caregivers. I'd like to celebrate caregivers and the special relationship they have with the ones they care for.

So, even though I want to do this as a way of paying you back, I'm here today to ask once again for your help:

Patients: What would you like to say to your caregiver?

Caregivers: What would you like to say to the patient?

I know one thing I wanted to tell my son was this: No matter how hard it was to help him, no matter how grumpy he got, or how tired I was ... it felt like a privilege to serve him during that time. And that everything I did for him helped ME in a way. Even though I wasn't the one with cancer, I needed healing too and taking care of him was the best way I found to do that.

If you would like to share your comments with me, I would LOVE to include them in planning my presentation. You can email your comments to me at [email protected] or just post them here and I'll come back to check. If you're curious about the book, you can take a peek at it here: www.thegeekgirlsguide.com

Thank you again for the knowledge and encouragement you shared with me when I needed it most. I am forever in your debt.

darcy (Matt's mom)

Darcy,

Let's hope you can reach just one person. Anything after that is gravy as they say.

From patient to caregiver....couldn't have done it without you and in my case she literally saved my life. Also don't take it personally if I lash out at you as I'm really scared, hurt, confused and angry and I need an occasional release.

Dear Darcy,

As a co-caregiver to my brother, I found that the love I had for him was immense, love I knew I had but when he found out he had cancer and the thought of losing him, it changed me forever. My big brother now needed me. I was the little sister who looked up to him, idolized him in every way and now I could show him how much he meant to me.

I looked at him hooked up to machines, feeding tube, unable to eat or speak, living in agonizing pain 24 hours a day, and realized how fragile life is. That is how it changed me. This strong, athletic man was reduced to a dependent, sick, fragile man. I do not take anything for granted anymore. I live each day as best I can. I appreciate all I have and am grateful I am healthy and not a cancer patient. I now have more respect for anyone going thru this disease and the will to live.

This is how oral cancer has changed my life. I want to stop this disease from taking more people. There are not enough hours in the day for me, but I will do what I can.

What would I say to a patient? I am here for you, I will help you all I can, no matter what happens I will be beside you. Knowing someone cares for you in your time of need is one of the greatest comforts you can receive. My brother had that, and I feel good knowing I was there for him until the end.

I will honor his memory with my cancer walks for as long as I can.

Thank you

Thanks for responding, David. I think caregivers sometimes get their feelings hurt when really, the patient is just feeling like you said: "...really scared, hurt, confused and angry and I need an occasional release." And patients wouldn't be human if they didn't feel like that sometimes, huh? It's a good reminder.

And about that "as if nothing had ever happened" in you signature -- funny how you don't think a day will ever go by that you won't think of it ... then one day it does : )

Congratulations!

Dear Susan,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can't say that I know how you feel, because I don't -- not really. I understand when you say you felt immense love for your brother. I didn't think I could love my son any more than I did (I'm sure you felt that way about your brother too) but when I thought I might lose him ... oh. That's when I really appreciated what he meant to my life and how important every moment I'd spent with him was. I was blessed to see my boy get better, and that's where our stories part. I can't even fathom what it would have been to lose him and I offer you my condolences. I love what you had to say to patients and I think they will feel honored to hear it.

Thank you so much! I am so happy you have your son and wish you and your family continued good health.

You are helping so many with your efforts, thank you for that too!

As mentioned before, if one person can be helped, it is worth everything!